to refuse to do half the travel?

[floatygoat]

Ex has moved two hours away to live with latest girlfriend (this is the 5th girlfriend in 18 months he's shacked up with and expected our two DC to play happy families with every other weekend).

He has now announced he expects me to do half the travel.

AIBU to tell him to do one? He can have the kids when he likes but no I won't be doing half the travel. I also have a newborn and couldn't do this without several stops on the way there and back to breastfeed, even if I wanted to.

1 hour drive there, breast feed baby, 1 hour drive back. And your children get to see their father

Here’s an idea.... one hour for the father to collect them and one hour back and no one has to breastfeed in a lay-by. Result! If it’s such a tiny inconvenience then the father can do it surely?

That's what the father would be doing too.

To meet halfway, they both drive an hour.

* "1 hour drive there, breast feed baby, 1 hour drive back*"

hahahahhahahahhahahhahhaha !

My ex did the same. He does all the travel unless I happen to be going that way.

@Courtney555 it's a two hour trip to half way point and back. not two.

@Courtney555 The main reason I'm not meeting half way is because he has decided to move to 'facilitate' the needs of his penis instead of thinking about how he will possibly continue to see his children every other weekend with not enough time or money for fuel. Now he can get his regular shag and be guilt free about seeing his kids less because he can blame me for not jumping to his tune!

The baby is another reason not to do it, not THE reason.

And by the way my daughters did ask for a baby sibling and are thrilled to bits with her.

So you begrusge him mooving on with hisa life and are using the child children as pawns. Now you show your true colours.

As I've said before although they would like to continue to see their dad eow they are more than used to going through long periods of this not happening because of his choices.
I'm really not able to make up for the fact that he consistently chooses his own needs above theirs, no matter how I'd like to.
I have spent years and years trying to work around his chaotic life and gone above and beyond what any sane mother would do, believe me.
Facilitating this latest selfish decision will do what exactly? Allow them to be entertained by the new woman and her children for one weekend more a month for a little while u til she splits up with him and he can't have them for 3 months again because he has nowhere to live?

So you begrusge him mooving on with hisa life and are using the child children as pawns. Now you show your true colours.

Yes, that’s exactly right, @june2007. Got it in one.

Now run along and find another thread to analyse with that incisive, legal brain of yours.

So you begrusge him mooving on with hisa life and are using the child children as pawns. Now you show your true colours.

Oh grow up. If he gave a shit about his kids, he would have taken this into consideration when he cocklodged with another gullible woman. Why should the OP travel two hours with a newborn because he can’t be arsed travelling by himself? Stop making women responsible for men’s bad behaviour.

@june2007 are you the gf? what point exactly are you missing? I'm saying what I've said from the beginning, his decision to move for a woman he has known for a month, his responsibility to sort out the fact that he now can't see his kids as much.

@floatygoat - My then-DH and I were the other party: we moved 2 hours away from his son. We made the round-trip every weekend, there and back, because his ex didn't choose to move away - we did.

So I think you are entirely reasonable to not budge a fucking inch.

The main reason I'm not meeting half way is because he has decided to move to 'facilitate' the needs of his penis instead of thinking about how he will possibly continue to see his children every other weekend

That's a lovely way to describe moving on with a new partner.

It's acceptable for you to facilitate the needs of your vagina with a new partner because you've stayed in the same location? That's just a really awful way of thinking.

You don't have to stay where you are. Neither does he. One of you has to be the resident parent, that happens to be you, you've both moved on, it's not outside the realms of reason for one of you to form a new relationship that isn't right on the doorstep.

He's asked you to meet him halfway so clearly he is still actively looking to see DC as frequently as he does now. You don't want to because of his new relationship. I don't think he's unreasonable for asking to be met halfway. I equally don't think you're under any obligation at all to do it. I do think you're only refusing because of the new partner, you can't add an unrelated baby into the mix of contact of previous DC as your new baby with a new partner is obviously as irrelevant to him as the changes in his life are to you.

Bollocks to that. He should have sorted the travel out before he moved.
My ex lives away from us and he sees our DS once a month because that’s more feasible and not so much travel for my DS.
Ignore the posters that have decided they know why you don’t want to do it.
He’s sounds like a flake. 5 live in relationships in 18 months shows he thinks of himself not his children.
Also, block the girlfriend. You don’t need to deal with her.

He's asked you to meet him halfway so clearly he is still actively looking to see DC as frequently as he does now

If he was actively looking to see the DC as frequently as he does now he would be happy to do all the driving.

I mean I know on MN the bar tends to be pretty damn low with regards to what a decent father is, but this is really ridiculous.

Some posters really need to RTFT.

This is shag partner no.5 in 18 months for the ex who expects OP to drop everything to faciliate his next soiree.... hardly putting his dear children's needs first.

FFS - OP, just listen to the 99% of posters who are affirming your position and actions and ignore the others...

@Courtney555 he's not "moving on with a new partner." He is on his 5th cocklodging host in 18 months (8th girlfriend in total since we split 5 years ago).

Thank you to everyone else for your excellent advice x

They're getting married, no?

It's not really down to you to approve of other relationships that an ex has, unless they are of danger to your DC during contact.

Getting the hump over a relationship that your ex is in because you don't deem it "worthy" should not be the basis on whether you assist with contact arrangements. Don't do it because you don't want too, sure, but own that decision, not blame it on your opinion of who he chooses to date. It's only the DC that miss out.

It's not really down to you to approve of other relationships that an ex has, unless they are of danger to your DC during contact

Are you really suggesting you wouldn’t be concerned about 5 live in relationships in 18 months? You really don’t see that negatively affecting small children?

Concerned, is possibly the wrong word.

Would I think it was admirable? No.

Is it anything to do with me whether I like it or not, or vice versa what he thinks with the relationship I choose to be in? No.

Is it a basis on which not to assist with contact for our shared DC? No.

So...
Do I need to assist with travel arrangements for our DC? No.
Could I? Yes.
Am I choosing not too 1) on the basis I don't like his relationship choice, and 2) I've chosen to have another baby with someone else and that makes it less convenient? Yes.

OP can do what she likes. She could meet him halfway though. For the benefit of the DC. Equally, he could drive the whole way. For the benefit of the DC. Many people meet halfway though, because they understand that ex's aren't going to live on each others doorsteps for 18yrs for many reasons, and at some point, there's going to be travel involved as a result of that.

Concerned, is possibly the wrong word

Oh no, it’s absolutely the right word. I can not believe anyone with half a brain wouldn’t be concerned over the impact the “revolving door” policy with regards to partners will have on the children.

@Courtney555 Seems like another sock poppet account for the deluded GF it seems.

But my point is, Jacques, if he's like that, he'll be like that whether he's ten minutes down the road or an hour.

If you didn't want the DC to go because you felt the "revolving door" he's purported to have, was not suitable for them to be around, then OP wouldn't be letting them go full stop.

There's clearly no genuine concern here or they wouldn't be going anywhere. She's choosing not to assist with travel arrangements because of her personal opinion on his personal life. Which again is entirely her call to act how she wants. But she's doing it on the wrong reasons, and it's DC who miss out.

If you didn't want the DC to go because you felt the "revolving door" he's purported to have, was not suitable for them to be around, then OP wouldn't be letting them go full stop

There's clearly no genuine concern here or they wouldn't be going anywhere. She's choosing not to assist with travel arrangements because of her personal opinion on his personal life. Which again is entirely her call to act how she wants. But she's doing it on the wrong reasons, and it's DC who miss out

Maybe if he isn’t facilitated he’ll stop thinking with his cock.

If his DC miss out it is 100% at his door. Just one more feckless father to add to a list who puts his own sexual gratification above his kids. I feel so sorry for women like the OP, who not only have to pick up the pieces but are accused of being culpable in affecting the children.