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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Holiday shopping dilemma- who is BU?

112 replies

Whenthereslovethereshope · 05/12/2019 20:24

DH and I just had a row over shopping. I get it that it's not a men's thing but it's a holiday shopping FFS! Meaning, shopping for his DM, our DC, his DNephews and DNieces, my side of family's DNephews and DNieces and a few more people. Literally because of this, majority of this year's shopping is done through Amazon. I am just so sick of this. It ruins the mood and joyful feeling towards the holiday.
DH's leaving early today from work and said he needs to work tonight, again!!! He has been working evenings from past 3 days. We did discuss a week prior that 3 evenings out of 4 he can work and 1 evening after work, we will go for shopping. Of course, tonight is the night and he's saying even though he's leaving work early, we still can't make time to go out for shopping.

How do I deal with this? Any other couple going through something similar? Thank you

OP posts:

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/12/2019 09:17

He needs to suck it up and help

Why can't he do his shopping on line? That would still be him doing his share.

Why does it have to be ops way?

mrssunshinexxx · 06/12/2019 09:24

My dh has never been to the shops for Xmas presents only does it online he hates shopping I would never force him or nag about something like that

Wexone · 06/12/2019 09:30

Am sorry i am with your husband on this. I love shoppng but my god is Xams shopping awful. Everything can be bought on line now. The only reason i would go to a shopping centre or town before xmas is to see the xmas lights. I will not be going to buy specific xmas presents etc. Cant be dealing with the stress of fonding a parking space, the crowds, the q's at the tills etc. Himself will be coming with me when we do the xmas food shop( we cok every eyar) but we will be at the door when the shop opens, and be done and dusted in one hou. Let your hisband work, do most of your shopping online and when you are both off from work, enjoy your time together relaxing.

Rosebel · 06/12/2019 09:34

I do a mixture of online and in-store shopping but I try not to go shopping with my husband. The majority of our rows happen in shops. I'd rather go shopping with my mum or on my own!

I8toys · 06/12/2019 09:37

I'm with your DH. Hate shopping and especially at this time of year. Its not a pastime or an enjoyable experience. If you can get it online why bother pushing and shoving with hoards.

Original poster

Whenthereslovethereshope · 06/12/2019 14:31

Morning from Canada.. I want to start by saying I am sorry for all the confusion I brought in by calling X'mas shopping a Holiday shopping. Apologies guys! Didn't know many of you weren't aware of the term. Shouldn't just have assumed it.

I have read all the comments, some have really warmed up my heart and some have given me a good shake. I am glad I asked this question here. I am kind a person who wants to constantly work on getting yourself better and this has given me another opportunity to learn and see things from a bit different perspective. Good learning. Some great advises here. Some cheeky comments. But it's all good.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whenthereslovethereshope · 06/12/2019 14:36

We of course didn't go for shopping last night. He worked and I didn't argue. DH came to pick me up and as soon as I get in the car (it has become a ritual that we do) we kissed and then just went on with our lives. Talked about each other's day and what we want for dinner and it was all good. I guess this will come up again over the weekend when we pick up the kids tonight as we need to take them for shopping. They like to buy gifts on their own for their Grandma, Grandpa, for both of us, and their mom. So lets see how it goes down over the weekend.

OP posts:

Justasconfusedwithnumber2 · 06/12/2019 14:47

Seems all abit OTT to me. If you like to do it then fair enough but you should respect OH opinion too. Personally I do it all online. It's quicker, I can wear pj's, eat food, watch movies etc at the same time. Queueing in shops and being barged out the way for the leftover half price gifts doesn't appeal. But maybe its better in Canada.

Original poster

Whenthereslovethereshope · 06/12/2019 14:56

Yes it is better in Canada @Justasconfusedwithnumber2

OP posts:

ShadowOnTheSun · 06/12/2019 15:12

Hm. Why don't you just divide chores with your husband? When I lived with my ex partner, there was stuff I couldn't stand doing and there were things he hated. I mean, both of us were perfectly capable doing those 'awful' things, but preferred not to.

He was a 'shopper'. I hate shops. So he did the shopping, sometimes even used to go with..my mother (both could joyfully traipse around shops all day without stop, nothing better for them). I was the 'planner' and the 'wrapper'.

I hate hoovering and mopping floors - he did it. He had a weird hatred for cleaning bathrooms - I did it, as it doesn't bother me. That sort of thing.

So you could do the shopping as you don't mind it that much, and he can do the grocery shopping and cooking (would be bliss for me..) as he likes it and is good at it. Not everything needs to be done together all the time, imo.

vivacian · 06/12/2019 21:31

Well done for reconciling OP and thanks for updating.

BackforGood · 06/12/2019 21:35

What ShadowontheSun said.

Splitting chores 'fairly' isn't the same as both of you doing half of each job each, and it certainly isn't about "doing stuff together that one person could do on their own just as easily".

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