Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 23 24

Original poster

....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

578 replies

TheDelorean81 · 01/12/2019 22:07

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

OP posts:

dontcallmeduck · 02/12/2019 15:54

What about being a role model for our children showing them that work is needed to pay for housing, food, bills etc?

@JanaoftheJingle I still manage to do the school run, attend nativity, plays and assemblies as well as work 30 hours a week. Luckily for me though all other parents in my children’s classes work too so I don’t miss out socially. I have work friends that do for that.

Areyoufree · 02/12/2019 15:56

Just want to say that, as a taxpayer, this is exactly the kind of thing I want that money to be spent on - giving people options.

I think you're on the wrong forum.

I agree with you, by the way.

Tetraread · 02/12/2019 16:09

If it works for you as a family, then yes. However don't rule out part time work necessarily, at the start of maternity leave I thought I wouldn't want to go back; around 9 months in as much as I love DS, I was ready to get back. I applied for loads of jobs, and secured one for 3 days a week. He went to a childminder for 2 days (OH does has a weekday off a week), and it worked out so well, fairly affordable too. DS really enjoyed being around other children and getting out and about, plus the messy crafts etc. As I had been with them for a few years by the time he started school, I could apply for flexible working and now do the same hours but over 5 days so can do pick ups and drop offs
Obviously not saying that is right for everyone, but perhaps be open minded about how you might feel in the future. Whatever you do make sure it's right for you.

Mammabee20 · 02/12/2019 16:15

I think it is wrong to quit work and start claiming UC because you think you will be worse off by returning to work. I work in a call centre and I am due to have baby number 2 in February time. I pay for my DD to be in childcare full time for the moment and once her brother is here, we will reassess what we can afford for childcare and I will return to work for that amount of time.

If I was to decide not to return to work altogether then it will be because we can afford to live on one wage! I am not going to start claiming off the government just for the sake of it. I have been working FT since I was 17 too.

The OP should think of alternative methods of funding the lifestyle she wants for her and her kids.

LynseyLou1982 · 02/12/2019 16:18

I don't really think claiming benefits should be a lifestyle choice just because someone doesn't really want to go back to work. I also think it could be seen as offensive to us working mothers to say that because we go back to work and put our children in a nursery/childminders that we're no 'raising' them. We are we just don't have the luxury of being able to stay at home with them all day. We're still there when we're not at work and we still think about them every day even when we're not with them. Most nurseries are not awful if you take the time to research. I know the cost of childcare is high. We only have one DC and it costs us over £1100 a month for a full time place but it still works out better than me not working or going part-time at the moment. We would like another child and in the new year we will work out in detail how much nursery will cost for 2 children once DS 1 gets his 30 free hours in 2021 (we aren't entitled to the 15 free hours at 2 as we earn too much) and if we can't afford another baby we won't have one.

Siennabear · 02/12/2019 16:21

@RhymingRabbit3 exactly. If you can’t afford to do that it’s not an option.

Wouldn’t we all love to not work and just stay home?

I have to say I actually like going to work. I love earning my own money and getting a break. Work isn’t always easy but it’s different and is better for us all as a family. I can’t imagine being at home all the time , I would honestly lose the plot. After both my maternity leaves I was more than ready to go back. Maybe you will feel different later on.

newbingepisodes · 02/12/2019 16:26

There's another thread running at the moment about people who don't plan for the cost of a baby before they have it.....

MsPepperPotts · 02/12/2019 16:27

Have you thought about retraining OP?
If you stay at home for a couple of years or so with LO
You could train as a NVQ 2/3 Teaching Assistant
My DD did this in the evenings when her DCs were little
It worked out great as soon as they were in school with school hours and holidays.
Obviously money was a tight for a couple of years but if you stick to your budget it doable with UC

Tumbleweed101 · 02/12/2019 17:01

In your circumstances I’d stay home for a few years until my child could claim the 30 hours childcare funded spaces.

I don’t believe a couple of years out of a non career job will make much difference if you’ve always worked until now. I’ve been a stay at home mum at times, for much the same reason - child costs and no career to keep up with - and I found employment easily enough when I was ready to go back.

Frenchw1fe · 02/12/2019 17:17

@TheRightHonerable
You don't need to lecture me I waited 8 years to have a family. I don't however begrudge anyone a little state help if they need it.
In this case I think the OP should work and take the hit but it's her choice.

As for the Daily Mail I don't read it so I'll take your word on the headlines.

Overly dramatic? I think those who advocate that the state is crumbling because women have children and claim benefits are definitely overdramatic.
It's the usual case of the wealthy taking 90% of the goodies and blaming everyone else because the remaining 10% has to be spread so thinly.

Arrowfanatic · 02/12/2019 18:01

I went back part time initially, but when i had my second we decided i would be a sahm.

We got no benefits other than CB and it wad a struggle financially but i loved being home with the kids. BUT we paid for it ourselves. I dont agree that benefits should be used to fund your lifestyle choice. I've gone back to work full time after 9 years & i think it was sheer luck i found this job & got it. This may not be possible for everyone so think long & hard about quitting.

Can i also just say though, the posters saying DP should change jobs so hes not shift working. Do you really think its that easy? My DH is emergency services & i too got the "DH should help with childcare so you can work" tripe too when i was considering it before, but really that isnt possible with his job & i think some people are missing how tough the job market is.

But its that issue, the tough job market that means you need to think long & hard about this as you may think it'll just be a year, but what if you cant get a job?

Bluelightdistrict · 02/12/2019 22:01

“@Passthecherrycoke am I missing something? Can poor people not follow the ethos of attachment parenting?”

Well you can’t afford to can you?

I am a single ap parent and don't work and claim uc. Why do you need to have a high income to be an ap @Passthecherrycoke

Bippety · 03/12/2019 00:53

Don't leave work if you aren't married, such a precarious situation. What is attachment parenting anyway? I've Google'd and it seems just like being a parent to be honest, with a hint of martydom; happy to be corrected though.

Bluelightdistrict · 03/12/2019 01:35

@Bippety a parenting style with attachment at its core.
No sleep training, cio etc.
Baby-led pretty much everything.
Breastfeeding (extended)
Baby wearing (extended)
Co sleeping
Responding to your baby's cues with nothing but love and empathy

LisaSimpsonsbff · 03/12/2019 06:18

Responding to your baby's cues with nothing but love and empathy

Unlike all other parenting styles, where you respond to a baby's cues with hatred and spite

Bippety · 03/12/2019 06:39

Just because I'm interested and not to knock it, what is the supposed benefit of having a baby who it seems is more or less dependent on just you? I know they all are dependent, obviously, but why can't that be shared with the father etc?

Bippety · 03/12/2019 06:40

Lmao @LisaSimpsonsbff, so true. Babies are all different anyway, each to their own, but it seems a bit far to use it as an excuse not to get back to work. I'm assuming that babies may like a roof over their heads and bills paying too.

Fightingmycorner2019 · 03/12/2019 06:42

Since when did claiming benefits become a lifestyle choice. How is it reasonable to expect other people to work and pay their taxes to pay your bills?

Yup

AnotherEmma · 03/12/2019 06:54

"Unlike all other parenting styles, where you respond to a baby's cues with hatred and spite"

🤣🤣🤣

Passthecherrycoke · 03/12/2019 07:15

Oh @Bluelightdistrict you are hilarious. Everyone knows what attachment parenting is, it was all the rage in 2011. Anyway Op can’t do it if she can’t afford to stay at home and look after said baby can she? That was her whole point . Childcare is bad because I am such an attachment parent!

The rest of us just chuck them in cages at 6 weeks and hope for the best, obviously

Bippety · 03/12/2019 07:21

To be fair i had never heard of it, which I'm glad of as it seems like another thing which would have made me feel inferior in the early months; when in reality everything was great, it seems prescriptive ideological arse to keep women in their place. I enjoyed being able to leave DS with other family members and him being happy and content, even more so when the toddler years hit and I could escape to work for a few days a week.

AnotherEmma · 03/12/2019 07:55

This thread has it all. Benefit bashing, SAHM v WOHM debate, attachment parenting debate... welcome to mumsnet

maddening · 03/12/2019 07:57

Hi op, could you show your calculations here including your dps income and your income if you were to return,. Poss someone would be able to advise you.

Passthecherrycoke · 03/12/2019 07:58

It’s not even a proper thing bippity, it’s not official or anything. Various people have applied different “rules” to it (like the OPs 7bs which have just been made up by someone) and doesn’t have any decent evidence behind it

Surfskatefamily · 03/12/2019 07:58

Another agree here.

I've done exactly that. We only get a couple of hundred in UCLA, far less than what I'd have to claim childcare and I feel the years spent in parent care this young are so important.

If you can do it do it, congrats on your baby

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 ··· 23 24

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.