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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you ask before deciding to share a table with someone?

132 replies

M3lon · 07/12/2019 12:10

I'm not very sociable, so I may be wrong, but if there were no tables free and you saw someone sitting on their own at a 4 seater, would you ask them if you could sit there, or just sit down and pointedly ignore them?

I'd have said yes if they asked......

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 07/12/2019 15:46

"the CFers who take tables before being served in busy cafes, so people who've now been served and are holding trays of food/drink can't sit down."

You bagsy your table first before going to queue for food then you won't have this problem. No way will I do it the other way as I could end up without a table and would have to go back to the counter to ask for a refund and leave.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2019 15:47

"In a cafe environment it's normal to share"

Not where I live it's not! Very rare occurrence

Nor I. And if it were a bloke, I’d think he was limbering up to something.

Arthritica · 07/12/2019 15:55

It so depends on the venue. Some cafés deliberately cultivated the shared tables thing - Monmouth Coffee at Seven Dials for example, and there used to be a veggie place on Neal Street too. I liked it.

But most places I would expect people to ask. And, unless holding seats for friends, I would also expect the seated person to say yes.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2019 15:58

Sorry I still think someone alone in a café who hogs a table for four and refuses to allow someone else to have a seat is unbelievably rude.

Somanysocks · 07/12/2019 16:19

So if you are with, say, three other people, are you all supposed to queue up at the counter and buy a coffee each (even though one person may be paying for them all), or if it's rude for the others to sit down at a table and wait where are they supposed to go. Should they cluster somewhere near the till getting in the way.

Just wondering.

And yes i think you should ask if the seat is taken.

Jaxhog · 07/12/2019 16:28

Of course they should;d have asked if it was ok to sit there. It's common courtesy

But it seems that courtesy is longer the norm. I've had a noisy group of people barge my table at least once without so much as a flicker of a request. People are getting ruder.

Jaxhog · 07/12/2019 16:31

Sorry I still think someone alone in a café who hogs a table for four and refuses to allow someone else to have a seat is unbelievably rude.

And if there are no one or two-person tables, where is a singleton supposed to sit? Are they obliged to sit with a noisy group of strangers who are too rude to even ask?

Lulu1919 · 07/12/2019 16:32

I'd always ask....they could be waiting for people to join them !
Anyway it's just polite isn't it ?

churchandstate · 07/12/2019 16:32

I would always ask. How very rude to just sit down.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2019 16:37

@Jaxhog the singleton should be prepared to share their table. Anyone wanting to sit there would be rude not to ask whether the seats were unoccupied.

Livelovebehappy · 07/12/2019 16:41

Surely it’s like getting on a bus - if there are only seats available next to people I would just sit there. To hog a table for 4 by yourself is depriving the cafe owners of earning money on three empty seats. Are you saying that its your choice whether or not you allow people to sit on empty seats? Confused

Straycatstrut · 07/12/2019 16:46

Out of politeness I'd ask if it was okay if I sat there, I wouldn't just plonk myself there.

I hate people who are in the queue and get family members/friends to go and reserve the tables though (clearly have no food) - so if the response was "No my friends are in the queue" I'd be annoyed.

NearlyOutedMyself · 07/12/2019 16:48

I've had someone sit down at my table in a shopping centre food court, containing about 100 tables. It was late afternoon/early evening and the place was virtually deserted apart from us and the staff. Perhaps she felt lonely or it was her usual table. I didn't ask her but continued to eat. It was a bit unnerving at the time though Grin.

churchandstate · 07/12/2019 16:48

Livelovebehappy

It’s nothing like getting on a bus. Sitting at a table to eat a meal in peace isn’t the same as public transport, and it’s rude to seat yourself with someone during a meal or drinks without acknowledgment and manners.

NearlyOutedMyself · 07/12/2019 16:53

Oh and I know of at least one cafe where you get slotted into empty seats if you're on your own: you can't start a new table so to speak. The owner tells you you where to sit and you sit there! I rather like it as it removes any dithering wondering if you can sit somewhere.

LoonyLunaLoo · 07/12/2019 16:53

It’s polite to ask and polite to say yes. If you’re going expect to share a table with someone, you should at least exchange a few polite words!

Straycatstrut · 07/12/2019 16:56

Oh and I know of at least one cafe where you get slotted into empty seats if you're on your own: you can't start a new table so to speak. The owner tells you you where to sit and you sit there! I rather like it as it removes any dithering wondering if you can sit somewhere.

I'd like this too, nice and straight forward system. I've never seen it in cafes before though. I used to hate getting seated in restaurants with my ex because we'd ALWAYS get seated like in between people, really slotted in. I used to always bite my tongue and wonder why they put people next to people when the rest of the place is empty- surely couples having a meal want a bit of privacy!

NearlyOutedMyself · 07/12/2019 17:11

I think in restaurants, the waiting staff will put you in their section so they'll get the tips! It does look a bit odd sometimes with everyone bunched up together.

churchandstate · 07/12/2019 17:12

surely couples having a meal want a bit of privacy!

I think everyone is entitled to a reasonable level of privacy. A person sitting down alone at the smallest available table isn’t inviting a group to come and share their space.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 17:14

I would always ask first. Wouldn't dream of just taking the seats without a word or eye contact. How would I know they weren't't needed for people on their way?

Aragog · 07/12/2019 17:19

Sorry I still think someone alone in a café who hogs a table for four and refuses to allow someone else to have a seat is unbelievably rude.

But that might be all there is there. Everyone is allowed to have a bit of space around them and not be forced to share their space. They might want some privacy, or just need some time out.

Are single people not allowed to sit in a cafe and enjoy a drink and food on their own?

If you ask almost everyone would say yes anyway, just simply as its polite and its inbuilt for most of us, even when we'd rather they wouldn't.

But can you imagine being a person on your own enjoying a drink and then having 3 people take over your table talking over you and leaving you feel like a real safe part in amongst their group. Horrible.

Aragog · 07/12/2019 17:24

"In a cafe environment it's normal to share"

Not here.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 07/12/2019 17:28

But can you imagine being a person on your own enjoying a drink and then having 3 people take over your table talking over you and leaving you feel like a real safe part in amongst their group. Horrible

I always take the smallest possible table, & if I’ve nearly finished & see someone looking for a seat I’ll hurry up a bit. But if a group joined me or somebody sat down & tried to chat, I’d get up & leave as quickly as possible.

Sagradafamiliar · 07/12/2019 17:30

I was sat at as a family of three on a table of four once, about to order food, when some man came over and sat down with his drink. Didn't utter a word and had just inserted himself into our family day out. We actually put out coats back on and left, it was excruciating strange.

Sagradafamiliar · 07/12/2019 17:31

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