....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

My husband earns in the top 5% and my being at home facilitates the household income/household tax output 🤷🏻‍♀️

The laziness was NOT in reference to being a SAHM. It’s in reference to just deigning not to work when she can’t afford not to. Pre children I always worked, and although I love being a SAHM, if we couldn’t afford it I absolutely would work. It’s bullshit to live off the state when you don’t need to.

@TheDelorean81 and they haven’t had a majority government for most of the time they have been in charge. I hope they get a majority and I hope they make it as difficult as possible for people like you. I have no problem with the welfare state and will happily pay taxes to fund people who genuinely need it. But you’re just too entitled and think your kid is more precious than those of us that go back to work.

Also you can backtrack on what you said about working mothers not raising their kids but that’s bullshit. Plus I follow all of your 7B’s (but don’t think I’m an AP because anyone who has to label their parenting style is just 🙄) I’ve managed to co-sleep (with my 4 year old and 6 month old still), breastfeed both children to natural term, baby wear and whatever else you put. All whilst holding down either a full time or part time job. So cut the BS and at least own your feckless choices.

And before anyone starts, I went back to work by choice. I like the financial freedom that work brings me. I wouldn’t want to stay at home all the time, I find mat leave bad enough.

But point taken re the wording of the contribution comment - definitely sounds hypocritical

@crispysausagerolls she can afford not to. The DWP says she can claim, so she is. It's very easy for you to sig

@crispysausagerolls very easy for you to sit there with a high earning husband and pass judgment on others, but not when you live it.

FWIW I used to think like you, I was a SAHM with a higher tax paying husband. Then one day I ended up single. Ate my words when I had to go and sign on for income support.

It’s ridiculous that she is allowed to claim for it IMO. It’s a total luxury to stay home in 2019, one that I appreciate having but I would not be able to enjoy if it was at the expense of so many other people who wouldn’t be happy with it. Look at all the people on this thread who are working and paying taxes and have an issue with their taxes going towards OP staying home.

Look I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope I’m never in that situation. But at this current time I don’t see myself changing my mind on this. The state should support those who can’t work, not those who don’t want to

But it's misplaced anger. People saying the OP should work because it's "the right thing to do." Is that going to pay her bills though?

Go and complain to the DWP if you're that bothered. Advocate for free childcare so women can go back to work easier.

Don't have a go at a woman who is obviously on a low income trying to do the best thing financially for her family. It's shit living on the breadline.

@Waxonwaxoff0 surely then that would be more of a reason to encourage the OP to stay in work. Even part time. Had you stayed in work you wouldn’t have needed to sign in when you ended up single.

We had a thread very similar to this a few weeks back, and I said then that if your job isn't something that will bring you joy or satisfaction, if there is little to no financial reward for working then I struggle to understand how anyone would return to employment at that stage. Being at home with your child is valuable, but difficult and isolating work for no money. One of the options means you get to spend quite formative years with your child.

It's a bit of a myth that all women have careers to stick at, or that their job gives them financial freedom or validation.

As for the tax argument? If OP worked part time and was below the tax threshold, would she be worthy then?

I'm happy for 'my' taxes to be spent on facilitating a happy home life for a young family on a low income, than live in a society where a mother is forced back to a minimum wage job because the £10 a week they get after childcare is needed to pay the gas bill.

@MynameisJune PLEASE point out to me where I said I can't be bothered to go back to work!!!

Like...have you even had kids?! What part of staying home and raising them is an easy option? Or lazy? Jesus I would much rather be sat in front of a computer all day doing absolutely fuck all!!! If I wasn't having to pay for the privelage then I would go back!

I can't get a second job that fits around my partners work. I can't get another job that pays more because right now I'm not qualified. I can't scrimp back any more than I already am without starving my family. If I'm being told I'm entitled to help then I'll sodding we'll take it....gladly, over homelessness and starvation.

Urgh. I started off this thread polite and trying to be nice...but some people here really manage to bring out the worst in you.

@MynameisJune well I work now and still have to claim tax credits as I'm a low earner. So either way I'd have had to claim something.

If OP plans to re train as she said then hopefully she will be able to get a better job at the end of it.

Also, a one income family isn't and shouldn't be a luxury! The people to get annoyed at in this situation is the companies who don't pay a decent wage to the breadwinner of a family. That's the reason the government subsidies family income.

I thought, as women, we wanted choice?

@Waxonwaxoff0 but DWP doesn't say she can claim. Based on ops current circumstances she isn't eligible. She is going to intentionally change her circumstances in order to claim, through choice not through genuine need.

Minimum wage jobs on full time pay £16k per year, take home is £14k, versus half that claiming UC. Even the best nurseries are less than £1k a month on average. Op would be £2k better off.

Seems like the easy answer is to go on benefits than to really find a way to make it work all round. The more money in ops pocket the better for the child,

@TheDelorean81 yes I have 2 children thanks. You’re two months in so try not to lecture us on how hard it is as well. We working mothers have it even harder, trying to find time to drop our children off with the people that raise them for us. If you think we really go to work for a fucking break then you’re even more insulting than I first thought.

Ah that word again ‘entitled’ the buzzword of a generation who want everything on a plate without doing sweet fa for it.

I try to have sympathy but I know a lot of women currently in their early/mid thirties who would love a baby and are having to wait/save as they can’t afford that first 2 years of non funded childcare yet. Whilst others (like you) just go ahead and have the child and then consider the financial repercussions when it’s too late.

I'm not claiming any benefits because my dh is a high earner, but I had children in my late 20s /early 30s when it was not ideal for my career because of the health and other implications of leaving it later. I didn't want to risk it not working out or having health issues - eg miscarriage is more common in older women, as are various other issues, so I could have put myself through a lot of problems and stress by waiting even if I would probably still have eventually ended up with a live birth if I'd tried in my late 30s. I also felt that I might be tirder and in my case, sadly, two grandparents died in their 50s which helped focus my mind.

I would argue that something has gone wrong in society if people are having to delay child birth so long after peak fertility. We need to resolve the housing crisis and find solutions to this, not demonize women who have children in their late 20s early 30s, which is actually towards the end of the window recommended by health professionals too start trying. This is to allow time to resolve any issues.

@Waxonwaxoff0 I have no problem with people working and claiming. I have an issue with someone purposely making themselves worse off in order to claim benefits. The OP could go back to work but is choosing not to. That’s the difference. It’s a choice I’m sure many would want to make if they could but won’t because they don’t believe on having the state pay to raise their children. Personal responsibility is woefully lacking in some people in afraid.

but I think the view that everyone who works is jealous of those who don't because they don't agree with it is very short-sighted.

That isn't what I said @Bippety
I said people like passthe were envious as they were making personal attacks and are clearly very bitter that people stay home on uc

@StealthMama nursery fees around here are £1500 a month.

No. I would not be £2000 a year better off.

You know when I said to stop poking people with sticks? Saying that those who work just sit in front of computers doing fuck all all day, when (again!) they are the reason you can consider staying at home - is what I meant.

@MynameisJune sorry if you took offence to the notion...but yes, my job was a piss easy minimum wage earner, that compared to staying at home with a colicky 2 month old who doesn't like sleeping or being held by anyone but his parents, was a walk in the park. It would be considered a break for me.

@TheDelorean81 but actually enough of a break to consider going back to work, no didn’t think so.

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo I wasn't talking about everyone's job. I was talking about mine.

@MynameisJune not if I have to pay for the privilege, nope.

but expecting other people who haven’t agreed to support you

@crispysausagerolls people don't need to agree to support a sahm. That's not how it works.