To think co-sleeping really isn't a good idea

[Sweetpeach3]

So baby number 3 is due in 2 weeks. The rules have changed every single pregnancy iv had and tbh I can never keep up to date to know right and wrong by the health professionals. One min it's okay next it's not....
but health visitor came to see me last week (new procedure is they come out before the baby is born to make sure your okay and if you have any worries) iv had the same lady for all 3 DC and tbh I did find this a help as I'm going to breast feed this time (if I can ) plus I'm now a single mum to 3 and one is disabled so her advice was well needed I don't actually feel alone as much as I first did
Dad doesn't want to know baby number 3 just the other 2 (he's a twat I know) 🤣
BUT

the newest one was your now ALLOWED to co-sleep with your baby aslong as you don't have the covers on you and the baby is lay flat???
The thought of this terrified me I personally wouldn't do this it scares the life out of me and Iv just seen an article saying newborn twins died as their mum fell asleep with them co-sleeping
AIBU to think this rule change is wrong and scary on so many levels ?

To be fair if you do co sleeping properly it's actually safer than them sleeping alone so make sure you do it properly and they're at lower risk of cot death than they would be just putting them alone in a crib. Look up the guidelines. It's been a while since I had a baby but they were starting to recommend it to mums who were breastfeeding back then

I think the bedside cribs have been a game changer really. I know so many people that have bought them and I felt much happier being close but with the baby having their own separate area. I wouldn’t have ever been comfortable co-sleeping with my husband in our bed as he is a very deep sleeper.

Apparently the memory foam thing was them being overcautious when memory foam was new. Now memory foam is commonplace there haven't been any extra dangers associated with it so they don't worry about it any more.

If it causes a large dip that could make the baby roll towards you, it's a problem, if not, don't worry.

Yes, I think it's great you can now get bedside cribs as a normal option. When I had my first in 2008 I had to convert a cot and make my own. That was a bit better than the ones you can buy because it was bigger but the proper ones have definitely made safe co sleeping more accessible I think.

It's fine if you do it safely. My DD has done with her children, its the only way she could get any sleep and it's been fine. Shes followed all the guidelines and it's no more dangerous than the baby sleeping alone.

Just to stop counteract some of the mis information on here, co sleeping is not safer than being in a bed of their own. Research has proven it time and time again. Even if you follow all the guidelines there is still an increased risk and SIDs has increased in the last few years because of co sleeping. However, if you still choose to co sleep then the risks can be lessened although not eliminated.
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
Some things to bear in mind is that you cannot drink ANY alcohol, even a glass of wine from either you or your partner can cause you to be less responsive. No smoking from either partner and absolutely no blankets. You must stay on your side facing your baby.

I coslept with DC1 maybe just once or twice because I was terrified. However DC2 was a CS & as I also wanted to bf it kind of happened naturally. No smoking, drinking, no dh & blankets although I would often be freezing!

I thought there had been research that showed sleeping next to Mum meant that the baby could better regulate their own breathing in cases of apnea?

I tried a next to me crib and baby hated it, I persevered but she still would not sleep and get so upset, so I started co sleeping and she’s slept through the night from 10weeks old! She’s five months now and still in our bed, dreading moving her to her own room!

My brother died because of co sleeping.

Jenpop234

Did you read the link I posted from La Leche League? Contradicts what you are saying about how safe it is vs sleeping alone. Aka that it is as safe when done properly.

I would say to any parent - research safe co sleeping guidelines before the baby comes because you MIGHT just need them. I needed them before the night I fell asleep with DS in my arms on a metal framed single bed half propped against a wall. All was fine, but it's terrifying now I look at it. I researched safe co sleeping the next day and we have happily co slept ever since (that was 3 years ago)

Co-slept with all of mine. Firm mattress, bed guard and either 4.5 tog quilt or baby under own blanket. Wouldn't have got any sleep otherwise. Was always cautious but it was wonderful.

Here is a decent source of evidence and guidance about safe infant sleep and co-sleeping; do take a look. It's the Baby Sleep Information Source at Durham University.
www.basisonline.org.uk/

I'm sure that was advice 13 years ago when I had dd. Only SIDS change in advice I am aware if is about using dummies

I’ve coslept with all of mine and would do with any others I have. I’m also a single mum and it was the only way I would ever get any sleep plus bf. I’ve always felt fine doing it and mine 4 have been fine. I’m surprised it’s now fine by hv to do it though as I did have one tell me not to do it at all and that I MUST get a Moses basket

I never really got to the point where I was excessively tired with co-sleeping as it was easy to feed and drop off. Co-sleeping is how babies and families have slept for millennia. This idea thy a newborn baby should suddenly be independent is very modern. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t do it, but at least mums can have honest conversations with health professionals now. And get advice about the safest ways to co-sleep.

YANBU.
It does seem like the advice changes all the time. My health visitor advised against co sleeping because I'm likely to be very tired when baby turns up.
I think it really depends if you would feel safe doing it. Personally I wouldn't because there's not enough space in my bed and I'm a very heavy sleeper (my mum keeps saying that will change when baby comes but I dont know).
I got a next to bed cot so I can keep him close without worrying about rolling over onto him or something like that.

Just so many views and different things online you genuinely can't do right for wrong these days.
Like everyone is saying it's up to the parent and they know what's best themselves.
Luckily enough I have a new king size bed and all to myself most nights unless I have a wonderer looking for snuggles and a bloody back tickle!!!
But I do belive the saying "you know your child and what's best"

I learnt this the hard way and never again will I be turned away when I know what's best and right for my child. I think this is why iv became so blunt with HV etc as they can only go off guidelines and advice their told to give us. Not of the individual baby or mum. We will always know best when it comes to our baby's x

I'm Australian and in the local paper there is a headline about baby twins who died while co-sleeping with their mother about a week ago. It seems they got accidentally smothered by blankets. Horrible tragedy.

I have co-slept with my first two and plan to with my 3rd baby. Personally I love it. I have an approved co-sleeper nest that prevents them being rolled on and sleep with blankets up to my waist with a jumper on to keep my upper body warm. Babies had their own sleep ring bag and weren't covered by my blankets. Breastfeeding and resettling at night was a breeze, I didn't have to get up out of bed, and I do believe that they were comforted by the close proximity. Often because I was so near them, I was able to feed and resettle before they even fully woke up, so they mostly stayed calm and cried very infrequently. It's definitely not for everyone, but it was perfect for me.

When it comes to parenting, I believe the only time someone is unreasonable is when they believe there is a one size fits all approach or when they actively ignore safety. There are plenty of ways to safely bedshare.

www.news.com.au/national/queensland/news/brisbane-newborn-twins-who-died-after-being-found-unconscious-in-bed-names-as-violet-and-indiana/news-story/8275d59ad9c2ea3dfb63285bbed317d8

This happened two weeks ago near where I live.

I co-slept with my youngest son as was easier for me with breastfeeding him etc. 10 years later and we finally have the little monkey out of our bed.....

I'm due to give birth next month. I've bought a crib that attaches to the bed so it's sort of Co sleeping but it's not.

I live in Brisbane and only this week a family in Brisbane co-slept with their twin daughters and unfortunately they both died. I know some people will say it is safe and natural, their baby was OK.... (just like my baby was), but I don't want to take that risk again, especially after the news this week.

Good luck with baby :)

I coslept (bedshared) with my first and i'm doing the same with my second. It's wonderful - I can breast feed her in the bed without either of us waking up fully or for more than a second. We both get a full nights sleep every night - I am definitely not overtired or even tired. Bedsharing is the absolute norm in most other countries including the one where I am currently living. If you tell people here that parents in the UK put babies under 1 or 2 years old in their own bed or in their own bedroom people are utterly horrified - to them this seems cruel and dangerous - so there's no right or wrong. It has been proven that laying bedside their mother allows babies to regulate their breathing, and mothers can feel their baby and know that they are safe and healthy throughout the night. Mothers instinctively feel where their baby is sleeping. From what i have read, accidents seem to happen when parents dont want to cosleep so dont sleep properly and are exhahsted and fall asleep with babies by accident. I'm not saying it's for everyone but it does make life easier and personally I find the idea of not cosleeping with my baby to be horrible. I'd hate to not be able to know she's OK constantly and wouldn't be able to sleep, and she wouldn't sleep either not being near me.

Also countries where co-sleeping is the absolute done thing have a lower SIDs rate than the UK where it is frowned upon.