Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I agree that it's mean, they shouldn't have taken part if they didn't want to both or couldn't afford it. There's no shame if you don't want to spend the money, as plenty of people usually don't want to take part for a variety of reasons. I always put a lot of thought into them, even if I don't spend up to the limit I know that I've bought them something they are going to use and like. I always without fail get a bottle of wine (I don't drink). I don't bother taking part anymore.

As a pp said, you sound like a nice thoughtful person, but spending a lot and going to great lengths to find something nice and special, and then harbouring resentful thoughts about someone else not making the same amount of effort, (and spending less money,) is quite unhealthy.

She didn't stick to budget. She spent way under. That's the issue.

I honestly would not be spending more than 3 quid on something from B & M or Home Bargains.

Then don't agree to participate when there was a clear minimum spend

Many people cannot afford to spend a lot, and even if they can, they may not want to. So whilst you are making yourself feel good with your generosity, you could inadvertently be putting unnecessary pressure on someone else, and making them feel a bit shit

I stuck to the budget. Spending less than the minimum budget is lot on and if you can't afford to spend £10 that's agreed, don't bother participating

As a teenager I worked a zero hour contract as a delivery driver in a takeaway and was really struggling for money (I had £8 for a food shop one week, for example). When it came to secret Santa I felt like I had to take part because everyone else was. The suggested cost was between £15-£20. I spent £4 on a bottle of wine as it was all I could afford at the time and then felt bad when my secret Santa bought me a lovely expensive gift set

Just something to think about - Christmas is an expensive time of year and it's possible that people are struggling.

However if they do have the money and are just being stingy then yes that is bloody annoying haha! Now I'm much better off financially I wouldn't spend less than the suggested amount. I would be disappointed with Poundland socks too!

I used to love Secret Santa. I generally got tat/toiletries (no good to me as I have a lot of allergies) but I loved finding out who I had to buy for and trying to find the perfect gift. This year it’s been changed and people have to buy and wrap a gift for about £10 and there will be a lucky dip. To me that sounds as meaningful as swapping £10 notes and I’ve opted out. ☹️

After receiving rubbish gifts for 2 consecutive years, I have since opted out of the work one too (easily done when working pt and not always there on gift swap day). I despise waste and was receiving things that were wrapped in lots of plastic and never going to be used.
With friends, we do SS through a website which randomly allocates who we are buying for and can put a wishlist so I always request something I need. Yes, the fun is gone from guessing who bought for me but I don't have the space for stuff I don't want or need in my house

Our secret Santa rule is the worst xmas themed tat from the local charity shop that costs no more than £10.

You would be amazed at the amount of effort people go to, to get the shittiest presents 😂

I think it’s really out of order to agree to a minimum spend and then not stick to it. If you can’t afford it, have a quiet word and don’t take part.

You don’t have to spend much time or effort buying something these days - ten minutes in any supermarket or online will give you a raft of secret Santa gifts for a range of budgets.

@Bananacake20 I’m sorry about your circumstances but as grown adults we should be able to bow out for whatever reason and not feel we can’t. I don’t understand the mentality you’re talking about, although i guess it’s more understandable from a teen.

I hate them and refuse to participate because there are always people who are forgotten or given cheap tat while others do it right ... the disparity sucks. Embarrassing and sad to be on the non-receiving end while others take advantage of good will.

Better off having a nice meal together.

OP you bought your SS the same gift as you received - a mug with chocolates.

You really have no right to complain.

Maybe the mug and choices were not to your taste, but that's just tough ...

I spent £4 on a bottle of wine as it was all I could afford at the time and then felt bad when my secret Santa bought me a lovely expensive gift set

When I get as very poor, I felt bad that people helped me out.

Now I'm not poor, I really like to help people out and I'd be really keen to give someone on a low wage an extra nice gift to give them a treat.

I said to my mum years ago that I felt bad that my grandad would give me my bus fare for going to see him and nan when I could afford it, but she said to let him do it because doing it makes him happy. And now I'm older I can see that.

When I was about 21 and working as a temp on a very low wage, I had only four plates in my rented house and we had friends for dinner and I couldn't afford to buy more plates, and a wonderful woman at work I barely knew gave me four (totally odd) plates, and I was so grateful. I've still got one of them thirty years later.

@NewName73 except the minimum spend was £10 and this was a Poundland mug and a bag of chocolate buttons. Don't be obtuse.

*OP you bought your SS the same gift as you received - a mug with chocolates.

You really have no right to complain.

Maybe the mug and choices were not to your taste, but that's just tough ...*

I’m not sure if you’re being dense or goady. Maybe both.

If the SS tight arse couldn’t afford to participate s/he should have declined. No one has spare money at Christmas but either take part properly or don’t bother.

I think we can spot who some of the SS CFers are on this thread...

*I can honestly say I have never had a conversation at work about my 'favourite chocolate', not that I have favourite chocolates anyway. I also don't have a favourite bath oil/foam, nor shower gel (I actually don't use them) so I would not be having that conversation either. I use soap, but I don't have a favourite. And if I did, there is no way my work colleagues would know.

Odd that you have managed to have thousands of such conversations - have you considered getting a hobby?*

Is there any need to be so nasty? Plenty of people chat to colleagues. Maybe your workplace is full of miserable dour types like you seem to be but plenty are full of normal people who converse with the people they work with.

I didn't get anything last year. The person who pulled my name out couldn't be arsed. I've not entered this year.

This is why I no longer do secret Santa - people getting the hump over getting something shit/not to their taste/not ultra personal and thoughtful. Half the fun of it is crap gifts.

Who knows why OP’s SS got what they did, maybe they signed up thinking they could afford it then couldn’t (you have done it really early, perhaps they thought they’d get another pay day to sort it), maybe their personal life has imploded and they haven’t had time, maybe they’re not very good at gifts, maybe they just don’t like you.

SS is the ultimate lesson in not giving to receive imho.

If the SS tight arse couldn’t afford to participate s/he should have declined

Ah, the spirit of Christmas is so heartwarming

I would rather get a bag of jelly tots than exclude someone who wanted to join in. If someone genuinely couldn’t afford £10 to participate then I think it’s really sad to exclude them further.

I would LOVE a packet of jelly tots!!!!

Last one I participated in at work I got ... Head and shoulders shampoo and conditioner. Which I accepted gracefully and decided to donate where I was volunteering. They were handed out by "Santa" in the hospital canteen where our manager always treated us all to lunch. Unfortunately for my SS "Santa" was always me or my manager, it was him that year, and he was livid.

After that it was banned.

I used to work for a firm where we had an evening meal out, and you brought with you a present, wrapped. Present was maximum spend £5.

During the evening the assembled company held a (rigged) secret vote for Santa. After the meal and brandy etc (so much inebriated), the Santa was revealed, and had to done a Santa hat and robes, then take parcels, one by one from the sack, decide by feel what it was and thus who it should be for.
The rigged vote meant the most inebriated and amusing person was elected to be Santa.
Over the years people added 'stuff' to the packaging so you really couldn't tell what was in there, but Santa (usually the same bloke he was hilarious after a few drinks yet generally at work was pretty grumpy!)just dished them out with innuendo that would have done well in 'Are You Being Served'. My funniest was a (really nice leather look finish in cerise) slim diary which clearly was a pair of fishnet stockings as far as Santa was concerned.

I can't explain how funny it was but Santa miming putting on stockings....and falling over in the process....!!

OP you bought your SS the same gift as you received - a mug with chocolates.

No, I didn't. For the tenth time, I bought a mug that costs £12 from a name brand I know the receiver adores. I was given a cheap £1 mug from Poundland and a pack of chocolate buttons that are so cheap they don't even have proper packaging, just a see through bag and not even a handfuls worth inside

Hardly comparable to an indulgent chocolate I know the person likes, a bath oil they love and 'treat' themselves with and a mug from a name brand that isn't cheap by any means and they also adore.

How can you compare and say I've bought the same thing as I was given?

*Ah, the spirit of Christmas is so heartwarming

I would rather get a bag of jelly tots than exclude someone who wanted to join in. If someone genuinely couldn’t afford £10 to participate then I think it’s really sad to exclude them further.*

This “spirit of Christmas” shite is just an excuse for either CF behaviour or virtue signalling. It’s unfair for everyone else to put in £10 and yet not spend that on your own gift.

It’s not “sad” not to take part in SS. People are generally just pretty matter of fact about it IME.

When I was at work we had a rule £5 .00 or under ,no smellies or chocs! Silly socks OK ,Scented Candle or notebook all things I managed to get!

One year I got a very cheap box of liqueur chocolates and a pair of children’s mittens. The following year was a large tub of Christmas pudding flavoured yoghurt, which had been sitting wrapped in Christmas paper, in a warm staffroom, for two days 🤢.

After that I just said no.

It must feel quite unnerving to be so disappointed in a secret Santa gift and know that’s just what your DH was doing to other people.