To uninvite her? Would you?

[HopeAndDriftWood]

Fiancé and I have been together for 4 years. We get married in April, and he has a group of friends from school that will be attending. There's 7 men and 1 woman.

We don't live that close to the friends anymore so don't see them often, and I've only met the woman four times as she had a child a few years ago and then split with her partner, so she's been quite busy. From the first time I met her, she blanked me completely. She treats other girlfriends/partners the same, and I tried to rise above it. The group threw us a little engagement meal and she came to that, but didn't talk to me even when her daughter was playing with me.

To be honest, I didn't think she'd come to the wedding if she hated the bride, so I didn't mind her being invited. But we saw them yesterday for the first time since the invites went out, and she went out of her way to be cold and hostile. She does seem to be intending to come to the wedding, she had a bit of a cry over not having a role and wanting to be a groomsman, and she rolled off a list of things she wanted to plan for his stag... I kept my cool and had a good chat with the barman.

If I'm honest, I don't want her to come. It's not that she doesn't like me, it's that she makes it very obvious and awkward, and I can see that causing drama. I feel like she had her chance to be civil last night and we should remove her from the guest list... but I don't want to be the reason that he's not included in the group anymore. Fiancé is happy to do whatever makes me happier - either tell her that she can't come, or talk to her/one of the other men and try to find a solution.

Would it be completely unreasonable to just uninvite her? We probably won't see her before the wedding.

Stop being so POLITE OP... rescind the Invite today...

Have a wonderful Wedding surrounded by people you and your DP love and cherish...

Two. One is the partner of the close friend, she said the woman cried when he talked to her about it and it didn't seem to have made a difference so she just doesn't go anywhere that she thinks the female friend will be,

OP will this partner come to your wedding if you invite this woman?

My DH had a friend like this. A “man’s woman” in her own words. She looked at any male friend’s girlfriend like they were shit on her shoe and was the same as the woman in the OP.

She and her new-ish boyfriend who she was very into and keen to impress did come to our wedding. A few people from the group asked me beforehand very politely if there was any chance they could NOT be seated with her. I was happy to oblige. After the wedding it transpired that the people on the same table as her who knew her were inwardly groaning about having to be near her and though polite didn’t fall over the selves to include her. And the upshot was that her new, actually rather pleasant boyfriend was faced with the situation where she didn’t seem to have as many mates as she’d boasted about and they found themselves rather isolated for the evening. It may have opened her eyes a bit. I don’t know as we didn’t see so much of her after that and nothing at all for years now.

I wouldn't have any negative energy on my special day. Costs nothing to be kind.

Ask her if shes got a problem with u . . If she doesnt ansa or still got attitude tell her not to bother attending.

People treating me in this manner would be dropped from my life pretty sharpish. There’s no way I would have them at my wedding. She already doesn’t like you so who cares if she gets the hump about being un-invited.

Crikey are these men her possessions she sounds very bitter and jealous. I’d actually say ‘have I done something to upset you because you are making it very obvious to me every time we meet that you don’t like my company?’ See what she says but anything other than a ‘sorry I didn’t realise’ and her actually being nice I’d be saying ‘please don’t come to my wedding if you can’t be civil!!’

@HelloYouTwo Oh yes one of those women who claim that all other women are bitches and just get on with men much better....... maybe you're the problem sweetheart!

Fuck that..why are you willing to pay for her to attend whilst she flounces and gives dirty looks etc..

But, OP If you have only sent out a save the date card, then job done!

You now don’t have to invite her.

If she asks or anyone asks, then you both can say why would she expect to get an invite when she blatantly ignores you and is disrespectful to your DF because of this? I would also say that you’ve only invited people that bring meaning and positivity into your lives.

I'm going to go against the grain. I think YOU should talk to her and here's why:

1. her behaviour is territorial and your fiancee is not her territory, she needs reminding of this politely. Be clear; this is not a pissing contest but she's not one of the lads and never will be, she needs to move on from that.

2. you are not a pushover: her behaviour is learned behaviour. She's done it before and has got away with it. You need to make it clear that everyone else sees her behaviour and chooses to rise above it. That's up to them. You choose not to and will no longer tolerate her obnoxious attitude towards you.

3. make it clear it was YOU who invited her to your wedding not your fiancee and if she continues to treat you so disgracefully you can just as easily uninvite her.

Tell her you've accommodated her out of respect for your OH but that good will has officially expired and if she cannot be gracious she needs to stay away full stop and if she is in any doubt of that she is more than welcome to discuss it with your OH.

She needs to understand you have boundaries and to respect those boundaries going forward.

@FelicisNox has a point, OP.

You really have two options. Uninvite the hag and cut her out of your life that way or talk to her and make it crystal clear that her behaviour stops now, or she's out of the wedding and your lives.

The main thing is, ultimately, is you do something to stand up for yourself. Whatever you feel more comfortable with. As long as you don't just let her continue being a bitch/ringleader/obsessive, etc. Make a stand, whatever it is that works for you, and feel so much better as a result.

I say that BOTH of you need to deal with her because you need to make it clear that you have both seen her in action and you are a team. She can’t go complaining to DP with a “She said mean things to me” story because he will have been there. It can’t be twisted.

Have you decided what to do @HopeAndDriftWood?

Stop being a walkover. He’s your man, it’s your wedding, YOU take priority. Tell him to tell her she’s not invited because she’s been a rude cow. Who gives a fuck who thinks what. Own it. Stand up proud and if anybody says anything you say “yep I uninvited her. She was rude and unfriendly and I get to choose who comes to my wedding” stop being agreeable. The happiest people I know in life are the disagreeable ones. They get what they want and they don’t let people walk over them. Agreeable people like you spend their lives trying to please the masses and end up living with simmering balls of resentment inside them. Draw your boundary. Your wedding will only be full of people that love you. Cut that vile fucker off. In fact if it was me, I’d message her personally “Hi. Just to let you know I’ve decided you aren’t invited to my wedding. You don’t seem to actually like me and ignore me at all social events so I’m sure you understand why you’re not invited. No hard feelings. Have a great Christmas”

Any update?