Hidden annoyances of being a single parent.

[OhioOhioOhio]

Taking stuff out of and putting stuff in the attic.

Ohio - one hidden annoyance of being a single parent may be making Christmas wonderful for the children and pretending everything is fine, when you really feel like crawling under your bed till the festive season is over.
I’m thinking of two single mums I know. As they live a long way from me, this has reminded me to send each of them a present that’s a treat for them.
and to you too, Ohio.

OP, maybe you need to ask MNHQ to rename the thread "Hidden annoyances of being a single parent that can also be experienced by other people but tend to be greater in number for single parents and aren't necessarily the biggest or most difficult to manage problem in your life"

Would that help space?

Oh I have 4 that’s probably why it’s not getting easier. It was honestly easier when the youngest was a newborn. Toddlers are hard work.

Having a teenager who is stressed is harder when you are a single parent. Having toddlers having tantrums at bedtime is harder when you are a single parent. Having seriously ill children is harder when you are single parent

I have a 17 year old so stressed out by exams. I have a toddler with ASD who has multiple meltdowns a day. I also have a 14 year old and a 6 month old. I've recently become a single parent (again) and I've been putting off getting the tree down from the loft as its bloody exhausting, especially on top of everything else.

Fuck all to do with being single and a parent.
Oh FFS. If I didn't have dc I wouldn't bother with a tree (for example).
Going to appointments-if I wanted to get my hair done I had to find somewhere to leave dc or take with. That's NOT something you have to deal with when you have no kids!
Why are some people so determined to shit all over this thread? !

Ignoring the twats.

On the plus side once the DC are teens (or even slightly younger) they are more than happy to go in the attic

Mine won't, because SPIDERS (though I agree with them, there).

XH did fuck all except:

Put petrol in the car
Put the bins out
Chop wood for the fire
Get stuff from the attic (as I say: spiders. Plus ladder).
Dealt with sick

When those things need doing, I really, really hate single parenting. I can now do all of them apart from willingly confront spiders (have had to deal with them in the house, but I'm bloody well not seeking them out in the attic), but would rather not. Especially sick.

Actually, I'm adding "Christmas, full stop" to the list of shit things about being a single parent. 🎄

The most annoying thing is whenever there is anything posted about single parents .. people who aren’t living it feel the need to pull it apart.

The filling cabinet thing . My next door neighbour kindly carried one upstairs for me last week.

In reality the hardest thing is no one else really knowing Ds, He got a well done postcard from school the other day . He has sn’s so am very proud no one else even cares.

On the subject of trees. I am full of cough and cold so ours simply won’t go up this weekend as it requires too much effort and I don’t want to breathe in the dust from the loft.

Sometimes the big obvious ones , covering sick time , lack of income holidays are the ones you know you have to deal with but it’s the little things couples may grumble about we have no one to grumble to

Mercedes could you ask a neighbour or friend to help? Where I live people are always helping each other out with jobs like that, maybe I am just lucky to live in a community minded place. We have a local Facebook site where people can ask for help, your town or parish councillor might be able to suggest something (esp. at the moment when they are all falling over themselves to prove how helpful they all are ).

Yeah. If I didn't have children I wouldn't bother with a tree. Certainly not a big tree. So being a single parent and tree wrestling is annoying

Right most of these are about just being single. Fuck all to do with being single and a parent.

Precisely, but you'll get slated for saying so.

thankfully, when I was carted off to the hospital in an ambulance in the night, ex woke up when I rang and came round to get them to school.

last week he slept though 23 phone calls, when I needed some help with dd.

mercedes, if it si scrap can you dismantle it?

I mean I could bring up making the decision to take your child to A&E in the night alone but that's not an annoyance, it's downright bloody frightening. The thread asked for hidden annoyances. I reckon Xmas tree related palaver qualifies.

I've literally just started a thread about being a lp and needing some alone time! I'd have put my moan on here if I'd seen this thread.

Mercedes, do you have a Nextdoor website that covers your area? If so, you could perhaps explain the situation and ask if anyone might be able to help you? I've been racking my brains as it's precisely the kind of thing I have to do, too...

I’m pretty good at doing most stuff a good proactive husband would be happy to do, from DIY to dealing with intimidating situation... but buying at delership (but madam, 5 owners for a 2 year old car is pretty common...) , dealing with dishonest builders (the scaffolding young lady is going to cost you £8,000 alone, me: really, I rented the same amount last year and they charged £450) and carrying bags of sands alone had made me wish not not to be a single mum but being married to a class A son of a ... who could give them a good (verbal) bollocking!

Interestingly... I have not seen many man’s at all to fight their corner in the way I can fight mine...

But agree with the initial post, bringing a tree down from the attic while your toddler sits on your bed with your mobile waiting in anticipation to call 999 if you fall, it is a pretty representative problem of being on your own. Yeah, any married or partnered woman can bring a Christmas tree down the attic, but how many can lie dead undiscovered for days? That is the bloody difference!

I think one of the hardest things for me (and the respect in which it really, really differs from being just single) is the feeling of knowing you need to ask for help but feeling like you can't because you can't reciprocate. For instance, friends with partners can trade babysitting (one stays home with their own kids while the other babysits) with other couples: until DS and his friends were old enough for sleepovers I couldn't.

I would just like to come downstairs and for once, some magic fairy have done the washing up, ironed the clothes, cleaned the toilet, put everything away and made me a cup of tea!

You are all so kind thinking about my problem. I may yet take a hammer to it to get it apart, might be interesting exercise.

Unfortunately no neighbours who are fit enough to help. Most are elderly and one is a single parent so can’t just pop round and help a neighbour on a whim...

Christmas trees and so on though, they'd be just as annoying if you didn't have children, i.e. were a single adult.

Yes but as a child-free person you can just say "nah fuck it, I didn't want a tree anyway". You only have to worry about yourself.

I don't have children but my OH is a single parent and has his DC 7 days a week. Some interesting insights here into what it's like for him (we don't live together). And let us not speak about the other stuff.

@MsRomanoff - not sure why this is difficult for you to understand, but adults, who are married, or in a ltr, also buy food for their dc (and sometimes and elderly relative or neighbour too). You don't have to be a single parents to buy shopping for your family, on your own.

What's the issue with that? (It being tricky, or even annoying to try and do the shopping with dc in tow). Nothing. But the point is, this thread was asking for 'Hidden Annoyances of Being a Single Parent', and this is just 'an annoyance of being a parent' and absolutely nothing to do with being a single parent.

Unlike the poster after you @carly2803, and then loads of other posters, who has / have listed things that make life difficult as a single parent. I totally get the whole Christmas thing.

Without kids then no one is trying to grate their brother with a cheese grater while you’re in the attic

Made me laugh @FlapAttack23

I needed this post tonight.
Dealing with everyone's emotional needs because they seem to not want to burden their dad on his 4 nights a month.
Taking the car to the garage and being massively overcharged because I'm a female.
Emptying the bins.
Cutting the grass.
I've been divorced 10 years and have 4 children and I'm exhausted physically and emotionally this wk. Meanwhile he's jetting off on hols again.

Some posts feel unnecessarily contrary.

Mine is having no one to share a glass of wine with on Christmas Eve once all the presents are wrapped and the kids are in bed. It’s the only time I really feel lonely.

That one really caught me out. I felt so sad. And also sad for my ex that he hadn't been part of the tiptoeing around to get presents that had been hidden away, filling stockings etc.

By far my most annoying moments are running out of milk and knowing there will be no cuppa in the morning. I saw a tip recently on another thread to make milk ice cubes which I'm definitely going to do.

My eldest can make me coffee now which is fantastic. I don't let him carry it up stairs yet but we're getting there!

Throwing my hat into the (boxing) ring here. I’m a totally lone parent by choice as I adopted my two girls as a singleton and I’ve not had a relationship since (10 years in now). I’m counting my blessings tonight as something in a message up thread really struck me - it was from a mum who spoke of the heartache of waking up on Christmas Day without your children.

I hope everyone who is in this situation this year will accept my empathises and best wishes for a lovely festive season this year from a fellow single parent who knows how hard it can be - and how it’s the little things in life that can tip us over the edge, when we’re dealing with so much and juggling so many plates already.

By the way, I can heartily recommend having NO Christmas tree! In my defence, my elder daughter’s birthday is exceptionally close to Christmas Day & I’ve always sought to keep the two celebrations separate. Christmas trees are for Grandma’s house and birthday decorations are for our home ☺️