To think this child needs a specialist school

[Londongirl86]

Hi all. I am concerned about a child at my child's school and her behaviour. A week ago my DD was attacked by this child at lunch. She rubbed food all over her face and punched her in the back. The teacher said she has problems and that doesn't excuse it but she's dealt with.

I went home happy enough and told my DD to keep away from her. Over the last few days two other parents knew straight away at the gates who had hurt her. The reason being their children had also been hurt by this child. She also gets angry in class and they have to evacuate there kids.

My friends child was hurt by this kid Thursday. And apparently she also kicked mine again. so we reported it yesterday morning. She came out of school yesterday and told me this child smacked her drink out her hand and stamped on her friends foot. The teachers said nothing to me after school. My child said she was taken indoors for being naughty.

Through conversation in the playground at least 7 kids have been attacked by her. She has problems and we know she's fostered. She clearly isn't able to cope. What is really upsetting is the teachers allowing her out at lunch to harm others. They said it's hard to watch her. You would think they would be concerned she will put a child in hospital if she kicks or pushes them wrong.

My child's only been at school 2 months. She's still settling. I'm annoyed I'm in a position now where I need to keep having words with the teachers. I don't want to become that annoying mum that's pestering them every day. But I also AM not comfortable with my child being put at risk by a violent child who is struggling.

What should be happening with all this? Surely she should be constantly with an adult or at a specialist school?

The school has a duty of care to all pupils, including yours.

Although you can be sympathetic to the other girls predicament, you need to put your child first. This girl is a bully. Full stop. This girl is physically hurting yours (and other) child(-ren). It needs to be dealt with. Speak to the teacher, then head, then governors, if needs be. Ask for their anti-bullying policy.

When your child is being harmed, you need to be that annoying parent.

Tbh, complaining is the best way. Not much point moaning to the teacher though, they will be doing all they can already, you need to go further up.

If her problems stem from the fact that she is fostered then realistically she is not going to get a place at a SEN school. Maybe its pastoral care that needs to become more involved with her. I understand that she is being nasty to other kids but at the same time I cant help but feel sorry for her. A child who behaves like that cannot be happy and who knows what kind of home she originally came from.

beveren
The child's ECHP status is none of the OP's business. The OP doesn't need to do anything.
What the school is doing behind the scenes is also none of the OP's business, nor is it the business of parents who want to gossip between themselves.

They need to raise concerns about their child's safety through appropriate channels.
The wider care and support for the other child has nothing to do with them

I work in a school and have dealt with children similar to this. It is bloody frustrating that the money isn’t there to support them properly.
You need to speak to the head and ask what steps are in place to protect YOUR child all the other parents need to do similar.
Our head took steps to keep the child in during lunch so all the others could play and eat lunch without fear or injury. This child then got 10-15 minutes outside after lunch with TA supervision.
But above all as hard as it is please remember that this poor child has had a horrific start in life and has suffered trauma.

In my child’s state school there are a lot of “that parent” and so these types of issues get dealt with quickly. Letter to head teacher copy to governors listing all events that have affected your child etc. - if it happens again take photos of bruises etc. Mention fear for your child’s safety and mention the school’s duty of care towards your child in reception. Come up with specific solutions for the school to keep reception separate from older year groups. It is relevant that said child is older and stronger and can therefore cause more harm to a younger child.

There is some awful pomposity in some replies here, blaming the parents for gossiping, saying it’s an unpleasant culture and saying they are being unkind. Their children are being hurt, not just the usual bangs and scrapes of normal playground life - are they supposed to not compare notes ? Be realistic.

That poor little girl :(

I'd suggest you ask for a meeting with the head. Beforehand, arm yourself with copies of the school's safeguarding and bullying policies, and go through them carefully. At the meeting, make it absolutely clear you are not asking for any information about this child; the only item on the agenda is how they are going to guarantee to keep your child safe.

I'm surprised they allowed a 7 year old in with the reception kids!
There was a similar little boy in my ds's class. He has a sweet heart but due to home circumstances went through a year of being very violent and aggressive. The mother would laugh and say "yeah, he's thrown a chair again!". We also don't have spare 1-1 so to protect the staff and pupils the kid spent most of his time alone with the head in her office.

The situation can't continue as the children have a right to safety. Have you requested a meeting with the teacher or head? I don't think it's too much to want to know what they intend to do.

The child is obviously struggling to adjust as many traumatised children in the care system are. I hope it is resolved but in the meantime, please find some empathy for the child who has lost their family, their norm, their safe place and been put in a school and expected to come with yet another transition that she was likely poorly prepared for by her family

OP can have empathy for the child an d. Still be concerned about the impact on her child and the other children.

Thanks everyone. We are not gossiping about this child. None of us even know what this child looks like. Our children talk Infront of eachother on the way home and my child's close to my friend etc. We have spoken to eachother about it. We've told our children to tell one of us. We've told them to keep away from her and explained she needs extra help to me kind.

Nobody has said this child should be in a special school etc. They are my thoughts. My thoughts that this child's going to harm someone one day seriously. My thoughts that this poor child isn't coping. I don't mean it in a horrible way. I mean it in a nice way. This child needs an adult supporting her. I am far from a gossip. I am concerned for my little girl and hope she never ends up too scared to go to to school because of this. I'm not sure whether to keep track of the next week or two then go in if more happens. I already spoke to them Friday and I don't know if I should be telling them constantly.

This will be having a huge affect on several children who are probably intimidated and scared of her. She's had a worse life than most of us (potentially) if I could give her a better life I would. I'm not a horrible person. I was never going to shoot anyone down who disagreed @LolaSmiles I've taken all posts on board. You called me a playground gossip. Like I enjoy whispering too other mums. I don't. I spoke to two friends who's children had spoken to them about my child being attacked. They then mentioned it happened to their child too. I hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later. If her violence doesn't settle and she's remaining at the school she needs the right help!

OP, I agree with the posters saying you need to focus on your child not the other child. Every time your child is hurt, you must talk to the teacher or headteacher and ask about how they are safeguarding your child. Don't ask what is happening to the other child. Keep a log of incidents, and if necessary go to the governers if you don't feel there is an improvement. You say you don't want to become that annoying mum that's pestering them every day, but that's what you must do.

Also, don't vote Conservative next week. Schools cannot supervise children properly when they do not have enough funding.

FFS, @LolaSmiles. I simply asked whether the OP knew the foster parents and suggested that she could refer them to some sources of help. It's not an issue of whether it's OP's business. If she knows them, she can judge whether they would be receptive. It's not for you to start laying down the law about what OP can or cannot say to them.

JellyfishandShells is 100% right about the levels of pomposity on this thread.

We had a similar problem with a child who started in Reception this year. He isn't a LAC, but his violent outbursts in the playground resulted in one child getting a bloody nose and another a black eye. He is not allowed outside unless holding the hand of a teacher, TA or dinner supervisor.
I can understand why previous posters feel sorry for the child in this situation, but why should other (younger) children be put at risk? I wouldn't go to work if I were at risk of a colleague attacking me.

JellyfishAndShells
It's not pompous at all.

The OP would be well within their rights to be going down a formal complaint route with the school if the school fail in their duty to keep their child safe. The school have a duty of care to all children.

That is absolutely separate to people discussing the child being in care, deciding they think the child would be better home educated etc.

One is absolutely appropriate holding the school to account for keeping their child safe
The other is unpleasant gossiping.

OP, I am in agreement with you. I think the current presumption that children with conduct disorders or SN that cause risks to other children should be left in mainstream education in the hope that they improve with very little support lets everyone down: that child, your child, the whole community. This little girl clearly needs intensive support and your child has the right to be safe at school.

Nobody has said this child should be in a special school etc

That's the title of your thread!

Write to your MP. Children with SEND and SEMH (mental health issues) have been the most affected by funding cuts. Specialist schools may be available but the places have to be funded somehow.

The OP would be well within their rights to be going down a formal complaint route with the school if the school fail in their duty to keep their child safe. The school have a duty of care to all children.

That is absolutely separate to people discussing the child being in care, deciding they think the child would be better home educated etc.

One is absolutely appropriate holding the school to account for keeping their child safe

The other is unpleasant gossiping.

^ This

Outcomes for excluded students are worse and outcomes for children in care are worse, so why would doing both at the start of school be a good thing?

To give the other children respite and peace. They matter every bit as much and some of them are not feeling safe. Remove the child and they will.

Ii’m Not sure what the answer is to this TBH. Our son is in a class where he has been hurt several times by the same child. There is also another child who regularly loses his temper and the class has to be evacuated. The school say they have no funding to provide any additional support. Similarly, our son possibly has a SLD and we’ve been told the school has nothing to offer.

There is no money to support children who struggle or to keep other children safe. It’s a terrible state of affairs!

I hope your daughter isn’t too upset by the incident and that she settles well at her new school.

What should be happening with all this?Surely she should be constantly with an adult or at a specialist school?

I hope you’re not voting Tory next week!

Budgets have been slashed so much that not only have we got no TAs any more, the senco hours have also been cut! There are also no spaces in any local special schools.

Go, austerity...

You know nothing about this child other than they have been through significant enough trauma in their young life to mean they have lost the love of their parents. The way you are speaking about their actions is sensationalist and I would suggest is unlikely to be an accurate reflection of what is happening. You don't "know" they will cause serious harm, you are making an assumption, unless you have a crystal ball. The gossip is spiteful and cruel. I'm utterly shocked at the complete lack of empathy from so many. Yes, you must protect your child, you are their parent. Just like this child has their parent to love and protect them..... no wait, they don't. They aren't lucky enough to have to luxury of a loving family. They are probably scared and their heart must break every day. I know, let's isolate and reject them further and ban them from playtime, even better lets ban them from school altogether!!

No, it's not an excuse for their behaviour but it is a reason. Have a little compassion. Work with the school don't bitch about it. They have very limited resources and are probably doing the best they can.

This makes me very sad for that young child.

Formally complain to the head each time (this will help them get extra support), as others have said with the focus being on your child not being safe. Use these incidents to campaign for staggered lunch breaks (I assume the playground can't be sectioned off). If all else fails I'd be offering to volunteer as a playground supervisor (if you aren't working or can work around this) or demanding my child is allowed to stay indoors if she ever feels unsafe.

And for god sake don't vote for Tories at the election.