To think co-sleeping really isn't a good idea

[Sweetpeach3]

So baby number 3 is due in 2 weeks. The rules have changed every single pregnancy iv had and tbh I can never keep up to date to know right and wrong by the health professionals. One min it's okay next it's not....
but health visitor came to see me last week (new procedure is they come out before the baby is born to make sure your okay and if you have any worries) iv had the same lady for all 3 DC and tbh I did find this a help as I'm going to breast feed this time (if I can ) plus I'm now a single mum to 3 and one is disabled so her advice was well needed I don't actually feel alone as much as I first did
Dad doesn't want to know baby number 3 just the other 2 (he's a twat I know) 🤣
BUT

the newest one was your now ALLOWED to co-sleep with your baby aslong as you don't have the covers on you and the baby is lay flat???
The thought of this terrified me I personally wouldn't do this it scares the life out of me and Iv just seen an article saying newborn twins died as their mum fell asleep with them co-sleeping
AIBU to think this rule change is wrong and scary on so many levels ?

I put my baby in a co-sleeper (next2me crib) but was always terrified of bed sharing as bad things do happen. There are ways to make it safer / guidelines but I still wouldn’t.

One of the guidelines being “DONT co-sleep if excessively tired”... what new parent isn’t excessively tired ?!

Co-sleeping is great if you do it safely. I'm glad they've stopped the blanket ban because so many women do it secretly and shamefully. And there is no shame if you do it safely. It is the norm in many other countries.

YABU. Don't do it if you don't feel it's right for you, but many many families all over the world practise safe co-sleeping. I'm glad to hear HVs are offering some useful advice now rather than just a blanket "don't do it".

I think it's better that people are honest with HV about co sleeping so safety advice can be given, when it was an outright no, it still happened people just didn't tell HV etc. I always swore I wouldn't we had a next to me so it was fine, DS is one now and in his own room but he's been poorly the last couple of weeks and has come into bed with us a couple of times in the middle of the night. I know the risks but he's older, mobile and we have a super king size so he can have plenty of space with no duvet etc.

I bed shared with DS from day 1. And I'm sure I wasn't excessively tired because we did. Night feeds were so little effort that neither of us barely woke. No pillows, no quilt, it worked well for us

YABU. It’s perfectly safe and natural to sleep with your baby, just follow the guidelines. It’s the cultural norm for many countries.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/ I didnt do it. Too scared of squashing them in my sleep

BTW it's never been "banned"! Just not recommended. I was always very clear with my HV that we co-slept from birth.

I co sleep solely so I can sleep. Regression and teething etc have rolled into months of waking hysterically during night etc

Was finding it hard to focus at work and it works for us all. Maybe positive that women talk about it and aren't shamed/scolded for doing it. Means safer guidelines (apart from dont do it) can help women who choose too.

Bed sharing was amazing for us. Read the guidelines so you know what is safe incase you end up doing it, but go with whatever works for you

I didn’t think I would do it but eventually I had to sleep and the only way that happened was if my baby slept next to me

I personally didn't get on at all with cosleeping (loved the next to me cot but hated having him in the actual bed) but I think it's great that they're giving good guidelines for the many, many women who do find it the most practical option. Just telling people not to is much more dangerous because it can lead to much riskier things like parents falling asleep holding a baby on a sofa.

My baby WOULD NOT sleep if she wasn't right beside me, usually touching me. I tried everything to get her to sleep in the Next To Me. I ended up falling asleep holding her and almost dropping her through utter exhaustion. Safe(r)co sleeping was the less risky option.

I don't know how old your children are @pigsknickers but when mine were babies, the HV line was 'don't do it - ever'

So ferreting out information on how to safely co-sleep was quite tricky

Many parents cosleep unintentionally because they are so exhausted (falling asleep in bed or worse on a sofa or armchair when trying to stay awake). I think it is preferable to plan to cosleep (following the safe cosleeping guidelines) than accidentally fall asleep.

They provide them as people were finding it was the only thing that worked for them, so it's better to have advice to follow than none. Don't do it if you're not comfortable with the idea though, I wasn't so I didn't, but then again I guess I was fortunate enough that DS slept quite happily in his own cot.

I coslept (kicked DH out temporarily!) with all of mine and it worked really well. Each to their own though and it’s clearly not for everyone. It wasn’t ‘allowed’ when mine were little so never mentioned it to hv!

@RoseHippy1 what's the blanket ban?
Il be honest my kids have the cellular blankets and from day one they've never slept without them. My DS went through a stage he would only sleep if that was over his face. I hated it and ended up with the breathing mats
I'm not judging anyone or anything as my DS or DD will often creep into my bed and I will just go back to sleep having cuddles with them BUT they are 2-3 so a lot older and they seriously kick me out of the bed now their not teeny tiney to worry about.
I just wanted opinions as I find it quite scary and it's always changing with the rules, the next2me cribs look great and yea I guess their the best thing as to co sleeping as the baby isn't actually in your bed but their still next to you in a safe place...

What parent isn't excessively tired ?? New parents and parents in general. Someone has a bug, wants the toilet in the night, needs a drink, has a bad dream the lost is endless and parents will be forever tired.
even now my mum doesn't sleep as she still worries about me and my brothers lol x

YABU. Particularly if you're exclusively breastfeeding then sleeping with baby is safe, natural and can be good for everyone's sleep.

Formula feeding, smoking, using drugs etc all increase the risk of SIDS. Sharing a flat sleeping surface and with pillows and duvets away from baby does not.

You are unreasonable. The statistics show that done properly the risks of co sleeping are negligible when you consider all the other risky things parents do eg put children in heir own room too young, wean them too early etc. Don't do it if you don't want to by all means. But it's the biological norm and if done correctly perfectly safe. All those awful news stories you read if you actually look into the details there has been some glaring oversight in terms of safe sleep advice e.g. baby between adults, excessive or inappropriate bedding or clothing, adults under the influence/smokers, baby ill or somesuch. Deaths through safe bedsharing are vanishingly rare.

And as to the question about what parents aren't excessively tired... The ones that co-sleep frankly!

YABU I have bed shared with both my DC and still do currently with the youngest. It makes things so much easier if you are breastfeeding.
Also co-sleeping actually means sleeping in the same room.

Cosleeping wasn’t banned! It might not have been advised but they can hardly ban it!

YABU I feel much happier knowing people are getting advice on how to cosleep the safest way because many people do it at some point in parenthood. I didn’t with ds1 but coslept with ds2 for 3 years and ds3 was in a cosleeper crib then his cot next to us until gone 1.

First was 6 years ago. I told HV we were planning to co-sleep and she said something like, "I'm supposed to recommend you don't, but..." Then we had a chat about how we'd do it safely. I might have been lucky that I had a great HV and the midwives who visited us were very supportive too. But it was still always a personal choice, it's not something parents could be sanctioned for.