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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dad didn't give 1year old dinner

145 replies

Kirstycirvine2 · 07/12/2019 21:30

DD was left with dad and grandparents from 2 til 7 and with a list of DD schedule. When I came back dad had not given DD any dinner and told me she'd had nothing except 150ml cow's milk. I told dad I was seriously disappointed. AIBU? He is now crushed.

OP posts:

Namelessinseattle · 08/12/2019 09:04

There's a difference between her falling asleep at 4 and still being asleep at 7 to her falling asleep at 6.30. Did she sleep through tea or play through tea? If I didn't feed my two because they were happy playing they'd never eat. They're nearly always happy playing and I have to interrupt for tea and bottles and baths.
Similarly if she was in bed or her pjs I'd be annoyed That he either chose to forgo the tea or forgot. If SV was on the couch and had just conked and he's decided to let her sleep I'd just feel it was a bad decision but more understandable.

orangeteal · 08/12/2019 09:06

@RafaIsTheKingOfClay yeah but really though, ONE meal? If that is an actual issue (rather than a fear) then yeah sure mention it for next time, but to make out the child is being neglected is ridiculous. I think some parents get themselves so absorbed in routines they either assume something will happen, or cause things to happen because they won't flex a bit.

@53rdWay I just don't think it's a big deal, feeding children 3 times a day a societal construct, not something we must do EVERY day. Let's use a bit of instinct and common sense sometimes yeah? If it bothers the OP that much mention it gently for next time, but we all have different approaches and just because it's the be all and all for her doesn't mean she is right.

53rdWay · 08/12/2019 09:10

Let's use a bit of instinct and common sense sometimes yeah?

Well here we differ, I think my ‘instinct and common sense’ would be to offer a child food at some point in 5 hours, especially if there was a particular time it was used to eating.

Like I said though if the child crashed out after 2 hours and they decided not to wake her, that’s a different thing to just forgetting food altogether or not bothering.

museumum · 08/12/2019 09:12

At 15mo my dcs we’re all sleeping through and I would not be wanting to just “feed them when they’re hungry” as that would surely be about 2am / 4am etc.
I don’t think it’s particularly rigid to expect a toddler to eat their calories during the day so they can sleep all night. I would certainly be offering food at breakfast lunch and dinner time even if that means interrupted play.

AuntSpiker · 08/12/2019 09:16

If the child had drunk 150mls of milk (do people really measure milk for toddlers?) and fallen asleep, I would have left them to sleep. If they were hungry, they would have woken up. This all seems a fuss about nothing to me.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 08/12/2019 09:41

I’m guessing she wasn’t hungry because she’d been topped up with 5oz of milk. But that 5oz isn’t going to keep her full from lunch time until breakfast the following morning is it?

53rd I suspect that most people’s instinct when their overexcited 15 month old hasn’t napped involves early dinner and bedtime. I’m not sure many of the posters on this thread would really have been surprised by their child crashing out early evening and would have at least offered dinner.

HeyGepetto · 08/12/2019 10:10

My daughter used to unexpectedly conk out on the sofa sometimes at that sort of age, while I was cooking. The first time she did it, I woke her up to give her dinner, the most epic tantrum ensued, well over an hour and she refused to eat anyway. I let her sleep when it happened again.

Biomed · 08/12/2019 11:06

Well I dunno what’s wrong with all these ‘chilled out parents’ who don’t see it as an issue but I would be fuming!

snowybaubles · 08/12/2019 11:17

Well I dunno what’s wrong with all these ‘chilled out parents’ who don’t see it as an issue but I would be fuming!

There is nothing 'wrong' with me!

People parent differently.

Greggers2017 · 08/12/2019 12:39

@Biomed nothing wrong with me. When you're on your 4th child you're not so anal about a rigid routine. Baby would just be fed when they woke up, they let you know if they're hungry.

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/12/2019 12:45

Did he forget to feed her? In which case I'd be annoyed. What time did she fall to sleep?

MrsBricks · 08/12/2019 13:11

@Greggers2017 I have three children and still feed them all three meals a day? What changes with the 4th?
Genuinely who would think "I won't bother giving my toddler any tea, they'll wake when they're hungry so I can just feed them at 3am"

sweeneytoddsrazor · 08/12/2019 13:22

I dont think anybody is saying they wouldn't bother giving tea deliberately @MrsBricks. What they are saying is if child fell asleep before tea they wouldn't wake them to feed them. Sometimes nap time is missed or delayed because people are enjoying themselves and dont realise the time. As a one off it isn't going to do any harm.

snowybaubles · 08/12/2019 13:36

I'm a bit baffled by the thought that this baby is going to sleep until 3am.

WorldEndingFire · 08/12/2019 14:35

Hope that you can find some opportunities outside of his work to let him be the primary carer. You shouldn't need to be carrying the mental load of worrying about all of this for the sake of a five hour absence. A list is a useful crutch and provides relief that you have your bases covered if it's followed but it's a short term solution. I'm sure he means well but after a year, even with work, he should have a better idea of his daughter's needs. He'll be more than capable, so this will just have to serve as a learning opportunity and he will have to be given the chance to try again until he gets the hang of it.

Teateaandmoretea · 08/12/2019 14:37

I'm a bit baffled by the thought that this baby is going to sleep until 3am.

Well why wouldn't they? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Looneytune253 · 08/12/2019 14:41

If the baby has fell asleep tho I can't see the problem. When she wakes give her her tea and then bath or whatever and then milk and bed. I look after children and if they fall asleep before lunch time I just give them their food when they wake up. If they are super hungry they won't go to sleep

JadeDragon23 · 08/12/2019 14:41

I told dad I was seriously disappointed.

Jesus. This is more worrying imo. One year old will survive one skipped meal and everyone makes mistakes.

‘Seriously disappointed’? Does your dh accept you speaking to him like that? I’m judging him more for being a wet blanket more than an inept father tbh

snowybaubles · 08/12/2019 17:19

@Teateaandmoretea

Well they might. It's not a given though. It may just be a late nap. The baby might have woken when getting in the car seat to go home, anything really.

Greggers2017 · 08/12/2019 22:40

@MrsBricks if my baby or any of my others had fallen asleep tired I would have given them milk had they woken in the night hungry. It's not the end of the world as a one off is it.

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