....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

For the record....I don't think I ever said people who went back to work were jealous?

Was that a response I missed along the line somewhere?

@Waxonwaxoff0 hit the nail on the head there...I don't think I ever expected this much hostility. But then this is Mumsnet 🤷‍♀️

I’m as left wing as they come (genuinely delighted at the thought of paying more tax for a better society) but even I baulk at the attitude on here. That you can do this is because others are making a decision that you’re taking pride in being derisive about; if everyone did what you clearly believe is the Only Way, then nobody would be able to afford to do it. I don’t think that you should be fawning over taxpayers, that’s ridiculous, but you might want to stop poking them with a stick and deriding their choices, given that you need them in order to make your choice.

(I’m a childless higher rate tax payer, so no skin in this game.)

I get UC. I went back to work when DD was 7 months. They pay 85% of my childcare costs and I get a bit towards housing costs I think.

I’m much better off working...

It wasn't you who said about the jealousy @TheDelorean81. have you thought about what to study? I looked at loads of local jobs when deciding what to do, and seeing what quals they wanted (I figured it was better to go with the demand in the area as we didn't want to move). Qualifications like CIPS are usually good, as they open doors to jobs which you have to have it for, and procurment roles are usually paid pretty well.

But even if you are not better off working, surely it’s a matter of pride? Of contributing?of not being a feckless, lazy wanker living off other people?!?!

People who are disabled and cannot work have no choice. Or injured. Or really struggling to find work.

Someone who is able to work but “can’t see the point” needs an attitude readjustment.

Personally, I don't really think giving up your job and claiming some UC if for a year or even until your child start school is a tragedy. Your oh will still be working ft, so you won't be entitled to that much anyway. Have you actually worked how much your get with his income?

I would however be much judgemental if your oh reduced his working hours, it you decided to work minimum hours after your child is at school. During this time, you should have worked out a better way to both work, minimise childcare costs and be self reliant.

Just one question though? Why did you wait to be pregnant to retrain? Surely you had plenty of opportunity to do so before?

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo am I poking people with sticks?! If I am it's unintentional 😳

@Dontdisturbmenow that's an easy one....comfort. Just me and my OH....we could afford everything we wanted and even occasionally manage a holiday a year. We had a nice flat and bought good food. If I was happy in my job and he happy in his then why change? This little person however has thrown a bit of a spanner in the works! I want to do better for him.

@Dontdisturbmenow oh and yes...I have done the calculation. With him working full time and me claiming, I'll bring in just a little bit less than what I'm on with maternity pay. Not much, but do-able.

Stating that childcare is ‘paying someone else to raise your child’ is hugely insulting to those of us who have returned to work. You know, those people who pay taxes so that feckless people like you can decide to stay at home and do sweet fa for a few years.

I hope the Tories put paid to people like you being able to claim. Benefits should be for those in actual need, not just those that can’t be bothered to pay to raise their own kids.

But if some-one accidentally gets pregnant and is then being told they shouldn't bring a child into this world if they can't afford it....🤷‍♀️

Sounds dangerously like my comment op but with a handful of changes which alter it completely. If you're not sure just scroll back half a page to be sure you don't misread.

What did you want from a public forum, approval? Validation? To be told it's ok?

You're going to do it anyway.

The point was, you made it sound like you had worked so hard for all these years and paid in so much so were entitled.

Yes you might have worked hard, but in reality you haven't paid in so much because you haven't really worked that long compared to the average bod.

Yes you are entitled in the legal sense, but someone that has worked 40-50 years have seriously paid in.

We thought about these things before having kids. Did you not have a plan?

@crispysausagerolls you said you are a SAHM. Are you also lazy as well? You don't work either.

Also, I personally think benefits should be there for when people need them, not as a lifestyle choice.

@crispysausagerolls what are you contributing then if you don't work? Are you paying taxes at the moment?

@crispysausagerolls one could also call you a feckless lazy wanker who is living off someone else. You're not morally superior just because it's your partner and not UC.

I don't think it's deliberate but some reflection might be an idea - you're not alone in thinking that the best thing for a child is to have a parent at home, but the reason that you're able to do it is because other women are doing something that you don't believe is the best thing for their children. You might want to be more grateful that they're doing that, rather than pointing out to them that you think they're not raising their children as well as you.

I would go back when free hours come up, I think.

I don't know how many more times I can scream that it was an unfortunate use of words that I'm seriously sorry for!! Of course working women still raise their children.

@MynameisJune I'll repeat something I mentioned earlier. The Tories have been in power for a while now, and it's under their government I'm able to claim. Not sure how them continuing their government will change that 🤷‍♀️

Waxonwaxoff0

It’s hugely different though, isn’t it? Being a SAHM is difficult, OP wanting to be a SAHM isn’t the issue (in fact i think it’s great for children to be with their mother), but expecting other people who haven’t agreed to support you, to support you, is feckless and lazy, yes. My husband is able to support me. We discussed it and agreed. He works ridiculously long hours so I am alone Monday - Saturday effectively and it’s a very fair exchange of money/labour in a lot of ways.

Taxpayers working so that OP can just randomly decide it doesn’t behoove her to work is outrageous, frankly.

Any you claim back childcare?

@crispysausagerolls it makes no difference at all. Either being a SAHP is lazy or it isn't. You can hardly call someone lazy when you're doing exactly the same thing, just under different circumstances.

@crispysausagerolls and it's a bit rich you telling someone they should be contributing when you aren't yourself.

YANBU OP. I did the same with my first. I went back to work part time as soon as the free hours kicked in. We ended up having to repay the very minimal amount that we had claimed anyway as DH had an unexpected payrise that year, but I don't feel remotely guilty about it.