To think co-sleeping really isn't a good idea

[Sweetpeach3]

So baby number 3 is due in 2 weeks. The rules have changed every single pregnancy iv had and tbh I can never keep up to date to know right and wrong by the health professionals. One min it's okay next it's not....
but health visitor came to see me last week (new procedure is they come out before the baby is born to make sure your okay and if you have any worries) iv had the same lady for all 3 DC and tbh I did find this a help as I'm going to breast feed this time (if I can ) plus I'm now a single mum to 3 and one is disabled so her advice was well needed I don't actually feel alone as much as I first did
Dad doesn't want to know baby number 3 just the other 2 (he's a twat I know) 🤣
BUT

the newest one was your now ALLOWED to co-sleep with your baby aslong as you don't have the covers on you and the baby is lay flat???
The thought of this terrified me I personally wouldn't do this it scares the life out of me and Iv just seen an article saying newborn twins died as their mum fell asleep with them co-sleeping
AIBU to think this rule change is wrong and scary on so many levels ?

OP, you definitely shouldn’t do it if you feel that way. I did co-sleep with DD2. I did it properly, had just me and baby in the double bed, following the safe sleep guidance. It was safer than the night feeds with DD1, where I was practically a zombie trying to sit up to feed her through the night. If pregnant again I would co-sleep all the way.

Mine both started the night off in their cots, but were brought into our bed as soon as they woke (usually about midnight). I breastfed them lying down and slept through it.

I think this is what saved my sanity - plus I loved it.

I do feel a lot of pressure with HV and midwifes though like their always judging everything you do incase it's right or wrong. Don't know what to do for the best in their eyes but I guess deep down as a parent you know what's best for you and baby. Iv managed 2 so far and their happy little cheeky buggars so iv done something right lol x

I coslept with DD for the first couple of months, it was that or not sleep at all. Sometimes when DS wakes up at 4 I cosleep with him otherwise he'd probably want to get up. It's lovely going to sleep cuddling my baby. You're missing out if you never do it.

It was ALLOWED when my 9 year old was born - I think the point is you don't get excessively tired because everyone gets some sleep.

Co-slept with mine, officially until she was five, and unofficially till she went to university. It was cosy and we could talk a lot. Dgd is in with her parents, still, at eight, though she has had her own room and bed for a few years. Her choice when she sleeps alone. Yes, when they are tiny you have to take precautions to make sure they are safe but it's not that arduous. And you all get more sleep. But it is your choice. You don't have to co-sleep. Good luck with the breastfeeding.

I'm not against it I just find it beyond scary

I'm not saying I won't do it this time either

I just didn't with my first two when they was small as I didn't feel safe doing so personally . I may feel different this time as I'm trying to breast feed and I'm extra nervous about this and with 2 young kids on my own this may be my easiest option to get an hours sleep!

Iv never smoked or took drugs and I havnt drank alcohol since my 18th birthday party 8 years ago so that isn't a concern.

You have to make your own decisions about these things. It’s your baby, you are the one trying to get it to sleep and manage everything else.

I had no intention of co sleeping but DD wouldn't sleep unless laying on me. I was so anxious about it but I was desperate and exhausted. Two years on and I'm still struggling to keep her out of my bed

Thank god the UK has finally caught up with much more sensible thinking on this topic!

If done correctly, following the sleep safe seven or whatever they are called (breastfeeding, not being overweight, no alcohol or smoking etc etc) it’s as safe as them sleeping in a Moses basket.

It’s completely natural to sleep with your baby and has been one of the biggest joys of parenting for me. And much, MUCH better for my own sleep.

The exhaustion thing is “if you are too tired to leave the house”. That’s the level given by the guidelines.

I never co slept. DS was fine in a crib next to me (not the one with the sides down). I always worried he would fall off the edge or if he was in the middle then me or DH would squish him. Another reason I didn't was because if something happened to him I would blame myself for co sleeping (although I probably would have found another way to blame myself) as there is a history of SIDS in my family I wanted to eliminate as many possible causes as I could.

There are so many guidelines about do's and dont's with co sleeping I couldn't get my head around them.

I think the advice has changed because in the past they just said don’t co sleep and then people still did anyway and did it in safely so now they give the advice about how to co sleep safely.
I’m due my second DC early next year and I’m not intending to co sleep; I managed to avoid it with DD until she was past a year but equally I can’t say 100% that I won’t end up doing it (in a separate bed to DH with no covers over baby and following any other advice)

YABU. It’s completely natural and safe if done correctly and is very popular in many countries.

The reason they have changed the "rules" is that people do it anyway.

If people think it's "forbidden" by health professionals, they will not have conversations about co-sleeping with health professionals, they will lie and say they do not do it. Therefore missing the opportunity to have a potentially crucial discussion about the safety aspects.

I can attest to this because I co-slept with my first baby, I got the very strong sense that I was not allowed to mention it and so I did not. Luckily I was clued up and had researched the guidelines on my own, but many people don't. This is risky because unsafe co-sleeping is a very high risk factor for SIDS and suffocation deaths.

If you personally don't feel comfortable with co-sleeping, don't do it :)

My youngest is 6mo.
Co slept with #1 from about 4 weeks and #2 from about 2 weeks. Never woke up even partly on them....tend to wake up in exactly the shape I fell asleep in.
It makes breastfeeding so easy...if they wake up they can feed back to sleep in minutes.
Mares don't lie on their foals.
Cows don't lie on their calves.
Ewes lie on their lambs rarely and generally only if there are 3 or 4 (uncommon in nature) and the ewe is lame.
Every baby mammal that I know of sleeps cuddled up to its mummy.

THE SAFE SLEEP SEVEN

If you are:

1. A nonsmoker
2. Sober and unimpaired
3. A breastfeeding mother and your baby is:
4. Healthy and full-term
5. On his back
6. Lightly dressed

and you both are:

1. On a safe surface

Then your baby in bed with you is at no greater risk for SIDS than if he’s nearby in a crib

• source is la Leche league

www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/

Safe co-sleeping is so much better than people falling asleep propped up on pillows or on sofas and chairs. I think Lullaby Trust had stats that 50% of people ended up sharing their bed with a baby. Not all of those will be planned, so it's crucial people know how to do it safely instead of being adamant they won't do it and then falling asleep with their baby in their arms while feeding them.

every baby mammal that I know of sleeps cuddled up to its mummy

Quite! The idea of leaving a baby in another room from day one as was practiced until quite recently is baffling

I co-slept successfully with both of mine. For dd1 that was before the nhs guidance changed, but I was able to access and read the research the recommendations were based on and so see that there were big problems with this, and that the risks are much lower for non-smoking, breastfeeding mums for do safe co-sleeping.

It was a good idea for our family as my dc did not sleep any other way and I think I would have had a breakdown otherwise. Or resorted to sleep training, which I did not want to do due to the growing body of research about this being problematic.

@RoseHippy1what's the blanket ban?
Il be honest my kids have the cellular blankets and from day one they've never slept without them. My DS went through a stage he would only sleep if that was over his face. I hated it and ended up with the breathing mats
I'm not judging anyone or anything as my DS or DD will often creep into my bed and I will just go back to sleep having cuddles with them BUT they are 2-3 so a lot older and they seriously kick me out of the bed now their not teeny tiney to worry about.
I just wanted opinions as I find it quite scary and it's always changing with the rules, the next2me cribs look great and yea I guess their the best thing as to co sleeping as the baby isn't actually in your bed but their still next to you in a safe place...

A blanket ban is banning something completely with no exceptions, not anything to do with blankets, but easy to see how it can be misconstrued in a thread about beds and sleeping.

I've genuinely never read about a co-sleeping death that didn't involve an element that was against safe co-sleeping guidelines. All of them have involved babies becoming wedged into gaps between headboards/mattresses/walls etc, babies becoming entangled in bedclothes, parents who fell asleep accidentally on sofas or armchairs with their newborns, parents who were smokers or had been drinking or taking recreational drugs etc. There was one very sad case of a mother wearing a morphine patch which fell off her and became attached to the baby.
There is evidence to suggest that when done properly, co-sleeping is the safest way for your child to sleep. Countries where co-sleeping is the cultural norm have some of the lowest rates of SIDS in the world.

@crispysausagerolls ah I didn't BF which it why I probably didn't get the co sleeping thing.

I was giving safe co-sleeping advice when my DC1 was born 12 years ago 🤣. Both my DC ended up in with me for the first 3 months or so. Firm mattress, in gro bags, no pillows etc. I was rested but sort of constantly aware they were next to me in bed. It felt safe and natural. It wasn’t something I wanted to do long term (wanted DH back in bed) but it saved my sanity in the early days. I have lovely memories of it.

Also I always do my own research rather than accepting the current ‘rules’.

There you go then @pigsknickers - my eldest is 14. I'm glad they have softened their stance (and yes, I absolutely agree that women do it anyway if it's the only way to get any sleep).

Safe and informed co-sleeping doesn't kill babies. Uniformed and unintentional co-sleeping does.