Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you know when your family is complete?

54 replies

cultkid · 03/12/2019 09:59

I had my second baby 5 months ago. My children are my world.
The first pregnancy I had was basically a life threatening one.. sepsis etc
Anyway the second one was amazing
When I met my husband I always said I wanted three children
Did you know when your family was complete or did you just sort of settle down

Thanks

OP posts:
Boom45 · 03/12/2019 10:03

I've got 2 and my 2nd sounds the same as your first - blood loss, emcs, sepsis etc.
I also wanted 3, I sort of still do. But a third would be very hard on me mentally (my 2nd delivery left me with ptsd) and we'd need a bigger house and car etc. My family is compete and I'm very happy but its complete for a variety of reasons, not simply because I don't feel the need for more children.

wifeslife · 03/12/2019 10:06

I have space in the house as we have 4 bedrooms although one of them is an office
I do need a bigger car as ours has five seats
We lease cars so if I leased a people carrier next time It would be possible
I found my second baby so healing 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 I am in love with my family

Ijumpedtheshark · 03/12/2019 10:07

I had one and even before he was born I knew he was enough for me and that’s only become a more certain a feeling as time has gone on. I love babies and would love to go back to the beginning again with DS but no interest in having a different baby.

Dandelion1993 · 03/12/2019 10:16

Dd2 is now 9 months old.

Two is enough and I knew straight away we were done.

elQuintoConyo · 03/12/2019 10:17

One was enough for us. Never wanted a second, our child has never wanted a sibling. And we don't have arguing siblings Grin

Myfanwyprice · 03/12/2019 10:24

I knew the moment I had dd, that I was done, she was our second child and I remember just feeling completely content.

I did have a wobble this year, and was so broody, I said to dh about it and he said but we don’t like the two we’ve got 😬 (joking obviously!)

I think this years wobble was more about me ageing and my declining fertility and the horrors of living with a teen and a pre-teen, I was suddenly desperate for the baby days, but like a pp said, it’s not that I want another baby, just would love to experience those days again with the dc I’ve got.

LongLiveThePenis · 03/12/2019 10:27

My DD is 9m and I'd love a third but the thought of caring for a newborn again makes me feel like crying.
I might feel different later but I hope not because I think my husband is done.

wifeslife · 03/12/2019 10:28

I've got a really really strong feeling that this baby is my middle baby
I am adamant I want one more baby so that the boys have each other as they get older
It's more about when they are older then the baby it
I hope we decide to have another child my heart will hurt without it

thecatsthecats · 03/12/2019 10:32

When I was a teen, it was all 'tralala, I will have four children, they will be called (insert vogue of the moment) names'.

Now I'm 30, no kids yet, and I just know I don't want to be pregnant more than once. Twins run strongly in the family, and I know I don't want three more than I could possibly ever want two. So I'll get what I get from one pregnancy.

My husband and I are not the sort of people who will hanker back to baby days, and we'll be too keen to have our life moving 'forwards', whereas having another baby would feel like we were setting back the clock on having a great time with the kid/s we do have.

Interestingly we're both from massive age gap familes. My brother is 14 years older, and he's 12 years older than his brother. Although we both had nice childhoods, that sort of set up is the opposite of what we want.

Minai · 03/12/2019 10:40

When I was pregnant with my second I knew he would be my last baby.

First birth was horrendous and left me with ptsd so it was a big thing to put myself through another birth but I did it as I was sure I wasn’t done with one child and I wanted ds1 to have a sibling. Thankfully had a very straightforward birth with ds2 and feel very happy that I’ll never have to give birth again.

I get the odd pang that I’ll never have a tiny squishy newborn again but I remind myself that I don’t actually particularly enjoy the newborn stage, I’m happy as they get older and it gets a little easier all the time so no going back to square 1. Also, when I miss the squishy baby phase it’s more me actually wanting to go back and hold my little babies rather than actually wanting a new one iyswim.

louise5754 · 03/12/2019 10:46

I don't feel complete. I always wanted 3. Mine are 7 and 9 and I wish I could shake this feeling. I feel I've left it too late now but it wasn't been the right time mentally or financially x

Celebelly · 03/12/2019 10:56

One and done for us! Even pre-DD I always envisaged us as a family of three. Plus a DDog or two Grin Now she's here, it's just cemented that. Just us three!

ChilliMum · 03/12/2019 10:56

I wanted more but pregnancy and birth are not my thing and dh said he couldn't face it again (we have 2) which is absolutely fair enough, I was extremely ill during and after my pregnancy both times (although fortunately nothing life threatening).

It did take a while to make my peace with it but a few years ago I was in the supermarket picking up a few things before my yoga class, kids home with dh and there was a mum in front of me with 2 little ones. They were tired and fractious and the poor mum looked at her limit and for the first time rather than broody I felt so happy that that part of my life was over.

I think for me while mine were little and I was in that stage I really wanted another but once I got my life back, the headspace, freedom to do my own thing, kids fairly independant I was really glad we stayed at 2. We have a perfect little family, we have so much fun together and do lots. If we had had a third we would still be waiting for the youngest to catch up un terms of capability (riding a bike, skiing etc... ) and we probably couldn't afford to do as much as a family of 5.

ThePolishWombat · 03/12/2019 11:04

I’ve recently had DC3 and know I’m definitely done.
We’ve had to get a bigger car, move bedrooms around etc. If we had another we’d have to move house and change the car again.
While I’m sad that all my DC3’s little milestones are the last time I’ll get to enjoy a baby, I’m also 100% sure that we can’t sensibly have any more Sad

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/12/2019 11:32

Having had OK/good sleepers, something in my brain said "don't push your luck".

FudgeBrownie2019 · 03/12/2019 11:35

I think I'd have willingly had another if I could, but not long after DS2 I was told no more.

I'm sure we'd probably have tried for a third if we'd been able to but two is plenty and I don't have any regrets or pangs (except for when I hold brand-new newborns, that smell off the top of their head makes my womb glow even now!) So yes, I think you do know when your family is complete. It might not look the way you imagined it would, but it's still perfect.

53rdWay · 03/12/2019 11:39

I'm about 95% settled on 'no more'. But that last 5% does pipe up from time to time. I think 95% is as good as I'll get, though and even if I had 10 children there'd still be that 5% going "maybe just one more?"

Kanga83 · 03/12/2019 11:42

I always thought I wanted three. I had one and would have been done as the experience was horrendous, however at around 18 months old I really thought she needed a sibling. I'm a definitely done now. I love them to bits and they are my world but they drive me crackers.

GlitteryFluff · 03/12/2019 11:43

This is really interesting.
We have two, and I thought I'd would feel done as two was what we wanted but I don't feel done at all. I really feel like one more is what's meant to be. But then worry I'd have another and not feel done again etc. Being sensible we shouldn't have anymore, I've had two c-sections, we don't have enough bedrooms, don't own our home, etc but how do you get past it?

Tylee · 03/12/2019 11:54

I only ever wanted two. In fact, I wasn't entirely sure I wanted DC2, though of course I was happy when he got here. I am so done. I am loving getting all my freedom back as DC2 gets older.

ostritch · 03/12/2019 11:56

I know I'm done. I have two. Even after a very traumatic time with number 1 I knew I wanted a second and was broody again by the time she was one year old. My second was born when my eldest was 2.5 and I knew as soon as she was born that my family was complete. I'd have quite liked to have a little boy, (I have two girls) but no way would I have another. I'm so lucky to have the children I have. DH feels the same even though I know he feels a bit wistful at the thought of never having a son.

Baby is 15 months now and the thought of having to go through pregnancy, birth or the newborn/small baby stage again makes me want to cry even though she was easy in every way. No thank you!

Pippapotomus · 03/12/2019 12:00

I'm 100% certain that my family is complete. A few years ago number 4 may have been a possibility, but as I left the hospital after being my sisters birth partner I knew absolutely not. I even googled vasectomys on the way home. The thought of doing the whole baby, preschool and nursery thing feels me with dread. I'm quite happy life is evolving into the next chapter.

wifeslife · 03/12/2019 12:02

So it seems to be you sort of feel done when you're done

I can't be done then
I have had two sections as well but I would happily have another

Hyperemesis too but I still want to do it
My husband isn't convinced

Kanga83 · 03/12/2019 12:07

@wifeslife that's similar to me- two sections, one very much and emergency and one an elective and severe hyperemisis. When I think of how much of the pregnancy I was being sick/sleeping/on a drip I just know for my children I can't do it a third time. Everyone is different though, I do think you know when you just cannot do it again.

ParkheadParadise · 03/12/2019 12:08

I knew after my first I was done.
I had Dd really young.
When I met DH I made it clear from the beginning I didn't want anymore kids.

10yrs later a surprise Dd2 came along.
Dd1 was 23!
We wouldn't be without her, but she was definitely a surprise.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.