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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you ask before deciding to share a table with someone?

132 replies

M3lon · 07/12/2019 12:10

I'm not very sociable, so I may be wrong, but if there were no tables free and you saw someone sitting on their own at a 4 seater, would you ask them if you could sit there, or just sit down and pointedly ignore them?

I'd have said yes if they asked......

OP posts:
NomdePlumeYetAgain · 07/12/2019 13:40

TheRightHonorable we need more of this. I hope it gave him food for thought.
You just know someone so inconsiderate would have manspread as soon as he sat down.

Bluerussian · 07/12/2019 13:41

I'd ask first.

NomdePlumeYetAgain · 07/12/2019 13:43

Butchy surely you just had to go up to the table & look at them? WinkGrin

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2019 13:49

Butchy surely you just had to go up to the table & look at them? Wink Grin

At that tender age sadly my face had not yet fully settled into its I want to brutally murder you NOW lines.

Who said ageing was all bad?

Babieseverywhere · 07/12/2019 13:50

Tbh if I had a tray of food, I would sit without asking. As in my mind, people who have their food should take priority over those who are saving a table for someone who is further back in the queue.

If it was a sit and be served space, I would ask if it was ok to share a table.

NomdePlumeYetAgain · 07/12/2019 13:51

In NYC they have a minimum charge per table at peak periods. Fair enough, their rent & business rates are crazy. They absolutely would Not tolerate someone like Gwen thinking it’s okay to order one lot of food/drinks at a four seater table when the restaurant could be receiving payment for four.

Incomprehensibly selfish and just not common sense.
I think I’d ask as a formality; it would have to be utterly rammed for me to share.

NomdePlumeYetAgain · 07/12/2019 13:53

Butchy I hear you. Wink

Newgirls · 07/12/2019 13:53

I think table sharing is a thing now - more relaxed vibe. And in a small cafe on a December Saturday totally ok else they’d lose business.

DarlingNikita · 07/12/2019 13:57

I always ask, with a pleasant smile, 'Is this seat free?' and I'd expect to be asked if it's the other way round. I don't mind table-sharing per se; in fact I probably prefer a long communal table or a window counter to a 'traditional' table – but I would find it odd not to be asked. And I'm in That London and sometimes go to hipster cafes and the kind where people sit with laptops and pretend to work.

I8toys · 07/12/2019 14:02

Always ask first - as others have said they maybe waiting for others to join.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/12/2019 14:03

Frankly, if someone sat in a vacant seat at my table without a word, I would tell them it was taken and to get out of it, whether I was waiting for a friend or not. Of course I would let people sit in a vacant seat if they asked nicely, but not entitled rude idiots.

Geschwister4 · 07/12/2019 14:14

I remember a few years back staying in a posh hotel in Germany and when me and my mother wanted to have breakfast, we were forced to share a table with 2 strangers. I left a review on Trip Advisor to share this experience (honestly there had happened a few other strange things as well) and was promptly contacted by the hotel manager to apologize for the inconvenience. I asked him how he was going to make up to me for the inconvenience and got a voucher for a 1 night for free stay

Totally ridiculous, and the poor owner having to deal with this kind of non-complaint.

I did this yesterday- was in a busy cafe with DD and someone was sat at a table of four, with a lap top and an empty cup. We had a tray of food and there was nowhere else free. I rocked up with a cheery ' you don't mind if we sit here do you?' and she just nodded, but to be honest I would not have cared if she said she did mind- she did not own the other seats at the table so it was not for her to grant me permission or not.

Incidentally, we ate our food and left, and she was still sitting there on her lap top with the empty coffee cup, and people were still coming along with trays of food looking for tables to sit at. In my opinion she was being a CF hogging a table so long after she had finished her drink!

AhNowTed · 07/12/2019 14:15

Entitlement works both ways.

Was in a packed Pret with people standing with trays waiting for seats.

2 people at a 3 seater table.

"Do you mind...?" says I.

"Yes!" says she "we're having a conversation"

Of course I sat down anyway.

They're as bad as seat hoggers on a packed train.

Livpool · 07/12/2019 14:22

I'd always ask if the seats were free. And I would expect to be asked if vice verse

DowntownAbby · 07/12/2019 14:38

I rocked up

Second only to 'reached out'.

MistyCloud · 07/12/2019 14:54

YANBU. I would definitely ask.

Etinox · 07/12/2019 15:05

@M3lon Tell is more!

Etinox · 07/12/2019 15:06

Sorry, @Cherry4weans. Not to snub you @M3lon!

MRex · 07/12/2019 15:12

In a cafe environment it's normal to share, so I would ask if the seats are free and then sit if not. It's extremely rude not to ask because people often wait for someone. There isn't an option my way for "bugger off, I want to sit alone", but it's a cafe, so go somewhere quieter or fancier if you want to be sure of having your own table.

I have weirdly had people ask to share when there are free tables in the past. One time the woman said she didn't like the draft by the door, which was umderstandable so we shared. The other times I've no idea what was up, but I suggested they use a free table instead. I don't mind being sociable when it's necessary, but otherwise no.

Cherry4weans · 07/12/2019 15:23

Will be brief -
Me: Completely done with men. Going to live happily single with my kids and cats.
Him: Just lost a bunch of weight and still low in confidence. No way he would approach someone he liked. My friend sits at a pub table, his friends, and me and my friends are buying drinks at the bar and go to turn round and sit at same table. The proximity and realisation that there are exactly the correct amount of seats gives him the confidence to politely ask to join our table and the rest is our history. 7 years so far of happiness. Not exciting but we wouldn't have spoken if not sat together like this, because neither would have approached the other. We were also both supposed to be in different places that evening. I realised not all men are dicks and he gained confidence in himself that he was a good, kind, funny guy.

Cherry4weans · 07/12/2019 15:24

Sorry that wasn't so brief Confusedor interesting..

Honeybee85 · 07/12/2019 15:32

@Geschwister4

Poor us, having to pay £25 pp for breakfast and then not even being able to have a private conversation. Hotel manager agreed with me about this ‘non -complaint’ as he knows that people pay quite a lot of money for comfort and privacy in a 5* hotel (perhaps you’re not familiar with this kind of places). It’s not a MC Donalds....

30to50FeralHogs · 07/12/2019 15:35

My DB and I have gone down in family folklore for the time we were in a cafe together on a (very small!) table for 4. A guy came up and asked if he could sit there and we both looked at each other, then looked back at this man and both said no. Apparently this is not the done thing!

As far as he knew we were a couple on a date or having a very important discussion, as it happens we were probably just moaning about work, but it would have completely changed the way we talked if there had been someone sat immediately next to us!!

Gwenhwyfar · 07/12/2019 15:40

"In a cafe environment it's normal to share"

Not where I live it's not! Very rare occurrence.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/12/2019 15:42

"They absolutely would Not tolerate someone like Gwen thinking it’s okay to order one lot of food/drinks at a four seater table when the restaurant could be receiving payment for four.
Incomprehensibly selfish and just not common sense."

We're talking about cafes, not restaurants.
I wouldn't choose a table for four if a table for one or two people was available, but if a smaller table is not available I have the same right as anyone else to take a table and it's not the norm to share with people you don't know, except in certain places.

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