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AIBU?

To be fuming

158 replies

Fuming123 · 07/12/2019 21:15

For a bit of back story a relative came by today with their kids to go out somewhere so they could play . Anyway it was all ok, kids had fun etc but this child in particular played up a bit as usual. Now tonight I've done my childs story and everything ready for bed, teeth etc. Went to put them in bed and what do I find?
The safety gate that was on so tight even I would have struggled to get it off has been yanked off literally. I noticed at 7 so I start trying to sort it out and it wouldn't go on nearly as tight or shut at all so was now unsafe. This gate had been left open all day and the kid in question went Into the room so it was definitely them as mine is small enough for stairs to still be a very real danger if they wake in the night. ( Do have a stairgate but don't feel right having no bedroom gate)
It would have taken no small amount of actually trying to yank it off to actually do it , and the fact they succeeded shows it was malicious intent.
So now I am fuming because of the risk to my child and the fact they even thought to do it ( for contexr they have a sibling of similar age to mine so should know better) . Now I am having to sit up stairs all night down the hall to make sure of their safety because I need the person who originally put the gate on to come and redo it which obviously they can't tonight at this time.
Luckily I always have a drink bottle upstairs but I haven't eaten my tea yet, and while I don't mind not having it if it means my child is safe it's besides the point.
I shouldn't be having to worry about my child's safety over the stairs if the kid hadn't yanked it off in the first place. To further more make me angry apparently I'm over reacting by been fuming and it's something all kids do!!
Grrrrr

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MustardScreams · 07/12/2019 22:15

Um op, hate to break it to you, but if your walls move so much stair gates loosen then you’ve got a lot more to worry about. Your house is going to collapse.

I’d forget about he stairgate and get a structural engineer instead.

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Pinkflipflop85 · 07/12/2019 22:16

I'm assuming it is a pressure fit gate. It isn't the walls 'moving' causing it to loosen. These type of gates need tightening regularly.

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GertrudeCB · 07/12/2019 22:17

Good god woman, get a grip.
PFB I presume ?

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Howlovely · 07/12/2019 22:17

This can't be real, surely? From your descriptions you must live in a house made of marshmallows?!
Wonky walls that can't have anything screwed into, meaning a 'near professional' stair gate tightener has to come with his specialist equipment to twist a couple of knobs to make the tension stairgate fit the unusual doors.
I really don't mean to sound brutal but the biggest problem here, if this is not a wind up, is actually you, OP. You are refusing to answer questions about your child's age and whether you have taught them how to safely use the stairs, you have dismissed all PP's suggestions of what to do this evening and are instead in your bedroom listening to your tummy rumble and for the sound of your son putting a toe onto carpet so you can run there immediately to stop him walking quite safely along the landing. You know what, just carry on. You've got your emergency water bottle so you can sustain yourself and your son until morning when it is safe to venture out onto the landing and the world of stairs once more.

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GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 07/12/2019 22:18

How old is your child? Can you tie a Muslin to keep it closed? We have to do it sometimes when my 1 year old tugs at the gate a bit too strongly

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Slat3 · 07/12/2019 22:21

Wow! Ridiculously dramatic. You have to camp out upstairs & can’t even get your tea mind is blown.

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Pippa12 · 07/12/2019 22:23

This is a wind up surely... your walls do not move overnight so much so that the stairs gate becomes loose in 8 hours?

And a stair gate that was ‘professionally fitted’ so tightly that you couldn’t even move it, yet you didn’t hear a 10 year old ‘forcefully breaking it with malicious intent’. Perhaps it’s those pesky walls wobbling about all over the shop again!

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Lunafortheloveogod · 07/12/2019 22:25

What’s the fitting on the Lindam one that’s off? Ours are push fit the easiest way to put it back on is putting it up open and then closing it once it’s on and tightened up.. we manage with fingers or if I have acrylics one of those flat pack spanners. Some of the handy men here would bring in fancy adjustable wrenches n crap that’s really not needed.

As for malicious intentional damage.. ours came off after dp leaned on it by accident, literally pung off the wall even though it was a bugger to open, it’s obviously a safety thing that it only takes a certain amount of weight so a fire man can kick it through and not be stuck behind a stair gate.

If your walls are shit gorilla glue wood where you need to screw.. it’s how our curtain poles are up. It’s not the most attractive thing (we paint them obviously) but the crumbly plaster is a pita if you don’t have drywall plugs and good patience.

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YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 07/12/2019 22:26

The fact you wont tell us your child's age leads me to believe they are probably 5+ and should be able to walk down stairs no problem as it is. I would be upset about my gate being broken, but the rest of this is ridiculous.

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RoomR0613 · 07/12/2019 22:26

I'm just here to express surprise that at the end of 2019 the username Fuming123 is still available on mumsnet.

And to guess that the child is 3

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DM1209 · 07/12/2019 22:27

The minute I read the word 'fuming' I switch off.

I came here just to say that.

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Bluntness100 · 07/12/2019 22:27

Do you suffer from anxiety op?

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RJnomore1 · 07/12/2019 22:29

@ProperVexed I’m going for 6.

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mathanxiety · 07/12/2019 22:29

I think you are too anxious about your child's safety.

The stair gate either is or isn't fit for purpose. If it isn't then you should remove it and replace it. Did the installer use wall anchors when putting it in?

The bedroom door gate could have been broken by someone swinging on it or standing on it and balancing, or pulling it further than it was designed to move. The damage wasn't necessarily malicious, just careless and heedless. Some kids are like that. It;s incredibly annoying and it feels as if you are hosting a tornado when they visit.

Rule of thumb for you for the future - children only play downstairs when they visit. There is too much scope for mischief if they play out of sight and earshot upstairs.

You mention this child played up 'as usual', so you should have supervised more closely.

My child has a habit of wandering blindly in the night and freaks out if I'm not there immediately
No matter how old your DC is, you need to work on this.
Getting a grip on your own anxiety here would be a good start. Stop being paranoid about stuff.
^Now I am having to sit up stairs all night down the hall to make sure of their safety because I need the person who originally put the gate on to come and redo it which obviously they can't tonight at this time.
Luckily I always have a drink bottle upstairs but I haven't eaten my tea yet, and while I don't mind not having it if it means my child is safe it's besides the point.^
This is actually batshit, not reasonable at all. Whoever has told you that you are overreacting is spot on.

Sitting upstairs and planning on bringing your child to bed with you is feeding the anxiety your child is experiencing. It is telling the child that there is something big and scary out there that he needs to be protected from. You can't assure your child that all is well in your home if you keep on pandering to all the anxiety that is swirling around, yours and theirs.

If your child is too young to negotiate stairs safely on their own, you could get a hook and loop kind of latch for your DC's door
www.amazon.com/National-Hardware-N187-034-Privacy-Rubbed/dp/B01EW1VM86/ref=asc_df_B01EW1VM86/?hvlocphy=9021569&linkCode=df0&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvadid=194874485682&hvpos=1o1&hvdev=c&hvtargid=pla-313899936929&hvrand=8297586859217718420&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
They come in different lengths. You can install it high up on the door and frame. That way your child can sleep with the door slightly open but can't open it without standing on something. A monitor with two way communication capacity could help you communicate with your child to go back to bed if you see him/her getting up.

Your child needs to learn to stay asleep and not to wake up so fully in lighter sleep portions of the sleep cycle that he gets up and heads off to find you. Do not seek to manage this by adapting to it. You have to try solutions. Supernanny has some good ideas for sleep. Maybe the Behaviour or Sleep boards here could help too.

If you are generally so wound up about safety or anything else in your life, please see your GP. Anxiety can be treated.

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Shinysun · 07/12/2019 22:34

HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD??? HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD??? HOW OLD IS YOUR CHILD???

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UtuNorantiPralatongsThirdEye · 07/12/2019 22:35

23 is my bet.

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TrainspottingWelsh · 07/12/2019 22:35

vexed My guess is 42.

What's the prize when op gets back to confirm I've won?

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Waveysnail · 07/12/2019 22:37

Fix pressure gate on door frames can ping off if older child falls against them. Out used to swing shut all the time and lock. Think one dc was 3/4 when they threw themselves at it and came off the frame.

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Waveysnail · 07/12/2019 22:39

Your being dramatic.

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Rose789 · 07/12/2019 22:40

Shall we have a sweepstake on the age of the child? I say 23.

I say 17.
Honestly op unclench. Close the stair gate and go and have your tea.
Like pp said if your walls are moving so much (or at all) and it’s not a brand new build then call out a structural engineer
to go with your emergency water bottle

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TryingToBeBold · 07/12/2019 22:41

OP isn't revealing the age because child is old enough to know not to go down stairs etc.
DC doesn't sleep through the night past 1 hour 30 mins. OP has to be there immediately as soon as DC wakes (OP maybe lack of sleep isn't helping you).
And rather than close the door. OP is going to go wake DC to bring DC into bed so DC is safe and sound. Assuming OP is a light sleeper otherwise DC might still wonder..
That's the only option left apart from sleeping on the floor.

But DC has to be older to make this even more bloody unreasonable.

OP may I suggest closing the door and a night light

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TryingToBeBold · 07/12/2019 22:42

And to not even go eat?! What if you need to poo?

Don't be so dramatic

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Londongirl86 · 07/12/2019 22:44

I'd be annoyed too. Nothing worse than other people's kids messing your home up and breaking things. Just shut the other and go have your food. They should be ok if they can't climb over. X

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saraclara · 07/12/2019 22:45

Your child is safe. They can't fall down the stairs.

I can't believe you're camping out upstairs to the point of not even going down to get a drink, never mind making your meal.

Is this real? Seriously? Does anyone really do this sort of thing?

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TheDarkPassenger · 07/12/2019 22:47

I didn’t even use stair gates at all never mind two! Christ go to bed.

I would be a bit miffed about the breakage though tbh, when my eldest was 10 he knew not to break things in other people’s houses!!

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