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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dad didn't give 1year old dinner

145 replies

Kirstycirvine2 · 07/12/2019 21:30

DD was left with dad and grandparents from 2 til 7 and with a list of DD schedule. When I came back dad had not given DD any dinner and told me she'd had nothing except 150ml cow's milk. I told dad I was seriously disappointed. AIBU? He is now crushed.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 07/12/2019 21:49

Headline news. Otherwise happy baby had late dinner

Surfskatefamily · 07/12/2019 21:57

I'd be pissed...but only because my oh has done this on multiple occasions. No water no milk no food

I have to ring and text him ever bloody time. Its bloody rubbish but if he cant remember to do it then I cant just not contact. Hopefully yours is a one off

scubadive · 07/12/2019 22:01

She’s one, just over 12 months or one nearly two, a huge difference in food/milk recruitments but yes should obviously have had dinner.

ForeverBubblegum · 07/12/2019 22:01

If it was a regular occurrence then I'd be worried, but as a one off not so much. Depends on situation really, maybe he was planning on feeding her but then she crashed earlier than expected.

Toddlers can go from wide awake to exhausted in less than a minute, if he doesn't have her often (as implied by him needing a list) then it would be easy enough to miss signs of tiredness until it was to late. When I've been court out like that I haven't woken for dinner, just have an extra bottle to hand in case she wakes up hungry in the night.

MajesticWhine · 07/12/2019 22:02

I think it's pretty rubbish to not bother feeding his child.

Purpleartichoke · 07/12/2019 22:05

There isn’t enough info here. It’s entirely possible for a 1yo to have a bottle and fall asleep at an abnormal time. This is especially true if the baby might be getting sick or is just extra tired from a change in routine. I wouldn’t necessarily wake up a 1yo to eat if she zonked out early. Surely he just planned to have dinner ready to go when she woke up?

angelikacpickles · 07/12/2019 22:05

Had he prepared food and then she fell asleep? If he hadn’t made anything then that is bizarre. I bet he ate something himself during the time you were gone.

BertieBotts · 07/12/2019 22:05

Is he actually "crushed" or is he sulking because you've pointed out he didn't do an adequate job?

i.e. is it manipulation because it makes life easier for him if you consider him incompetent to look after his own child? Is it rare for him to do much childcare? Were grandparents involved to "support" him?

Did the grandparents not even suggest tea? Confused Usually MN is full of complaints about in-laws trying to stuff babies full of absolutely reams of inappropariate food.

That said yes it's not that huge of a deal for a just-1yo to skip a meal, IME they don't eat a massive amount anyway. My 15mo skipped lunch today (slept through it) and hadn't had much breakfast, so had a huge dinner to make up for it. It's just I get the sense this is not about a missed meal but about a father who doesn't actually do much if any parenting.

KimchiLaLa · 07/12/2019 22:06

Shocked at some posters saying this is ok. Did he not offer her a snack or anything else? I'm amazed. My DH would have been seriously worried if our DD hadn't eaten in that long, and I don't say that to boast, I say that as that is the barometer I think of what is normal.

CalleighDoodle · 07/12/2019 22:07

The problem started with him needing a bloody schedule to parent his child! Shock

Tell him in no uncertain terms he needs to step up. Shit half-arsed parenting wont be tolerated or appreciated.

And make him take more responsibility.

GreenTulips · 07/12/2019 22:10

The thing is - no dinner means a baby who’ll wake up at some point in the night hungry and won’t sleep. No doubt leaving OP to deal with a grouchy child who’s hungry but won’t eat.

Very selfish

feebeecat · 07/12/2019 22:19

He can be as crushed as he likes, as long as he gets up during the night if she wakes.
DH did similar when dtds were young - took them to his mums but didn't feed them as they were 'too busy' playing & then they fell asleep. That night, my previously sleeping through girls were up and very unhappy. As was their mother Angry

TORDEVAN · 07/12/2019 22:20

150ml all afternoon? At 1 my daughter would have had 2 250ml bottles of formula plus dinner in that time.

If my husband had done this "well she fell asleep already and I didn't want to wake her" I'd have been mad. It wouldn't have been him up in the night with the hungry baby or dealing with the change in routine the next day caused by it.

Sayhellotothethings · 07/12/2019 22:23

My 6mo eats a lot more than that in 5 hours (you'll know about it if you don't!), so let him be crushed by it, sorry but how do you not give your baby much in a 5 hour period...unless she does only eat every 5 hours and fell asleep at her usual dinner time, in which case it may be a tricky call for him.

Boots20 · 07/12/2019 22:24

I'm impressed your one year old was able to say what she had eaten all day. She will live just tell Dad (not sure if it's your dad or child's Dad) babies need to eat food lol, wouldn't make a massive deal of it on this occasion but obviously if it continues then it becomes a problem.

BertieBotts · 07/12/2019 22:26

I think the OP's partner was the one who told her what she'd eaten, not the baby.

doritosdip · 07/12/2019 22:28

Did he eat dinner? Unless the child is poorly and off their food, it's shit that he needs written instructions especially when there's 2 other adults in the house.

morriseysquif · 07/12/2019 22:33

Crushed for being a lazy shite? Or being told he's not stepping up and being a parent?

Either way, YANBU for being pissed off.

Longdistance · 07/12/2019 22:37

Oh gosh, this is the stupid shit my dh used to do.

He’d have a big full English breakfast so wasn’t hungry at lunchtime, so dd1 didn’t get lunch. Because he wasn’t hungry meant dc wasn’t hungry 🙄

georgialondon · 07/12/2019 22:41

I'd be pissed off too

StoppinBy · 07/12/2019 22:46

@Boots20 ................ pretty sure that the father was the one who relayed that information, your reply is very ill thought out.

My husband is still shit at doing this, we have a 6 (almost 7) year old and a 2 1/2 year old. He just expects me to tell him what needs doing and when when it comes to the kids and if I don't it likely doesn't happen.

Some days they have been up for an hour before he even thinks about getting them breakfast or asks the 2 year old if he is hungry for lunch and if he doesn't say yes he doesn't get him anything.

Unless it is ok for OP to do this then it is not ok for the baby's dad to do it either. YANBU.

FraglesRock · 07/12/2019 22:47

When they're up in the night as they're hungry, direct him to sort it.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 07/12/2019 22:49

Delaying one meal will not cause death by starvation. f she were hungry enough to cry, likely he would have fed her. If she fell asleep, she can eat when she wakes up.
With your attitude, don't be surprised when he doesn't want to take her on his own the next time.

Anxietyandwine · 07/12/2019 22:49

I guess at 1 year old they can skip a meal and not do any harm if they’re having milk. Food is fun til they’re 1 is the rule so as a one off I can’t imagine it’ll do any harm. However I’d stress to DH that routine is helpful for little ones and she needs proper food regularly at her age.

Waveysnail · 07/12/2019 22:51

If you were that worried why didnt you wake her at 7 and give her a bit of porridge. Mine rarely ate in the evening