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AIBU?

Teenager buying for GF

177 replies

DBML · 08/12/2019 15:39

I have a teen boy (15). He wants to get his gf of four months a gift for Christmas. He’s met her a handful of times.

I’ve set a budget of £30 for him to spend, but apparently this is unreasonable and he wants more so he doesn’t “look cheap”.

AIBU and how do I navigate this without another huge and hormonal argument?

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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
ineedto · 08/12/2019 17:52

What a terrible attitude, sadly 14/15yr olds are charmers!

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doritosdip · 08/12/2019 17:54

If he wants to be flash then he needs to sacrifice his pocket money. I'd say that £30 was your final offer and he can take it or leave it. If he argues the offer goes down £10 each time.

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doritosdip · 08/12/2019 17:55

£30 is super generous. If he breaks up with her before Xmas then that's £30 down the drain

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MrsPeakyBlinders · 08/12/2019 17:57

My 16 year old has quite a serious girlfriend and I know he'll spend £100 on her. But he has a part time job and will pay for it himself. Her mother on the other hand - he stays over alot more than the girls stays here and I know she got him a nice present so I gave him £30 to get her something

staying over but can't buy their own presents ? Something not quite right there ...

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LemonPrism · 08/12/2019 17:57

A necklace and earrings from the Z semi-previous collection at Accessorize would be covered by £30.

With his attitude he wouldn't be getting a penny from me

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 18:02

Honestly, this is a good opportunity to let him earn and use his own initiative. It's utter nonsense to expect your parents to give you money for such a thing or pick it out. Listening to my dad and friends of theirs, they'd be thinking that was utter tosh and pick out gifts for their wives.

After reading this thread, I remembered being at lunch with my folks and a high school friend of mine and our families this Summer. My folks got married in 1964 and hers in 1965 and they were all like, 'Well, don't you speak to your girlfriend or wife, find out their likes and dislikes?' How nervous they were at proposal but of course, had spoken about marriage before, stood in jeweller's windows, 'Well, if you were to get married, which type of ring would you like?' My friend's dad went on to tell how, when he booked the hotel for their honeymoon, he had to pay in advance, of course, by cheque, and then got a letter of confirmation with a reminder to please bring the marriage certificate upon check in. Yes!

My dad, being Spanish and my mother with Italian parents, first asked my mother to marry him, of course, after discussion, but also visited her home (she lived at home) with his older brother (their father being in Spain) and a priest, to ask for blessing. Whoa!

But as they said, 'What's with the guesswork? TALK to each other for once, in person!'

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 18:05

@dontalltalkatonce oh yes!! The rose gold crown is wrapped and ready to go for this years teen snapchat fest. How did you know 😂

That one! It is rather cute, though.

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ChristmasCakeLover · 08/12/2019 18:06

Definitely make him shop for the gift either with you or by himself. Or he will be a dp/dh who expects his OH to do all cards and gifts in the future.

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twoturtledove · 08/12/2019 18:06

£30 will get a really nice Lush Christmas box. Perfect for a teenager.

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Lucylouxc · 08/12/2019 18:08

£30 will get a really nice Lush Christmas box. Perfect for a teenager.

Nobody wants a yeast infection for Christmas!

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GoGoLego · 08/12/2019 18:10

Maybe say I won't pay but I'll help him buy. As others have said you can get a nice bottle of perfume or jewellery. But maybe he's finding the perfect gift a bit daunting and doesn't know what she'd like. I'm guessing that buying a pair of earrings or necklace is a bit of a minefield for you average teenage boy

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Whatsername177 · 08/12/2019 18:17

His attitude is off but I wouldn't go as far as to call him 'entitled'. I was HOY 11 last year and there was an expectation of expensive Christmas presents amongst those dating. Often the parents would facilitate paying for those presents. One girl bought her boyfriend an Xbox! Confused I think your son is being influenced by his peers but I also think it is healthier to teach him to budget his allowance to buy gifts rather that relying on you to do it for him. Good luck!

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AlexaAmbidextra · 08/12/2019 18:46

This reminds me of when I was in town with a friend and her (very indulged) teenage son. He found a lovely silver necklace he intended to get for Christmas for his girlfriend until my friend announced he’d be funding the gift himself. He bought the GF a box of chocolates. 😂

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Mrs1 · 08/12/2019 20:32

I think you're being generous to give him £30 to spend on a very new gf at his age. My daughter is 13 and decided secret Santa wasn't enough and wanted to get her other 4 friends a gift too I didn't spend that much on all of them out together,they need to understand we have enough to pay for this time of the year. I can't see a £30 gift looking cheap. They make me laugh how they tell their friends they will buy gifts when they clearly know they have no money, your son needs to put his pocket money too if he feels that strongly and no for to the cinema for the month

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T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 08/12/2019 20:40

£30 will get a really nice thrush Christmas box. Perfect for a teenager.

I think you spelled that wrong, so I took the liberty of correcting it for you.

Grin

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twoturtledove · 08/12/2019 20:44

@Lucylouxc @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily you don't have to get one with bath bombs in it, their shower gels/shampoos don't bring the yeast to the party!

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kateandme · 08/12/2019 21:44

goodness and h get £50 already.your not putting yourself out to give him this amount? to me that is huge.but that because i could never affrod it and i know everyone finacial situation is diffrent so to you that could be pocket change(no bad thing) but i would think he can pay for it out of that or at least some of it.
does she have a pandora bracelet.that would get a nice charm
or ears pierced.
does she like a movie he could get a box st or box st of books.
30 is enough.
my sister has been with hers for 20 years and they can think up a lovely something for that.but then i guess there is more thought becasue they know eachother and i guess the thought that counts doesnt apply to teens!

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DBML · 08/12/2019 22:01

@kateandme

Yes, I too thought that was quite a lot of money. Certainly not pocket change. Initially I thought £30 was excessive and thought £20 at most, but some friends suggested £30, so I went with that. To think he wanted to spend more was a surprise to say the least! As others have said, they’ll possibly be broken up in the new year.

He hasn’t mentioned it again this evening and seems to have accepted the £30 limit. I’m taking him to the mall tomorrow after school, he can choose her gift, I’ll just be there to support...or perhaps go to costa.

As for will he Buy me and his dad anything? I highly doubt it. I don’t expect him too, but I guess a box of chocs would be a nice surprise.

OP posts:
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OlaEliza · 08/12/2019 22:06

How has he barely met her? Surely at this age they met several times and liked each other so one of them asked the other out?

Why do they rarely see each other?

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Ragwort · 08/12/2019 22:07

I wouldn’t dream of giving my DS (also an only child) anything towards a girlfriend’s present, he did buy a fairly expensive present for his first girlfriend when he was 15 (he had pocket money & a paper round to earn money), she gave him a box of chocolates & then dumped him Grin.

He’s now 18 & has a very nice girlfriend & they are quite sensible about agreeing a fairly modest budget for gifts.

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OlaEliza · 08/12/2019 22:09

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner. Don’t know where to start with that one OP. Good luck I actually have a lot of sympathy with the general view, that family money is family money, it's not owned by the person who earns it, or owned by any holder of the purse strings. So if anyone in the family needs money for something, and the family can afford it, then it should be provided. It's why allowances, either for children, or for adult members of the family sit difficult with me, although obviously as a way to budget for the whole family it might be more than reasonable. Of course though this does mean the family has to have similar views on what is reasonable to spend on different things, and this is probably where the fifty quid for a gift for a teenage partner comes in.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 😂

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Rombocious · 08/12/2019 22:14

I'm interested to know how they have been dating for 4 months include sleepovers and have only met a handful of times

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DBML · 08/12/2019 22:16

@OlaEliza

They met on Snapchat. Most of their interactions have been over Snapchat and Instagram. They initially snuck out to meet each other without telling anyone. The next few times have been only when I drop him to and pick him up from a given meeting point e.g the cinema. They’ve met up perhaps or 5 time’s, but talk via the internet for hours and hours.

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DBML · 08/12/2019 22:18

@Rombocious

Lord no sleepovers!!!!! Who said that?!!!
No way. He not long turned 15 and isn’t allowed to her house yet. Just public meet ups based on being picked up and dropped off.

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Yeetusdeletus · 08/12/2019 22:35

No no no! As a teenager myself he should be grateful to even be getting £50/month! And I don't think he should be having a gf at 15 but it's just my opinion. I would not give him any money and it isn't your responsibility at all.

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