AIBU to request no male midwife

[Hellofromtheotherside2020]

I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I am due to give birth soon and at the hospital where I'm planning on giving birth, there are a few male midwives employed.

I think it's great that there are male midwives. It really must take a special kind of man to want to do that job and I expect they're very professional and amazing in their roles.

I know many women who've said that having a male midwife was better than a female etc etc as they were more sympathetic.

But for some reason, which I can't explain as I don't know why, I just feel so uncomfortable at the thought of having a male deliver my baby. It's not a sexual thing. I don't think a man will look at my vagina and get turned on or anything like that. I know they see plenty every day. I would feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, exposed and embarrassed if there was a man present (other than DH).

I know people will say "when you're in labour you won't care who's in the room", but I will care. I've given birth three times before and I did care then. I enjoyed my previous births and I was comfortable being surrounded by lovely women caregivers. I felt very feminine and powerful. I didn't care if the female caregiver had given birth herself or not, so it's not even a case of feeling the male midwife wouldn't have empathy or anything like that, which is what my friend suggested.

Am I the only person who feels like this?
How can I articulate my request to the hospital in my birth plan without sounding like a sexist pig? I feel so bad feeling his way as I know they're great at their jobs. I just know for sure I'd be so uncomfortable in my primal self giving birth and likely pooping myself in front of another man.

I'm the same with GPs and even dentists too, I just feel more comfortable under the care of another woman. What's wrong with me? Come to think of it, any make who is in a position of power/authority to me (eg senior colleagues) I always feel so vulnerable and inferior. Why?!!!! Help!

Exactly, Prodigal!

Yeah but no but yeah but no shut up!

Oh! But what about the cheddar in case of emergency?

It’s Wooky Hole.....

Would you stipulate no male surgeon if you needed any intervention?

Oh FFS! Hellofromtheotherside2020, would you like to answer this or would you prefer to ignore the same question that has been repeated question, over and over and over, ad infinitum? goes off to bang head against wall

I don’t think I’d refuse a male midwife but it wouldn’t be my preference. I’d sort of like someone who either has been in the giving birth position or might do in the future.

A friend of mine is a trainee midwife. I specified that I didn’t want her there when I had Dd. If she was on shift I was happy for her to be there after but not before or during. As it was she was there on the day and it really helped me feel more comfortable knowing that there was someone else there I knew apart from dh. I think it helped dh too having a friendly face there.

But no. You’re not unreasonable for wanting a female only team.

Hello! You really do have heaps of patience.

I’m starting to ramble now and that’s before the wine. reaches for bottle of wine and long straw

When I wonder about whether I am being reasonable or not, I replace the 'noun' with black or Muslim and see how it sounds. If it sounds bigoted and generally shit I know I'm being unreasonable.

And I say that as a woman who would prefer to have female midwives. I just recognise that it's not necessarily inoffensive.

When I wonder about whether I am being reasonable or not, I replace the 'noun' with black or Muslim and see how it sounds. If it sounds bigoted and generally shit I know I'm being unreasonable.

Too late, that shit analogy has already been used, which you’d know if you could actually be arsed reading the thread. If the OP didn’t want a black or Muslim person rummaging around in her vagina, it would be because that black or Muslim person has a cock and balls.

I feel like everyone on the "she already said she doesn't want any bloody cheese!" team deserves some wine at this point.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily I think I'll choose to ignore answering the question I've already answered too many times already! 😂

OK, I can't resist..... Male doctors and surgeons should a medical emergency arise (hypothetical as ALL the Drs and senior medical staff are female at this hospital).... i'd prefer female, but if it was a life or death situation, I would put my irrational and sexist feelings aside and accept help from a male ..... Baby's life takes priority over my sexist feelings so I'd not decline male intervention if needed, if baby was in distress Erm.... Just in case it arises again NO, skin colour would not bother me, I wouldn't reject any race of female midwife .... Oh and good for you if you had a male midwife who was amazing. I'm not questioning or assuming male midwives or their professionalism or kindness, I just don't feel comfortable having one. Glad you did

Think I've covered it all there. I've gone on repeat a bit too much on this thread! I'll know I'll go to pick up my food shopping today and instead of telling them I've come to collect my order, I'll probably end up saying something stupid like "I don't feel comfortable giving access to my intimate parts to a male I don't know"!!! 😂

I am good at that too .... Malbec, Chablis? An English fizz?

All this cheese and wine talk.... You're all contributing to the obesity epidemic you know? And promoting alcoholism! Tut tut! (jokes!)

Something red and a bit heavy, since it's cold, please.

Hello maybe you should cut and paste your answer on each page just in case on the next page you get people who can't be arsed reading even just your posts!

I just want cheese now, to be honest.

Best of luck with the cheese, OP. baby, I mean best of luck with the baby!!

Prodigal I have a very nice Australian Cabernet from the Margaret River if you are interested.... it goes nicely with that Wooky Hole Cheddar.

Quelle fromage!

Thank you!

Sorry, Hello, I'm afraid it's "I'm too sober to have this conversation again" o'clock.

I get the distinct impression many posters don't actually understand "*isms." 😏

A bit of critical thinking and recognition of systemic oppression might help.

I'm starting to wonder if being incapable of RTFT should be a protected characteristic.

I don't feel comfortable giving access to my intimate parts to a male I don't know that cheered me up no end.

I’m afraid I’m just drinking Pinot Noir, naturally from France. It’s whispers Fat Bastard, but it’s not bad and it was free, so. 🤷‍♀️ plus 🥴

Your body, your birth, your choice.

You are 100% not in the wrong if you don’t want a male medical staff touching your body.