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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenager buying for GF

177 replies

DBML · 08/12/2019 15:39

I have a teen boy (15). He wants to get his gf of four months a gift for Christmas. He’s met her a handful of times.

I’ve set a budget of £30 for him to spend, but apparently this is unreasonable and he wants more so he doesn’t “look cheap”.

AIBU and how do I navigate this without another huge and hormonal argument?

OP posts:

Poissonpoison · 08/12/2019 16:08

Sounds like your son is the GF in this situation

Ohyesiam · 08/12/2019 16:09

15 year old Dd wants to get her bf of 1 year present. I’ve set her a budget of £10, out of her own money. Tell your ds he’s lucky he doesn’t have me for A mum

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 08/12/2019 16:13

What's wrong with kids these days. We would not spend more than £10 or £20 back in the day hehe.
Unless the gf is trying to milk yyour son and told him to get something expensive...
Anyways, £30 is plenty and you can get some really nice stuff. Tell your son to get a job if he wants to shower his gf with lavish presents. Also he will need to get the present, as it's his gf not yours lol.

TurnOffTheTv · 08/12/2019 16:22

He'd be getting bugger all after that shitty comment.

Savingshoes · 08/12/2019 16:23

Why are YOU spending £30 on a girl you don't know?
Why would you know what to buy a stranger that is dating your son?
He does look cheap - he isn't spending any of his pocket money on her.
I would not appreciate that gift and it's a high possibility that their relationship comes to an end in the new year.

Lovemusic33 · 08/12/2019 16:25

I would tell him to get lost. He gets £50 a month so he should use that if he wants to buy her a gift. My 15 year old gets £40 a month and is using her money to buy gifts for her friends, I might help her out with a few £ to buy her dad and step mum a gift but it will be £5 each. Tell him to get a job.

lovemenorca · 08/12/2019 16:28

I remember my Christmas gift from my first boyfriend at 16
He went completely over the top! And I loved it. Still remember what I received
We broke up 6 months later - not really unsurprising at that age.

I spent £10 on him as that is all I had and I was embarrassed.
I would come to a deal with him. I’d say £50 but what is he going to do in return for me!

silenceofthemams · 08/12/2019 16:29

You've generously given him the option of £30 for a gift.

If it were my 14 yo DS I'd be reducing it by £1 everytime he moaned about it. 🤣

Spitsandspots · 08/12/2019 16:33

My poor teen bought a girlfriend of one week £30 bracelet he bought with his own birthday money -she promptly broke up with him, didn’t even bother to give him a gift in return.

What does he do to earn his pocket money? And why isn’t he using that?

JavaQ · 08/12/2019 16:35

A good time to teach him to grow up and take responsibility!!
(he wont spend his own money?!?!......is he a cocklodger in the making?!)

Aragog · 08/12/2019 16:37

Dd is 17y and her and her boyfriend had set a lower budget than that between them - £25 iirr. Dd doesn't work so only gets an allowance from us so doesn't have loads of money to spend and she didn't want him spending his part time job money spending lots on her when he needs to be saving it for next summer and when he goes to university.

£30 is plenty enough for a girlfriend. It's plenty for anyone to spend on a gift, especially between kids who aren't earning yet.

Aragog · 08/12/2019 16:38

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner

With that attitude he'd be getting no contribution to the gift at all. He can buy from his allowance.

dontalltalkatonce · 08/12/2019 16:39

30 quid! No way! My DD is nearly 15 and has a PT job in a cafe. Her 'little friend' is 15 and works PT in a petrol garage. He gets her a perfume and she's bought him a game from CEX. They both use their own money! His mother and I are friends. We'd both laugh hard if they came to us asking for money to buy the other a gift and then said 30 was cheap and it was our responsibility to buy a present! Haahaahaa! They wouldn't have the cheek.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/12/2019 16:40

He gets £50 a month pocket money, which he spends on the cinema; Xbox live etc. He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner.

Sorry OP, you've raised an entitled little shit!

That £50 would stop immediately until he'd shown the grace to be red faced at that little gem.

HisBetterHalf · 08/12/2019 16:40

ooo hes a little CF. His GF so his responsibility

Cherrysoup · 08/12/2019 16:43

I’d give him nothing! Cheeky git!

Aragog · 08/12/2019 16:43

£100?! Even £50 on a boyfriend at this age is way too much. I'd be speaking to dd, even at 17y, about setting sensible budgets if she was planning on that. We don't spend that amount on close family members let alone young girlfriend and boyfriends. It's not even about not having the money either - it's about setting suitable and appropriate budgets.

Dd would be horrified if her boyfriend spent that amount on her. Hence them having a sensible chat about it beforehand.

Jellybeansincognito · 08/12/2019 16:43

My response would be ok then- you can have £50. But no allowance next month.

You don’t spend money you don’t have, just to not look cheap- the £30 was offered out of good Will. Thanks to his greed, you’re revoking the £30 and any money he wants to use for a present can come out of his allowance.

lovemenorca · 08/12/2019 16:44

* It's not even about not having the money either - it's about setting suitable and appropriate budgets.*

Absolutely
To some £50 is nothing. To others it’s the maximum budget. To others it’s beyond their budget. What is “suitable and appropriate” varies from family to family.

Blueshadow · 08/12/2019 16:46

£100 is what my dh and I spend on each other every year after 20 years of marriage....

Clymene · 08/12/2019 16:47

I spend no more than £30 on my siblings. I certainly wouldn't spend that on a girl I barely knew

sirfredfredgeorge · 08/12/2019 16:48

He told me it’s my responsibility to get her present as I’m the earner.

Don’t know where to start with that one OP. Good luck

I actually have a lot of sympathy with the general view, that family money is family money, it's not owned by the person who earns it, or owned by any holder of the purse strings. So if anyone in the family needs money for something, and the family can afford it, then it should be provided. It's why allowances, either for children, or for adult members of the family sit difficult with me, although obviously as a way to budget for the whole family it might be more than reasonable.

Of course though this does mean the family has to have similar views on what is reasonable to spend on different things, and this is probably where the fifty quid for a gift for a teenage partner comes in.

ysmaem · 08/12/2019 16:49

Remind him he gets £50 a month already for you! If he has already received the £50 allowance for December then remind him what he spent the £50 on and if wanted to spend more on his girlfriend then he should've kept the £50 aside. Don't give him more than £30.

GreenTulips · 08/12/2019 16:49

One of DDs friends (make) has told her his GF expects a Tiffany necklace and earring at around £500 - they’ve been dating 3 weeks. (So far)

LOL - he should run for the hills!! Apparently it’s a live gesture for her friends, are you sure the GF hasn’t requested something?

RedLipstickHighHeels · 08/12/2019 16:51

Silver jewellery? Lol She’s his girlfriend not his nan
£30 will go far in Superdrug some age appropriate things there

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