....to think that going on UC would be better than going back after maternity leave?

[TheDelorean81]

Long time lurker but this is my first post so please be nice to me :)

Basically I don’t know what to do. My little boy is two months old and I’ve starting to look at what will happen when I go back to work next spring. After costing up childcare in the area I’m in I’d basically be paying to go back! We’d lose my entire income from the family pot.

My partner works different shifts each week so finding a different job to work around his so we can share childcare is out of the question.

My question is this. Would I be unreasonable to go on Universal Credit for a year (ish) until the free childcare element kicks in and I can afford it? Or until my partner can find a better job to support us? Or until I can find a better job that works? My family and my partners family are all saying I should (they’re all very high earners and reckon I’m should make use some of their taxes....not sure what to say to that!), but I just feel that it’s not what benefits are there for?

But in the same vein I’m struggling to see another option.

Anyone else here with personal experience?

Surely the time to do the calculations is before getting pregnant? Or did all of those who decided to claim benefits to fund them being a SAHM accidentally get pregnant?
I didnt have a third child because we couldn’t afford it. Simple!

I can understand that someone, in their 30s, when their potential to earn a decent income is likely limited at this point, would see it best for their family to pack in their job and claim benefit, even though it is not a choice I would have ever made.

However, what I really can't understand is that these people feel no sense of gratitude at all at the fact that they are able to do so, and that ultimately, the privilege they get to be able to be at home with their child is derived from the fact that many parents will not do so.

Gloating about it, making a point that it makes them better mothers for that privilege, accusing others of envy, and seeming to believe that they are more entitled to this privilege than others is really poor form.

I do believe that it is not so much the privilege that conservative others have an issue with, but the attitude of those who can't even recognise it as a privilege but an entitlement.

@Bluelightdistrict yep, especially when they come out with stuff like "I have a work ethic" "I would hate to be on UC as I would be poor."

If you are comfortable with your life and decision why so much bitterness towards what other people decide to do? I work and I don't give a fig what other parents do.

@Beaverdam RTFT. It's not even that many responses back that I addressed this 🙄

@chicken2015 someone that decides to have a couple of years at home to raise their children, out of their entire working life, which is 40+ years for most people? Of course they have a work ethic. Hardly the same as someone who has ever done a day's work in their life.

If you are comfortable with your life and decision why so much bitterness towards what other people decide to do? I work and I don't give a fig what other parents do.

This exactly.

I don't work and even though it's not through choice, I'm not bitter toward those who do work. It's not affecting me.

@Dontdisturbmenow thing is though, the OP wrote a perfectly reasonable and polite first post, and the horrible attitudes of posters who replied were likely what made her and others go on the defensive.

There is no bitterness or envy. Why would there be? Everyone could do this. They don’t because they don’t want that life.

I think you probably struggle to recognise what it looks like when someone is envious of you.

Entitled to benefits

This is the problem. You're not entitled. You use and have used services that you have funded through your tax contributions. You have already used more than you have put in, but you think it's ok to take more, because you are entitled.

Perhaps you need to work more hours, Work 2 jobs, to support the child you can't afford to raise but brought into this world anyway.

@Waxonwaxoff0, I think it's that comment that got people started

Much rather be home with my little one than paying some-one else to raise him
That strike to me and I expect many other posters with a sense of judgement and entitlement. There was no need for that comment when OP started the thread by starting she didn't know what to do as she would be no better off working than on UC (which hadn't even been ascertained when the above was posted).

Why would there be? Everyone could do this. They don’t because they don’t want that life.

You couldn't because you don't have disabilities.
But try to dress up your envy.

@StealthMama '...you can't afford to raise but brought into this world anyway.'

so you're saying I should have had an abortion, instead of continuing the pregnancy and merely trying (and subsequently failing...) to make things work financially?

Shit happens and we don't always end up where we want to be, financially or personally. I'm sure the world would be a better place if we were all like you...but the fact is we're not.

@Dontdisturbmenow I recognised that mistake in my phrasing and immediately apologised for it....yet I'm still being dragged through the mud for it.

No, I'm saying you and dp should get 2 jobs / work more to fund your family choice.
But you don't want to do that as you feel you're entitled to take money from other people. Income tax isn't a savings account, and if it was you would find yours is well in the red. It was red by the time you reached 18.

Lots and lots of women do choose terminations however precisely because they can't afford to raise the child.

Epic misreading from me I saw UC and thought of the programme university challenge - I thought yes YABU going back to work after maternity leave is awful.

I wouldn't mind but university challenge is not even my thing, I'm more a Location Location Location girl.

In the OP ‘but I just feel it’s not what benefits are there for’.

Many people have agreed and you are now very annoyed. It’s quite possible I have missed something in the last 13 pages, who has said you should have an abortion?

But, if we have a 'system' where the benefits of paid employment offer so little more, if even less, that going on benefits, who can blame someone going on benefits?

Sod the morals, expect jobs to pay wages that make it worth someone's while to do them!

I recall a possibly Panorama programme a few years ago, maybe 5 or 6? Where the maths demonstrated that in this family of mum, dad, four kids; a minimum wage 40 hrs per week job netted the father something like £10-20 a week more than living on benefits.

Who can blame that choice?

@AreWeAnywhereNear

@Miljea I can.

Because being in employment makes you more likely to receive annual cost of living pay rises. It makes you more likely to be promoted into better paying roles. It makes you more likely to recurve company benefits which reduce the burden on state provisions.

And same rule applies, why have 4 kids if you won't be happy on £10-20 a week left over. If you are, then go for it. But if you're not, don't create a lifestyle that can only be supported by taking from everyone else and tell yourself it's ok. It isn't ok. It's common sense.

@IwouldntmarryHeathcliffe I started off this thread thinking that yes...but the few positive responses I received early on convinced me it would be okay. That and further discussion with friends and family, and other ladies in my bumps to babies group who are all doing exactly the same thing....going on benefits instead of going to work.

No-one outright said it. But if some-one accidentally gets pregnant and is then being told they shouldn't bring a child into this world if they can't afford it....🤷‍♀️

I think if u need to decide if u go on benifits , then u probably shouldnt because i believe its for people who have no other choice.

Was it news to you that you'd have to pay for childcare when you returned to work?

How strange.

And just because loads of other people r doing it doesnt make something ok

This thread has esculated into ridiculousness, as predicted. I don't think everyone who works is jealous, I think childcare is fab, much more exciting than sat at home with me all day because we can't afford to go out, or doing the same few walks just to get out of the house. Working means we have spare money at the end of the month, can do things on our days off which we weren't able to before, and as he is socialising with other babies and learning new skills his development is coming on in leaps and bounds. This doesn't mean it's the right decision for everyone, but I think the view that everyone who works is jealous of those who don't because they don't agree with it is very short-sighted. OP it sounds a great idea to train.

Thank you @Bippety :)

I wish I had a job that left me with more money than UC would give me! Hopefully retraining will help this in the future