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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday shopping dilemma- who is BU?

112 replies

Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 20:24

DH and I just had a row over shopping. I get it that it's not a men's thing but it's a holiday shopping FFS! Meaning, shopping for his DM, our DC, his DNephews and DNieces, my side of family's DNephews and DNieces and a few more people. Literally because of this, majority of this year's shopping is done through Amazon. I am just so sick of this. It ruins the mood and joyful feeling towards the holiday.
DH's leaving early today from work and said he needs to work tonight, again!!! He has been working evenings from past 3 days. We did discuss a week prior that 3 evenings out of 4 he can work and 1 evening after work, we will go for shopping. Of course, tonight is the night and he's saying even though he's leaving work early, we still can't make time to go out for shopping.

How do I deal with this? Any other couple going through something similar? Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 21:12

Will try to combine an answer from everyone's reply.

We both work FT. Yes majority of shopping we do from Amazon but definitely there a few things that we need to physically go out and buy. The expectation is for sure that I do it all by myself. From planning to buying and wrapping, all me. I have cut him a lot of slack. We don't have kids of our own, but I do have DSC, we usually have them from Friday eve to Sunday eve. 60 miles one way drive every week. So weekends and Friday night is not convenient at all as we make sure we spend the most with the kids and of course after a full day at work, we both are knackered on Friday night and Saturday morning. This weekend, we will be taking our kids out for their Christmas Shopping. I am just so sick of planning and try to get him into a mood so that we all can shop in a peaceful mind.

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 05/12/2019 21:17

Make him responsible for his own family. Just don't do it and don't give in.

cakeandchampagne · 05/12/2019 21:19

Some people prefer a very specific list and a time frame. Maybe he needs this?

Jenpop234 · 05/12/2019 21:22

Hate Christmas shopping! If DH wants to go to the shops he can do so without me. I get most stuff online. There's no reason why we have to have all the same interests! I like going swimming but I don't expect DH to give up his evenings to go.

LondonJax · 05/12/2019 21:23

I've never shopped for DH's family for Christmas. I didn't do the Christmas gifts for my Ex-H's family either. I buy my side, wrap them and that's it. I'll happily help with the wrapping and I'll give DH ideas but that's it. I work, he works.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 05/12/2019 21:27

Don't take on the responsibility for presents for his family.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 05/12/2019 21:32

Go shopping, sort your family out, leave DH to sort his. That's what we do although I do have to set a clear budget or DH goes for expensive convenience.

We don't go out Christmas shopping as such as if we go together, the kids have to come too and that's no fun for anyone.

Purpleartichoke · 05/12/2019 21:36

But as much as you can online, pick up the brick and mortar pieces for your side and leave him to do his side.

I have never once expected that DH and I would Christmas shop together. We divide up the list and just run errands when we can. He works near several shops so we tend to assign him things near his work to save on travel time for both of us.

Ellie56 · 05/12/2019 21:39

I thought from your OP you were off on holiday somewhere.I did wonder where you were buying shorts and swimwear from in the middle of December! Grin

MIdgebabe · 05/12/2019 21:39

Erm...do you actually see Christmas shopping as a treat or a chore? Me and dh both hate it so we support each other through the necessary evil, because we have agreed that sometimes it's socially unacceptable not to provide presents, but we would both go out of our way to avoid it.

You however sound like you actually want to go?! And that you would get it done anyway without his participation? Isn't that doing your partner a kindness?

Original poster
Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 21:42

Okay I accept, that I am the one BU. It just we are very closely knitted family. I do stuff for him and his family and he does the same. But the shopping is something that we can never agree on. Every time for anything we have to go do shopping, he will be in a bad mood.
I am not and never leave his stuff or his family stuff on him. I share all the responsibilities.

OP posts:
vivacian · 05/12/2019 21:45

I am not and never leave his stuff or his family stuff on him. I share all the responsibilities.

But The expectation is for sure that I do it all by myself. From planning to buying and wrapping, all me. doesn't sound much like sharing.

Seriously, you do your side the way you want to do it and let him do his side the way he wants to do it.

LannisterLion1 · 05/12/2019 21:47

He does half, you do half. He does his all online. You then wrap the gifts you've bought. If he doesn't do his bit he can explain why.

LannisterLion1 · 05/12/2019 21:48

As in you each wrap your own purchases.

MutedUser · 05/12/2019 21:54

I’m with your DH . Shopping on Amazon and avoiding the shops at Christmas is a joyful thing. It doesn’t kill the joy.

LEELULUMPKIN · 05/12/2019 21:55

I'm guessing that the OP is across the pond. "Holiday shopping" IS Christmas shopping.

SickNotes · 05/12/2019 21:57

His family, he shops for them as he sees fit, surely?

nicky7654 · 05/12/2019 21:58

Do you actually mean Christmas shopping? Never heard it called holiday shopping before lol. I do all the Christmas shopping and write the cards and do the wrapping. I buy a few pressies each month starting January so it's really quite stress-free. My Husband only needs to worry about me and I'm happy with that. We do the food shopping together though 😁

Original poster
Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 21:58

@Ellie56 I wish I was going on a holiday. Apologies for the confusion.

@MIdgebabe no I don't see it as a treat. I know it is very stressful and trust me it is more so for me as I am a very indecisive person. I don't like to go to shopping but it is something you have to do. For those who's saying I want my DH to enjoy it too, I never said I want him to enjoy it but not bring everyone else down and get all moody and ruin everyone else's holiday spirit. DH can procrastinate Christmas shopping till the very day of it but I like to plan things in advance get them out of the way.

OP posts:
vivacian · 05/12/2019 21:59

I'm guessing that the OP is across the pond. "Holiday shopping" IS Christmas shopping

Wow, you’re a good guesser!

"Holiday shopping" IS Christmas shopping in other countries.

Leaannb · 05/12/2019 22:00

Don't do his shopping for him. If he can't be bothered to do christmas shopping for his family then it doesn't get done

vivacian · 05/12/2019 22:01

DH can procrastinate Christmas shopping till the very day of it but I like to plan things in advance get them out of the way.

You seem to be ignoring the fact that you can do it your way and he can do it his way.

BillHadersNewWife · 05/12/2019 22:01

YABU to try to make your DH shop with you because you think he should! Make him help choose his family gifts online.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 05/12/2019 22:02

Dh would genuinely much rather watch paint dry than go xmas shopping.Weve done everything online this year.I still feel xmassy its just less stressful.

LEELULUMPKIN · 05/12/2019 22:02

In 27 years I have never once bought for my Dh's side of the family. He is a grown man.