How do I tell work about my period? (Quick help needed)

[limecello]

I started my period during the night and honestly, I must be having the worst period of my iife - the first day is always bad but not usually to this extent. My muscle walls in my bum and lower back are periodically cramping (every 10 mins) so violently it's actually made me scream out loud. I've also been sick (sometimes happens) which has given me a bloody awful headache. Still retching but luckily I didn't eat much last night due to nausea.

I was hoping to pull myself together and get into work for 10...not happened. I've been up since 5 and don't know what to do.

I've just started working for a big company and am literally the only woman on my team (hardly any in my dept either) - I don't know if I feel comfortable telling my boss I'm having period pain. I don't want to use my period as an excuse I'm genuinely suffering.

Please advise what you would do.

When I was 17 I did complain about painful periods and was put on yasmin which never agreed with me.

Don’t be fobbed off with the pill, you need to see a specialist

Some of them stopped my periods but I still had severe pain. Some of them didn’t stop my period. Some caused extreme side effects - like the mirena coil (daily extreme uterine contractions, like being in labour, and it took a year to get them to remove it, I ended up needing it surgically removed).

When on a functioning contraceptive, my periods were lighter, or I had one every 9 weeks rather than every four, but the pain wasn’t better as I still had disease internally and scar tissue gluing everything together. Often I’d have breakthrough bleeding. I also have disease in the wall of the uterus (adenomyosis) and there’s nothing to be done about that other than a hysterectomy.

Do you have private healthcare with your work? You need a referral to a gynaecologist. What you're experiencing isn't normal and you can't go through life with such crippling symptoms

You don't need to tell them why you are off if you don't feel comfortable, I don't agree with lying about being ill; but as you are definitely too poorly to work then you wouldn't be. Also I agree with others who have said it's worth seeing someone, more than likely you will get fobbed off to start with, sadly. But there are things that might help and might work. Hope today is going okay and you are feeling better soon.

You need to ring up. Unless you have been specifically told to email on occasions such as these, I'm afraid an email doesn't cut it. The phone call won't be lengthy. Just say you have been sick, are in pain, etc, and they will leave it there.

I agree with others though on 2 points. 1. You need to force yourself in when you have a cold, even if it is just to show everyone how bad you are and can be sent home. My son is in the same position as you, just started his first post graduate job. He has rarely been ill his whole life but in the space of 5 weeks, he caught 2 heavy colds and had one episode of an upset stomach. He went to work on all occasions, struggled through with the colds, but got sent home the day he had the bad stomach as he was spending all the time on the loo anyway.

1. You need to see a GP about your periods because you know it is going to be a regular thing that might result in you needing time off work. I don't think your colleagues would think badly of you today if they knew the real reason why you were off - ime men are generally more sympathetic of women's problems than other women are - but it is silly for you to continue to suffer when there are medical treatments you can take.

Hope you feel better very soon.

You need to call, most company policies are that sickness must be reported with a phone call. Just thinking ahead here

On the colds - if I have a bad cold i get nauseous, brain fog, a banging headache and get fatigued. I need to go to bed for 1 or 2 days to get over it. Sometimes colds can be awful. Sometimes you absolutely need time off.

Tell them the truth.

And then go and see your GP. Seems an obvious thing to do. Unless you're planning on having to take a day off sick every month?

Norovirus is rife at the moment it’s even been on the news, I’d use that

You are unwell. You have no obligation to go into detail with your managers, only to notify them that you will not be at work. If any further enquiries need to be made that can be done via HR. Do you have HR?
However make sure that you know the notification procedure and have followed it correctly. Do you have a staff handbook? That will usually give details, should also have been explained in your induction.

You really need to read your company's sickness policy. Several people have advised you that most company's now require you to phone in within the first hour of absence.

Secondly, you need to make a GP appointment. You don't need to be symptomatic at the time of the appointment. Describe your worst symptoms and ask for a referral to gynae.

I agree that some colds warrant time off. I have always found it easier though to struggle in to work and get sent home, less guilt about taking time off, you can think to yourself 'it's ok, I was TOLD by management to go home.' Seems like the OP could do with a strategy that lessens her sense of guilt.

Also - as well as the pain is there very heavy bleeding? As in flooding a towel within an hour or so? How often are you having to change tampons/pads?

It's also worth noting that the number of absences can be a trigger for companies to extend your probationary period. You need to be pro-active about your health. You're a grown woman now.

Think of it this way- the majority of women do not suffer this level of pain when they menstruate. You have a medical condition that causes you unusual pain. The fact that this happens monthly doesn’t make it any less of a medical condition. Therefore (a) you are entitled to take sick leave and (b) you should look into what can be done to alleviate the condition. Step away from the thinking that this is any different from any other illness or condition.

You need to get this sorted with GP / referral . You should not be in this much pain and / or missing days each month

Sinkgirl

Thanks for replying. That does sound horrendous and I honestly thought that sort of problem was solved easily these days with the new no period pills.

Op it does sound like you're the frog in the hot water. As someone above said, most women have little to no pain. I have never had more than the odd twinge, couldn’t really be classed as a cramp. Go and make a big fuss at the gp, it sounds horrendous to experience that and you’re right to be concerned about having too many sick days from a new job.

Echoing everyone else - see your GP and be persistent.

I was upfront about my endo issues with my (male) manager and he was very supportive when I needed time off for a hysterectomy. I think you should be as honest as possible.

In a wider sense, there needs to be more awareness of the impact endo can have in the workplace, and more awareness of endo full stop as so many women are just fobbed off at the doctors. I was fobbed off for more than 10 years.

Hoping you can get the help you need, OP.

In used to hang periods pain like this, is saw a medical herbalist and she b totally sorted it. I only remember one of the herbs was called blue something, not much help. Sorry.

The reputable ones are registered to National Institute Of Medical Herbalists, you could look it up on line?

I know it won’t help today, but no ones life should be blighted like this, and after battling GP for gynae referral, waiting months, having every investigation and being told that there was “ nothing wrong” , and as pain relief didn’t work I could have a hysterectomy ( before kids When I was quite young) , this seemed worth sharing.
Best of luck with it op .

the majority of women do not suffer this level of pain when they menstruate.

sadly, I am not even sure that's true. It's grossly ignored and taken lightly,
but many women have an horrendous time. But when even other women don't take the issue seriously, you really need to push to get heard.

Remember a thread about swimming? So many posters (pretending they were female, impossible to check ) were telling that it's was shameful and ridiculous not to "get on with it" as if it was that easy.

Hi Op. I am a fellow PCOS sufferer, and every so often get such awful periods that I can't go to work. Or leave the house. Or even bother putting clothes on.

For the first 18 months of my job, I was on the pill so didnt get periods, so when I came off it last year it was very hard to explain to my male manager what was going on. I simply told him I had a gynae condition, and that I felt uncomfortable going into details with him, but would happily explain to a female manager. He arranged for me to speak with his manager, who listened to my diagnosis and how it was affecting my work, and we agreed to add it to my file as a long term health condition, which means it does not count towards short term sickness trigger points for meetings with managers. We also agreed that if my period was a reason for me being unable to work, I would simply have to say Gynae issues to my manager, and there would be no further discussion on it. I have only had to use it twice in the last year, when I have been too heavy to leave the safety of my house. I've found that they are really really understanding about it, because it really isn't something that can be helped.

@Spacebowlisback Yes, it did. The other thing that really helped was my GP teaching me how NSAIDS actually work, and how they're much better at preventing inflammation than reducing it, so you should start taking them as soon as you feel the first twinge, keep taking them regularly and not stop until your period is over. I've gone from writhing around in bed in agony, sweating, fainting and having to have time off work to having maybe a few days of mild discomfort with maybe one or two bouts of "ouch". But NOTHING like it was.

Chronic pain sufferer and former sufferer of horrendous periods here.

You should be taking cocodamol and an nsaid eg ibuprofen / feminax. The two combined are as effective as morphine apparently. If your periods are regular, start taking these the day before your period is due. This will also help with the pain as it takes time to fully dose up.

I agree with not being fobbed off. I let the Gp fob me off and it led to me being very very ill for a very long time pre hysterectomy. Not recovered either.

I would call in sick and say you have terrible cramps in your belly.

Most men will have understood what is going on and ask no further. If they do, sinply say: extremely painful female issues.

Op, sorry you are suffering anxiety but you really must follow the sickness policy properly and be truthful when you fill in your self certification. Our company requires people to phone in sick in the morning so we know where they are, you feel a muppet doing it but they must be able to confirm the message is received. Nobody minds a good employee who is working hard around their health problems. But there are just as many timewasters who are vague about "having a bug", always on a Friday, you need to be completely professional from the start.