To think you know when your family is complete?

[cultkid]

I had my second baby 5 months ago. My children are my world.
The first pregnancy I had was basically a life threatening one.. sepsis etc
Anyway the second one was amazing
When I met my husband I always said I wanted three children
Did you know when your family was complete or did you just sort of settle down

Thanks

I'm currently pregnant and know once my daughter is here our family will be complete as a 3 plus a cat.

I worked hard mentally to be happy with 2 - dh only wanted two and though I wanted 3 I'd accepted it wouldn't happen. I used to dream a lot about dd2 (had dd1 and ds) but didn't think about it much.

Then my mirena failed. Found out 12w+ that I was pg again. I knew at once it was dd2. I didn't plan it, had given up wanting it but it happened. Took both of us quite a time to accept it as the reason we weren't having any more was a painful kidney condition I had in pregnancy which I'd already started symptoms of - that's why I did the test!

Dd2 is now 16 and fabulous, wouldn't be without her for anything. And once I was Of I knew our family was done - so much that dh had a vasectomy before she was born - without her, we were back to 2 no bother!!

@weegiemum did you get hydronephrosis?

That's what happened to me
I had a urine bag for 4 months

I would have loved more and had just settled for none when I got pg at 38 (having been told I couldn't or wouldn't get pregnant) was a definite blessing - would have loved a whole brood but its not how things worked out and am happy to go with what I have.

My Mum had 6 and adopted everyone else's babies when she could as well - she loved them and was over the moon when the grandchildren started arriving (mine was no 1 in the end although scheduled to be no 2 but had to get in there first)

After I had my second I was still broody and wanted another child, I always wanted three. My dh was done and didnt. Then we had a little surprise and had our third. As soon as I had him I knew our family was complete and my dh had a vasectomy. I never get broody now.

I'm pregnant with my second. If all goes well, this will be it. Done. I always wanted five, but I am 42 now so we are calling it quits at two.
We've enough room for another couple, and we are having to replace the car anyway, but I couldn't go through another pregnancy and birth again after this. Also not looking forward to the sleep deprivation.
Ds will only be 18 months when his sibling arrives, so we are getting the baby toddler stage over in one big hit!

I would like a second one because I was an only child and wished I had a sibling. But if that doesn't happen, she's enough for me and always will be.

Sometimes you have to make a head decision.

I'd love number 3 but it would be utterly selfish. So we are stopping at 2.

I read far too many of these threads and get nowhere! I have two. Always said I wanted three but I've quite struggled with the early years (my two are 14 months apart and it's been tough). I really, really want to feel "done" at two and sometimes I do but annoyingly that urge for a third is always there in the background. I really wish it would go away and I could just be content with my lot - it's so frustrating.

Agree totally. When I was pg with 2nd I knew we’d have a third. It was like something was outstanding, unfinished. When pg with 3rd I knew there would never be a 4th. It felt right. Have never felt any differently, 3rd is now nearly 10 but I’ve never felt “unfinished”.

That's exactly how I feel Mascarponeandwine like something's unfinished/outstanding. Seems there's only one cure for that! I do worry how I'd cope with a third though so I'll probably just ruminate for another couple of years

I always thought I'd have 2 but now we are very much one and done! We don't have the space or money for another one and I would be quite happy doing the baby part again I don't want to do it with an active toddler climbing on my head! My DS is lovely but hard work and I love the fact that me and my DH can tag team and outnumber him!

I think for every person who has a feeling of contentment and complete calm at having completed their family to the size they would choose, there are 10 more who would have had another if there weren't financial / housing / timing / age / environmental/ fertility concerns.

I have 4 and would describe my childbearing days as "happily curtailed" - I wouldn't want any more because it wouldn't be fair on my existing children; additionally, we wouldn't
Cope with a multiple birth or a disabled or poorly baby. That said, I'll always be slightly jealous of women who are able to put those concerns to one side, or who have more time and support or better age gaps and more money, and do feel able to have larger families.

One piece of wisdom I will share though, is that you will never recreate the experience of having your first baby. Babies really don't stay babies for long, and they shouldn't be a project or something to focus on to stop life from moving forwards. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but it can be like that for lots of women.

When I had my second child (who I adore) I always felt that there was still somebody missing from our family. She was born two weeks ago and this time I know that I am done done done. Everybody who should be here is here now, that's how I feel about it and I never felt that before.

I really, really want to feel "done" at two and sometimes I do but annoyingly that urge for a third is always there in the background. I really wish it would go away and I could just be content with my lot - it's so frustrating.

Same here.

I knew when I had my second there'd be another one. It was an itch I just had to scratch. Thankfully DH agreed.

I always wanted 3. Even during my 2nd pregnancy (for which I needed a caesarean) I would ask the midwife about my next pregnancy and VBAC
Thankfully, dh didn't take too much persuading just a little and we had number 3 when number 2 was 3 (VBAC and same midwife) I think I was both fortunate and naive.

100% done, I know my limit and that's 3. Also, there's a feeling of being grateful for what you have and not rolling the dice again.

We have two, though I really wanted another (I'd wanted a baby since I was about 12 and always envisaged having several).

One day I realised that I had stopped needing another child.

Yes, it does go away.

@cultkid no, not hydro nephrosus though I was tested in each pregnancy. I had cascade kidney stones, which was every bit as painful as it sounds. Lasted from 15 weeks pg until 11 months after with ds, then 11 weeks - 2 years with dd2. Hence dh's vasectomy during pregnancy, no matter how badly things turned out I just could never have faced another pregnancy.

I always wanted 4. Before we had any kids DH and I agreed on 3. I've just had DC2 (well, shes 8 months!) and we've agreed, were done!
TBH I've found being a mum much harder than I thought, pregnancy and births have been fine on the most part but actually doing the mum thing is really hard! I thought I would be a natural but I don't think I am, so I happy to stop at 2 and try to my best by them.
In addition to that there are the other elements, such as money, bigger house, bigger car, more childcare to cover and the fact that my career has pretty much stagnated since I had kids and although career isn't as high on my priorities as it used to be, I don't want it to be on hold forever.
We did however, agree that DH wouldn't get a vasectomy until 2 years post DC2, so we can make sure we are definitely sure of our decision, so still time to change our minds!

I love my two more than anything. I feel physically ill at the thought of a third. Sometimes I struggle to arrange my face into a happy expression when people announce their pregnancy. So I know, I am 100% done.

We planned on one - had DT’s - we definitely knew our family was complete.

After I had my first I wanted 3 more. After I had my second (twins) I felt our family is complete. 6 months after the twins were born I still feel like our family is complete. It's completely different to how I felt after my first

Yes, I 100% believe you just know. I didn't feel complete after having my 2 sons. My husband was leaning towards stopping at 2 but I just couldn't shake the feeling someone was missing. We now have added a beautiful baby girl to our family. I feel 100% complete and my husband went and had the snip with my bull blessing lol. And it wasn't just that I wanted a girl.. I would have been thrilled with a 3rd boy! I love boys and originally that's all I wanted.

How old are you OP? I reckon hormones have a lot to answer for. I was “done” After three DCs but once a month (around ovulation time) I’d get sooooo broody. I was using the mirena coil. Well, we acted on that broodiness just the once (coil removed, thought we’d just try once) and 9 months later along came DC4. Obviously they’re adored and loved but it has definitely set us back as we had 3 close together then a 5 year gap between DC3 & 4. I am now refusing to use any kind of hormonal contraception. Am certain it screws with your natural cycles / urges /etc !!! And I am now done. For sure sure sure.