AIBU to request no male midwife

[Hellofromtheotherside2020]

I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I am due to give birth soon and at the hospital where I'm planning on giving birth, there are a few male midwives employed.

I think it's great that there are male midwives. It really must take a special kind of man to want to do that job and I expect they're very professional and amazing in their roles.

I know many women who've said that having a male midwife was better than a female etc etc as they were more sympathetic.

But for some reason, which I can't explain as I don't know why, I just feel so uncomfortable at the thought of having a male deliver my baby. It's not a sexual thing. I don't think a man will look at my vagina and get turned on or anything like that. I know they see plenty every day. I would feel uncomfortable, vulnerable, exposed and embarrassed if there was a man present (other than DH).

I know people will say "when you're in labour you won't care who's in the room", but I will care. I've given birth three times before and I did care then. I enjoyed my previous births and I was comfortable being surrounded by lovely women caregivers. I felt very feminine and powerful. I didn't care if the female caregiver had given birth herself or not, so it's not even a case of feeling the male midwife wouldn't have empathy or anything like that, which is what my friend suggested.

Am I the only person who feels like this?
How can I articulate my request to the hospital in my birth plan without sounding like a sexist pig? I feel so bad feeling his way as I know they're great at their jobs. I just know for sure I'd be so uncomfortable in my primal self giving birth and likely pooping myself in front of another man.

I'm the same with GPs and even dentists too, I just feel more comfortable under the care of another woman. What's wrong with me? Come to think of it, any make who is in a position of power/authority to me (eg senior colleagues) I always feel so vulnerable and inferior. Why?!!!! Help!

@Schuyler

I didn't read that in the OP's rationale, but thanks for clarifying, love.

Schuyler 😂 there is just no end to my talent! Hopefully when I "grow up" I'll be blessed to fix it again!!

Campista....good, but what exactly is your point. You had a "kind male midwife 41 years ago"....how does that help me? Because my concerns are not about if male midwives are kind of not. I'm sure they're very kind, capable and professional. Doesn't mean I'd like them providing my care. I'm very happy for you that you had a good experience though.

*be able to fix it again!

I had a male doctor do my first smear test 33 years ago, he sexually abused me.

See, we can all talk about our experiences, but that has nothing to do with the rights of women to have same sex healthcare.

I’ve not read the whole thread (it’s now quite long) so if this has been said already sorry. But what if you need some kind of intervention (forceps etc) and the only doctor available is male?

understand people don’t want to read a super long thread but perhaps read the OP’s thread. She’s been very patient and answered openly and honestly and considered what might happen if she had no choice. @Chattercino and others.

FFS, why the hell are you even bothering to ask the question, if you can’t be arsed reading the thread, *? At least have the gumption to read OP’s posts if you can’t be bothered doing anything other than asking the same fecking question that has been answered a dozen times before?

That was to Choufleur

🤦‍♀️

I have PTSD from CSA so yeah, I definitely would NOT want a male midwife. I think you have a right to want a female midwife, in the same way you might want to speak to a female GP.

First smear I had the doctor hurt me, and scolded me that "this doesn't hurt" and I was all, how the fuck would you know, mate?

Choufleur ALL the doctors at this hospital are female. Yep, 100% of them! So I'd not given it much thought. I'd prefer female over male but as previously stated, above my own feelings, my baby's life is my first priority. So of course if it was an emergency situation then of course I'd have male, female, robots or human intervention. But for the actual labour process where I like to be "in the zone", I know I'd be relaxed and comfortable under a female's care, irregardless if that particular woman was old, young, experienced, Bi, straight, yellow hair, brunette, a mother herself or a newly qualified midwife.
My previous births were amazing. I got through with zero intervention or any pain relief at all because I was comfortable enough to be able to zone out into my own little world. I wouldn't be able to do this with a male present, even if he was the kindest man in the world, gay, giving me diamonds with every push.... I just would feel more comfortable under a female HCP.

Can't believe so many of you have had horrible experiences with smear tests :( I'm so sorry to read that.

I applaud your patience, Hello. I really do!

Before I had the most amazing male midwife deliver my youngest child I probably would have thought the same. Anyone refusing him would have been seriously missing out. He was just brilliant. The best midwife I’ve ever had.

This thread has been very useful in clarifying my thoughts - I'm going to request female midwives for my upcoming birth.

Regarding the points system to determine whether I'm allowed to do this or not, can any of the previous posters advise how many sexual assaults I need to have experienced? Also, is it 3 gropings = 1 rape? I can never remember. Double points if it happened in a healthcare setting? Maybe I should make a spreadsheet, this is getting complicated.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily I read the first page or so but it’s now 23 pages long. You know you don’t get to dictate what other people say don’t you

I'm not "missing out" if I don't feel comfortable though. Neither would any woman be missing out if they were not comfortable either.

It's like someone is saying "I'm allergic to cheese, gives me explosive runs" and people are coming back with "oh but I had a lovely Stilton once".

I particularly like Brie!!!

Would you stipulate no male surgeon if you needed any intervention?

Love the cheese analogy!

Choufleur Alright then, don’t bother reading, but don’t be surprised when people think you’re just taking up space asking the same question again. 🤷‍♀️

But then I would totally respect that people have their right to choose such a ripe and smelly cheese or not.....

For whatever reason but particularly as it was a protected decision.

nespressowoo I think I've answered that question about 20 times now, once on this page. X