....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

UC lol not UCLA. That's autocorrect haha

Why should I work all day and leave my children in childcare to pay my taxes and contribute my fair share to society so that you can sit at home?

It's people like you that make people vote Tory

My DP stays at home as it's too much money at the moment for him to go back to work and I have a career of sorts whether he did more manual jobs so I can keep progressing.

We are due another baby which was a surprise (contraceptive failure!) Which has set us back a bit in terms of his return to work, but we should be fine. Its just a case of weighing up your personal pros and cons.

DP is going back to studying a qualification while off work which will be great, maybe you could do similar if you have any career goals?

Dont let weird people who bang on about the dreaded tax payer bother you, we place absolutely no value on parents being able to raise their young children in this country. It's hardly as if you're going on the dole til they are 18 ffs.

Oh fuck off mvlover. Just because you made those choices doesn't mean it should be demanded or is even feasible for some people to do the same. Not everyone has well paid supportive careers to go back to, and if you dont but still insist on putting yourself and your children out for the sake of "contributing your fair share" (even though most people claiming will be working for decades just like everyone else( then dont be bitter when other people make different choices to that.

You would be crazy to go back to work for essentially no money. Having a year off to be a full time parent seems like a sensible plan.

I think if going to work and leaving your kid(S) in childcare makes you as bitter as some people on here it would be better to SAH Especially if it's for a short period and it wouldn't have a benefit to your financial position.

I am bitter that some people, hopefully a very small number, don’t/won’t work but expect others to support them through the benefits system. Hopefully any future government will crack down on this and leave benefits for those who really need it. Perhaps then those who legitimately need the help could be given more.

I wouldn't go back if I were you. You would be working for nothing after you had paid for childcare!

The problem is, by claiming benefits instead, someone else is “working for nothing” to pay for you - because you are increasing the tax burden on everyone else.

I work very hard and pay for a nanny to look after my children. I don’t get to see them at all during the week, apart from 20 mins in the morning, because I work such long hours. But I’ll be damned if I expect other people to work so that I can stay at home with my children.

Even if all your pay goes on childcare, I’m afraid I think you should still work rather than claim benefits. And on the plus side, you’d be keeping your pension payments, any job security you will have accrued for working there more than 2 years, etc.

What is annoying is people like you who then cry poverty and the lack of control and belittle those who are in a better financial position who explain they are do because of the sacrifices they made.

I got flamed when I mentioned these sacrifices in another thread but this is exactly what I was talking about. In the end those who sacrifice being about to spend all their time with their kids do so as an investment for later years, so it is bloody right they should be in a better position 10 or 20 years later than those who opted for what all parents would rather have.

I don't really care one bit if a new mum decides to be on benefits for years whilst her kids are young, but I resent these mums when they go on about how unfair it is they are on nmw 10 years later and in a much more precarious situation then those who earn a better I one when they've worked ft all their life.

@Bippety Who says it can't be shared with the father?
Dad's baby wear, Co sleep

Responding to your baby's cues with nothing but love and empathy

Unlike all other parenting styles, where you respond to a baby's cues with hatred and spite 

Every heard of cry it out or forcing routines on a baby @LisaSimpsonsbff

@Passthecherrycoke

Why don't you read?

What is attachment parenting anyway?

@Bippety asked. I answered.

Various people have applied different “rules” to it (like the OPs 7bs which have just been made up by someone)

Anyone who researched ap would know they are at its core.

I can't believe people would get so angry at a parent putting their baby first.

@Dontdisturbmenow you're making a lot of assumptions when OP has said absolutely nothing relating to what you've written.

I wasn’t better off going back to work so I a sahm for now. I go to meetings now and then at the job centre and am always told by my advisor that I may as well stay at home with the baby for now. I have a meeting scheduled for the week after my daughter turns 2 so that I can look into part time work as we will then be eligible for park time free child care.

Part* time

What can I say, feminism and dysfunctional housing market have led us here. Now women have all the wonderful choices expect the ability to raise their own children just on their partner's salary. But I'm not too keen on subsidising others' children with my taxes tbh. More far reaching changes are needed.

Much rather be home with my little one than paying some-one else to raise him

I work full time. I still raise my two young children thank you very fucking much.

@PrimeraVez hear, hear. Very well said.

Thank you @@CloudPop well said also @bluelightdustrict I'm not an attachment parent and I've never ever responded to my baby's cries with hatred and spite so dont assume everyone who isn't an attachment parent does. You dont have to be super glued to your child to give them all the love and support they need. Different strokes for different folks, we do what works best for our families.

I'm not an attachment parent and I've never ever responded to my baby's cries with hatred and spite so dont assume everyone who isn't an attachment parent does.

I didn't say this.
I described attachment parenting, people have then made their own opinions based on that. That is one of the elements.

You dont have to be super glued to your child to give them all the love and support they need. Different strokes for different folks, we do what works best for our families.*

In your opinion. I do what I think is best for my child and I believe ap gives them all the love and support they need and beyond.

Passthecherrycoke but she does have the choice. Just because you and others might not like it, the fact is she CAN stay at home and claim UC if she wants.

Every heard of cry it out or forcing routines on a baby @LisaSimpsonsbff**

If you think sleep training and routine are 'hatred and spite' then I think you might be the one with a problem.

The slight irony here is that there is zero evidence that not practising attachment parenting harms children, but plentiful evidence that children raised in low-income households will on average have lower life chances.

I’ve just realised that if DH actually lived with his DM (next to his work - an hour from our home) DS and I would get £700 pm to top up my part time wage 👍🏻

He works 60+ hours and commutes - our relationship is just sleeping in the same bed 😂😬 We could have ‘family time’ on occasional weekends - nothing would really change and we’d save a tidy sum.

....but I’m not an asshole sooo