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AIBU to request no male midwife

999 replies

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 03/12/2019 11:33

I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I am due to give birth soon and at the hospital where I'm planning on giving birth, there are a few male midwives employed.

I think it's great that there are male midwives. It really must take a special kind of man to want to do that job and I expect they're very professional and amazing in their roles.

I know many women who've said that having a male midwife was better than a female etc etc as they were more sympathetic.

But for some reason, which I can't explain as I don't know why, I just feel so uncomfortable at the thought of having a male deliver my baby. It's not a sexual thing. I don't think a man will look at my vagina and get turned on or anything like that. I know they see plenty every day. I would feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, exposed and embarrassed if there was a man present (other than DH).

I know people will say "when you're in labour you won't care who's in the room", but I will care. I've given birth three times before and I did care then. I enjoyed my previous births and I was comfortable being surrounded by lovely women caregivers. I felt very feminine and powerful. I didn't care if the female caregiver had given birth herself or not, so it's not even a case of feeling the male midwife wouldn't have empathy or anything like that, which is what my friend suggested.

Am I the only person who feels like this?
How can I articulate my request to the hospital in my birth plan without sounding like a sexist pig? I feel so bad feeling his way as I know they're great at their jobs. I just know for sure I'd be so uncomfortable in my primal self giving birth and likely pooping myself in front of another man.

I'm the same with GPs and even dentists too, I just feel more comfortable under the care of another woman. What's wrong with me? Come to think of it, any make who is in a position of power/authority to me (eg senior colleagues) I always feel so vulnerable and inferior. Why?!!!! Help!

OP posts:
Thenamedame · 05/12/2019 17:44

Depending on the circumstance you absolutely can. You would be able to at my local maternity unit.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 05/12/2019 17:44

That's a point, don't. Sometimes you really wish MN had a block button.

icannotremember · 05/12/2019 17:44

Women do women, men do men, its when men tey to 'do' women theres a problem, and by this I mean push a male agenda upon a situation that women can manage eminently well without men atall

What? I'm really confused by this. What do you mean?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/12/2019 17:44

What I object to is you doing is orojecting your sexist views here about women supporting women in MW

Well maybe if I'd actually experienced women supporting me during my 2 deliveries I wouldn't feel the way that I do. So perhaps save your ire and direct it to the women that traumatised me during those 2 births for not being women who support women heh?

Thenamedame · 05/12/2019 17:45

Food? I may have to scroll back for that lol

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:45

Now we have full circle! Silly women, they choose to die and their child to die because of their choices! Women, you allowed a man to have sex with you to create a child, therefore your legs are a bridge you must open for all to cross in the name of the Almighty Man.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/12/2019 17:46

There are poor performers everywhere, to discount the whole sex on the basis of the few is sexist, so glaringly sexist.

Err, run that by me again would you?

TruthOnTrial · 05/12/2019 17:47

'forcing' Confused. More emotive language.

Its not beneficial to outcomes, according to very well known research, for men to be present.

Deny deny deny.

A male present in MW is forcing himself into a woman led field, and will always be in situations where women don't want him there and it will negatively impact the outcome.

Because one two or even three women carried out poor procedures in unrelated to their sex, as surprise surprise it happens amongst men too.

You cannot select this out by avoiding women, and its sexist.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:49

Hello, I wish you a lovely birth surrounded by those who respect your choice.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/12/2019 17:50

I still suffer flashbacks due to the treatment that I received when I have to be examined by female hcps, yet according to some on here I should just put up and shut up because to say I choose male hcps is sexist???? So, I mustn't discount female hcps because of what some did to me because that's being sexist. Are you joking?

So everyone should have the right to choose who touches them, apart from me because I'm being sexist?

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 05/12/2019 17:51

There was bread! Apparently it's a bit challenging to merail a conversation about bread and hummus.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:52

Same here! I have flashbacks about lots of stuff. If I me-railed someone's thread with the story of my personal life over the past 8 years it would make for very sad reading.

But you know, I just don't on someone else's fucking thread because it is not about ME and my experiences. I'd start another thread of my own for this.

And in truth, most people don't give a flying fuck.

So there you go. Start your own thread!

Merry Christmas to all!

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 05/12/2019 17:53

Want some stollen? I've started with the Christmas food early this year.

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:54

Still having trouble with hummus supply since that factory problem. FFS. I've tried making my own but it's just not as good as shop bought.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/12/2019 17:54

Because one two or even three women carried out poor procedures in unrelated to their sex, as surprise surprise it happens amongst men too.

You cannot select this out by avoiding women, and its sexist.

It's not fucking sexist, it's triggering for me.

Would you be saying the same to a woman having flashbacks after trauma caused by a man? Just because 1, 2 or 3 men did that it doesn't mean all men are like it. You're just being sexist.

How dare you. I can choose who touches me and not you not anyone else has a right to judge me or to take that choice away. You aren't an advocate for women's rights at a, you just want to bully everyone into doing what you say.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 05/12/2019 17:56

So it's still not safe to eat or there's just no hummus in the shops? Would offer to send some but I don't think it would survive the journey!

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:56

Red pepper hummus to all!

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/12/2019 17:56

This is what women supporting women looks like then is it?

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:57

Now I want some foccacia with hummus. FML!

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:57

One time, at band camp . . .

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:59

'Twas Christmas Eve, babe, in the drunk tank,
And old man said to me, 'Won't see another one!'
And then we sang a song . . .

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 05/12/2019 17:59

I recently had something that called itself a foccacia but was filled with cheese like a calzone, so now I'm confused. Have I been wrong all this time about what foccacia is or was the restaurant? It was tasty, in a "wait have I been using this word wrong" way.


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Thenamedame · 05/12/2019 17:59

@TheProdigalKittensReturn hell yeah pass that stollen!

dontalltalkatonce · 05/12/2019 17:59

'Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But the very next day,
You gave it away!'

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