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AIBU?

Teenager buying for GF

177 replies

DBML · 08/12/2019 15:39

I have a teen boy (15). He wants to get his gf of four months a gift for Christmas. He’s met her a handful of times.

I’ve set a budget of £30 for him to spend, but apparently this is unreasonable and he wants more so he doesn’t “look cheap”.

AIBU and how do I navigate this without another huge and hormonal argument?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
7%
You are NOT being unreasonable
93%
DecemberSnow · 08/12/2019 17:12

I would withdraw the £30 and tell him his a ungrateful git tbh

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PurpleFrames · 08/12/2019 17:14

I hope you are not still offering him £30? Confused

He has more than enough pocket money to buy a decent present. I used my pm to buy my friends gifts at that age (which was not that long ago!)...

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HanginWithMyGnomies · 08/12/2019 17:15

@RedLipstickHighHeels my teen loves Pandora, as do all her friends. It’s like they get together each year and decide which rings are this years ‘must haves’.. not quite sure how they’re staid 🤷🏻‍♀️

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HanginWithMyGnomies · 08/12/2019 17:15

@DBML £30 is moooooore than reasonable. Cheeky little sausage 😂

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 17:16

He's very sweet, rings to ask if he can come over to bring her his gift, sent me a wee text to see if she likes X or Y and goes and gets it himself. LOL @ your responsibility to buy her a gift. He got her a perfume set, Ghost Girl, last year, but this year think he's going for . . . Pandora! Which she will love and is very popular among their year group. I know she got him the game as she showed me, a used game because she cannot afford the new one but like he'll care.

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T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 08/12/2019 17:20

Ask him how he thinks his girlfriend would feel knowing that he’s prioritising his comforts and hobbies over buying her gift and that he expects his mother to pay for it, rather than spending his own money on her. Wee skitter.

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 17:20

It’s like they get together each year and decide which rings are this years ‘must haves’.. not quite sure how they’re staid 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah, they are all in love with the rings, the crown one is especially popular, like the whole 'class ring' songs from America in the 50s. Like, 'Yeah, I got a ring!' OMG, you got a RING from X?! They are hilarious!

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Thelnebriati · 08/12/2019 17:22

Tell him you are disappointed that he has such a low opinion of women that he thinks we want 'expensive' more than 'thoughtful'.

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DBML · 08/12/2019 17:26

To those who’ve asked, I haven’t withdrawn the offer of £30.

However, I’ve told him that I’m ashamed with myself that I’ve brought him up to act so spoiled and entitled. That I work very hard for that £30. In fairness he apologised.

I’ve told him that as a consequence, he will contribute half towards that amount, which will be deducted from his pocket money.

Generally he’s not a bad kid. But as an only child I’ve probably overindulged him. I now have the hard job of teaching him that he’s not entitled to whatever he wants, which I guess hurts more. My fault.

I have also said that he is to start doing chores for that monthly pocket money, now that he is 15 and a certain amount of home study. At 16 he will have to have a Saturday job if he wants certain things.

Awaiting to see if he remains contrite when we go shopping for the gift.

OP posts:
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nauticant · 08/12/2019 17:28

Offer him £25 and tell him that each further complaint will see a £5 reduction per complaint.

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 17:30

What, he doesn't do chores? Nah. My 11-year-old DS does chores or no money.

He buys her gift, do not enable yet another lazy manchild by doing it for him. He needs to pick it out himself.

FFS, DD would probably dump her boyfriend if she found out Mummy had chosen her gift. LOL. She even comes up with stuff like that, 'What kind of man is so lazy . . . '

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KaptainKaveman · 08/12/2019 17:32

he can get some lovely earrings/ bracelet for £30.

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dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 17:32

It's very important to learn about money, managing money, taking responsibility for yourself and what you want in life. He needs to ask his GF about things she likes or find out, it's not hard, plenty of them do it. My father was born in the 1930s and has always managed to choose good gifts for his wife, our mother. He, you know, talks to her.

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Snowpatrolling · 08/12/2019 17:32

Omg I would have laughed in my kids face if they said that to me! Then said right it can come out your pocket money instead!!

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abitlostandalwayshungry · 08/12/2019 17:35

He sounds very sweet in this attempt to wow his GF - I'd give him the chance to be a earner himself and give him a list of chores which are outside this usual responsibilities.
Each chore has a fee he can earn - this way he can make some extra money if he wishes, he will understand what it means to earn it and he will feel so proud having worked for the present he then can buy.

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RhymingRabbit3 · 08/12/2019 17:37

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner.
The solution then is he becomes an "earner" and gets a part time job to pay for his girlfriends present. I would be taking back the £30 after that comment. He should have budgeted for this from his £50 a month pocket money.

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HanginWithMyGnomies · 08/12/2019 17:38

@dontalltalkatonce oh yes!! The rose gold crown is wrapped and ready to go for this years teen snapchat fest. How did you know 😂

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Butchyrestingface · 08/12/2019 17:38

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner

Quite the comedian, your boy, eh?

How much does he plan to spend on you this Christmas, @DBML?

You could always offer to spend whatever he wants on this girl who he'll likely have broken up with by March - and then take that amount from whatever the budget was that you were intending to spend on HIM for gifts. Would he be up for that?

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plightofthealbatross · 08/12/2019 17:39

I'd have laughed at him if he told me it was my responsibility as the earner.

Tell him to go wash cars, rake leaves, etc ... neighbours might be willing to pay him.

But, no.

Had that with 12 year old's first GF last year ... wanted to buy her a little birthday present. I set a cap of £10 ... glad I did ... they broke up over the summer.

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Ellmau · 08/12/2019 17:40

Slightly off topic, does he buy presents for you, or other family members, and who pays for those? He ought to be doing that out f his pocket money already imo.

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PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/12/2019 17:42

He should definitely get it out of his £50 the cheeky git

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GunpowderGelatine · 08/12/2019 17:43

YANBU. What is it with teens and expensive gifts?! My niece is 17 and spending £300 on her boyfriend! It's ludicrous

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Andylion · 08/12/2019 17:44

He’s met her a handful of times.

Is she actually his girlfriend if he has only met her a handful of times?

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GunpowderGelatine · 08/12/2019 17:44

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner

If he were my son he'd be lucky to be getting 30p

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Longfacenow · 08/12/2019 17:47

At 15 I would expect him to have a part time job or be doing chores at least for neighbours etc to earn a bit. He would be expected to save his own money for his girlfriend out of his earnings and pocket money.
It's lovely he wants to get her a gift. If he looks cheap it's because he fucked up budgeting.

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