Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday shopping dilemma- who is BU?

112 replies

Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 20:24

DH and I just had a row over shopping. I get it that it's not a men's thing but it's a holiday shopping FFS! Meaning, shopping for his DM, our DC, his DNephews and DNieces, my side of family's DNephews and DNieces and a few more people. Literally because of this, majority of this year's shopping is done through Amazon. I am just so sick of this. It ruins the mood and joyful feeling towards the holiday.
DH's leaving early today from work and said he needs to work tonight, again!!! He has been working evenings from past 3 days. We did discuss a week prior that 3 evenings out of 4 he can work and 1 evening after work, we will go for shopping. Of course, tonight is the night and he's saying even though he's leaving work early, we still can't make time to go out for shopping.

How do I deal with this? Any other couple going through something similar? Thank you

OP posts:
DingDongDenny · 05/12/2019 20:41

Seems like he is working a lot of hours. Normally I would say it's not right that it becomes wife work and your DH should contribute equally. But given how many hours he is working, I'd cut him some slack

BackforGood · 05/12/2019 20:43

I'm confused.
Why does he need to go, physically to shops, when he doesn't like shopping, is struggling for time, and he can order what he needs on-line? Confused

I don't think my dh has ever been Christmas shopping in his life.

underneaththeash · 05/12/2019 20:43

I would never do shopping with DH. What's holiday shopping though?

pelirocco123 · 05/12/2019 20:43

Do you mean Christmas Shopping ?

isseywith4vampirecats · 05/12/2019 20:44

do you mean you are going shopping because you are going on holiday or do you mean christmas shopping cant stand this new habit of calling christmas holiday so it dosent offend anyone

Bananacloud · 05/12/2019 20:48

What OP is saying is, she wants to go Christmas shopping with her DH and him actually enjoy it rather than shopping online (I think)
I agree with OP, if that’s what she’s trying to say.

GnomeDePlume · 05/12/2019 20:48

Are you expecting Christmas shopping to be an enjoyable activity? Are you wanting to create an event out of it - going from shop to shop with an increasing pile of beautifully wrapped parcels?

bridgetreilly · 05/12/2019 20:49

Why can't you do it on Amazon together? Or have the discussion together about what to get and then one of you do the actual shopping? I really don't get why this needs to be a joint venture out to the shops?

theemmadilemma · 05/12/2019 20:49

If there's one way to ruin Christmas spirit in me, it's trasping around bloody crowded shops, in and out of hot shops into cold air, crowds and queue everywhere.

I'd rather shop on Amazon in front of a Christmas movie.

RedskyToNight · 05/12/2019 20:50

I wouldn't want to spend my only non-working-late-night of the week going shopping. And I'm female so nothing to do with it not being a men's thing. What's the problem with just buying everything online? Seems like you think going to the shopping is joyful, and he doesn't - can't you just go on your own/with a a friend? You get the stuff from physical shops and he can sort the online stuff?

Reallybadidea · 05/12/2019 20:51

He can't help it if he doesn't like Christmas shopping. Go with a friend or someone who does find it fun!

Celebelly · 05/12/2019 20:51

I haven't been 'out' to do Christmas shopping in years, minus the odd local craft fair. It's awful. We do it all online! I don't think your DH is BU not to want to spend his one evening off traipsing about the shops if it can be done online. He is BU if you're expected to do it all, including thinking of what to get people, because he considers it 'wife work' though.

Oysterbabe · 05/12/2019 20:52

I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than going foraging for presents like a caveman. I buy everything online.

BackforGood · 05/12/2019 20:53

What OP is saying is, she wants to go Christmas shopping with her DH and him actually enjoy it rather than shopping online (I think)
I agree with OP, if that’s what she’s trying to say.

Confused

Why ?

How can anyone expect to 'dictate' what another person "enjoys" ?

Am I missing something ?

Drum2018 · 05/12/2019 20:53

Sort your own side of the family out and tell him he can sort his side. If he fails to get them anything then tough. He can explain to them that he didn't have time to shop.

Alsohuman · 05/12/2019 20:55

I went Christmas shopping today. It was hellish. Fuck knows what the shops are like at weekends or in the evenings. Do it online if you value your sanity.

Pipandmum · 05/12/2019 20:55

If he doesn't enjoy it then let him get his relatives gifts online. If you do enjoy it go do your shopping in the shops. Do not take on the whole job yourself, but don't get mad at him about his preference either.

xmaself24 · 05/12/2019 20:59

Do you mean Xmas shopping? Most people do it online don't they?

MyNewBearTotoro · 05/12/2019 21:02

All my shopping has been done online, shopping is stressful even without the Christmas crowds. If he’s working in the evenings then buying stuff from amazon and other online stores makes perfect sense, especially as it’s usually cheaper than the high street. If there’s anything you really can’t get online why do you need him to come with you? Can’t you just go shopping for what you need with a list whilst he’s at work?

Original poster
Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 21:02

Sorry about the confusion, from Canada here so Christmas Season is refereed pretty much as Holiday Season. Like Happy Holidays.. not sure if you guys have heard the term but pretty common here in Canada.

OP posts:
StrayWoman · 05/12/2019 21:04

I hate shopping in shops. Especially at Christmas. I've shopped online for Christmas presents for the last 7 years.

I'm with your DH 100%. Theres nothing fun of festive about being rammed in a mosh pit shopping centre of Christmas shoppers, pushchairs, rowdy teens, shitey Mariah Carey blaring out of speakers.

ThePortIsSunny · 05/12/2019 21:05

To compromise, he should order everything online to be collected in store to save delivery fees.

ActualFemale · 05/12/2019 21:05

Well it's the opposite in my house. Dh likes to go the shops to buy gifts, I hate it.

He gets grumpy finding a parking space and then it's all downhill from there. He knows and can see why I find it stressful because until recently I'd be jostled and pushed and knocked by other people paying no attention to what they're doing. Then stood in a queue or what feels like forever.

As a result he goes shopping for his family instores, I do mine online because he doesn't expect me to pretend to be enjoying an activity I don't like at the best of times never mind at the busiest time of the year.

It's the same with birthdays, he doesn't need me with him at the shop to buy his side of the family their gifts. If he wants my opinion in a specific thing he just texts me a photo and what I think.

I don't mind late window shopping and we've been known to do that together sometimes.

stiffstink · 05/12/2019 21:06

Urgh, why would you want to physically go to shops when you don’t have to?! I’m with your DH (not at the shops).

Oldbutstillgotit · 05/12/2019 21:08

Why don’t you buy gifts for your side and leave him to deal with his side of the family if you are finding it too much ? I hate Christmas shopping and it would be even worse with my lovely DH so we do it separately.