....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

I think you’re over invested in your child, don’t understand research and are probably exactly the sort of person who could do with a job to give you something to do with your time blue light.

Interesting point. @Passthecherrycoke
If only I could work instead of having a chronic illness and using walking aids.
How can someone be over invested in their child? Nonsense.

If you think sleep training and routine are 'hatred and spite' then I think you might be the one with a problem.

Using cry it out and forcing routines aren't responding to your baby's cues with nothing but empathy.

The slight irony here is that there is zero evidence that not practising attachment parenting harms children

Zero evidence that practising it does.

So now we're bashing parents for being on low incomes?

@Waxonwaxoff0 Apparently.
Let's see passthecherrycoke's response. Very slippery slope to tell people to get a job when they know nothing of their situation.
Oh well, I was raised on a low income too so I'm destined for a "poorer outcome"

@Waxonwaxoff0, the conversation has evolved since OP posts. My comment wasn't refering to her specifically but to family who make the decision to give up work or reduce hours to claim benefits.

? I don’t have any response. You don’t work because you can’t, presumably. I assume you wish you could.

@Passthecherrycoke Back tracked now, have you?

A few moments ago I was "exactly the sort of person who could do with a job to give you something to do with your time"? My time is filled with vomiting and putting my child first. I'd rather be constantly ill than me filled with envy and hate towards a stranger's approach to parenting and how they fill their time with looking after their child.

I genuinely can't make sense of this thread any more 😂

Thanks everyone for your responses! I was just reading a very similar thread to this one (except OP was FLAMED way more than this one...even called names at one point). Mind is made up.

I'm gonna be a SAHP for the next year, while I completely retrain for a new job....which I can hopefully start when free childcare kicks in.

Thanks all!

Also to the person who thinks the 7 b's of attachment parenting are something I made up?!

Google is your friend. Take a quick look and you'll find they're literally what the whole movement was built on

Not something you made up. Something SOMEONE made up. Attachment parenting can be anything you want it to be

Yes OP glad to hear this! Enjoy spending time with your DC!

How are you going to afford to retrain?

I’m sure you’d much rather have a job than what you’re doing now.

Says who?

Being at home all the time does make you overly interested in unimportant things for the want of something to do. The reason you don’t work doesn’t change that.

Yet you're the one criticising how I bring up and parent my dc. But I'm the one with too much time on my hands?

Your idea of putting your child first isn’t the same as mine, but as you say, you didn’t get the same choices in life as I do.

Which life choices are these?

put sb/sth first. to treat someone or something as being more important than anyone or anything else: She all too often puts others first and never stops to think of herself.

This is what I do. It's not an idea. It's a fact.

How are you going to afford to retrain?

@Passthecherrycoke don't worry about how OP will afford things. Focus on yourself.

Good for you OP. Enjoy your time with your DC.

I don’t even understand your post. But don’t worry, it’s only taking mere seconds to post so time on my hands isn’t an issue

@Passthecherrycoke Of course you don't. Like I said, slippery slope telling someone to work when you know nothing of their background. Well done trying to backtrack.

Why do you keep saying back tracking?can you quote what you’re actually talking about because I don’t get it. I said you’d benefit from a job because you have too much time on your hands. I still think that.

This is what i don’t understand:

“put sb/sth first. to treat someone or something as being more important than anyone or anything else: She all too often puts others first and never stops to think of herself.”

It’s just a Load of nonsense.

It’s a no brainer. I wouldn’t go back either OP. Good luck for the future.

A few moments ago I was "exactly the sort of person who could do with a job to give you something to do with your time" then You don’t work because you can’t, presumably

That is the definition of putting someone first. Which is what I do with my dc. So how can you have a differing opinion of what putting someone first means?

You’re not putting them first, You’re too unwell to work. Unless you’re now saying you’re not too unwell to work.. in which case why do I need to know about your walking aids?!

Gosh, maybe it's because I'm the sort of dreadful mother who not only has been at work today but has also just had a quick pint while waiting for my train (true though very unusual facts!) but this thread has gone crazy. It always amuses me how aggressive the 'if a child is left to cry for 30 seconds it's abuse' people are. Apparently nothing but kindness and love doesn't extend to other mothers, who need to be told that they're Doing It Wrong.

You’re not putting them first,

Please tell me how I'm not putting my child first.