Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I’m not virtue signalling or being a CF - I also don’t get my knickers in a twist because a work colleague didn’t meet my standards and make me feel all special.

It’s all bullshit that gets turned into nasty bullshit by people with no perspective on life who start bitching about how awful their present is without a thought for any possible reasons why their present might not be a fortnum and masons hamper with a framed photo of their family inside.

As I said, i don’t get involved now because it’s often ruined by people getting overly upset because either they don’t like what they got or the person who received theirs wasn’t gushing enough. It’s pitiful.

Secret Santa generally encourages people to buy a load of tat that will soon go to landfill. It is just consumerism gone mad. Just stop participating, or suggest the money that would have been spent is donated to charity instead. That would be truly in the real spirit of Christmas.

I don’t think anyone expects to be made to feel all special or people to gush over gifts but you can dress it up how you like, spending less than £2 where there’s a £10 minimum spend is CF behaviour.

It must feel quite unnerving to be so disappointed in a secret Santa gift and know that’s just what your DH was doing to other people.
Exactly @JacquesHammer, I notice that the op hasn’t answered when myself and another poster has asked her to ask her dh what goes on in his mindset

I actually agree with OP - when you agree to Secret Santa , you agree to buy a gift of a certain budget. If you can’t afford, don’t participate. Why should someone be fobbed off with a rubbish gift and the giver then end up with something decent? You essentially enter a pact- don’t want to buy a gift, or gift at budget, don’t partake

I don’t understand the affordability excuse. We had a colleague on the verge of bankrupts so specifically said she didn’t want to partake. Fair play.

Maybe I’m just bitter that I never received a secret Santa gift last year, despit the fact that a) we all knew who had who, b) I had been given the name of the colleague I despised and who clearly hated me, but ultimately I had promised so therefore stil bought a good gift based on what they liked, and c) my secret Santa gave me the absolute cold shoulder and didn’t speak to me after the exchange day (clearly trying to avoid the question)

Better the way me and my friends do it - it’s either themed, so for example we’ve done tackiest Christmas jumper, something jokey to wear, or just something funny and rude, and one year we did edible secret Santa with the budget.

@Cornettoninja are you honestly saying that in a work secret Santa, when it becomes obvious your buyer spent less than £2 despite an agreed £10 minimum, you wouldn’t feel a bit upset?

You’re seriously saying that you’d still be glowing with all the spirit of Christmas because you gave a lovely gift?

£20 on a Secret Santa?? Blimey that's steep!

I think the OP has a valid point here TBH. She has spent time and money buying her SS a lovely thoughtful present (no doubt wrapped nicely as well) to be presented with a poundshop gift .This means in essence she has lost about £16.00! This is a totally different situation to someone like a student giving Auntie Jean some bubble bath ,when Aunty has spent about £50 on her niece .They are all working for the same company ,and presumably earn similar salaries to one another ,but SS has decided she cant be arsed ,and would rather spend the money elsewhere .This is not on and is just thoughtless and tight.Best to keep it to a spend of about £5.00 in future to avoid any CFS!

We’ve also done ‘helpful elf’ at work. The name you pick out is the person who you secretly do nice things for for a week before school breaks up.

I did loads for mine- left a note telling him not to bring lunch the following day and made him a vegan lunch (he was vegan!). Tidied his classroom while he did lunch duty; left little gifts and poems for him.

I got absolutely nothing that week. Everyone was getting thoughtful treats and felt happy, but nothing for me. I felt really deflated, but thought that maybe there had been an odd number of names and mine had been forgotten or something.

Turns out the person whose helpful elf I was, was also mine. He apologised for ‘not having time to do anything’. He could’ve just made me a coffee when I was out on the playground whilst he made his own!

@actualhornist, I’m honestly saying I wouldn’t be upset. When I did do SS I honestly can’t recall a gift I received that was particularly memorable - good or bad. It’s completely random who buys for who and part of the deal is you may get something unwanted/shit. As I said, you’re not giving to receive; there’s no point in getting arsey because you think your Santa present was fabulous, good for you, but your buyer had nothing to do with it.

One place I worked I got lumbered with organising it for years and the only thing I think is unacceptable is putting nothing in when you’ve signed up for it. I ended up having a stash of cheap generic presents bought out of my own pocket to make sure there were enough to go round. Maybe that’s what happened to the OP.

Oh and clearly I have no Christmas spirit anyway!

I just find isolation in workplaces distasteful and a workplace activity shouldn’t exclude anyone on the basis of affordability, neither should a person have to declare their circumstances to the whole office. I’d rather someone quietly joined in within boundaries of their own resources than face the inevitable barrage of questioning from colleagues going on about why they aren’t taking part (and it’s a rare workplace where people do keep their beak out or understand discretion).

We have a £3-£5 limit and homemade items and stationary is encouraged. Much easier than trying to buy a more considered gift.

Ours is normally something for £5. I declined to take part this year as I figured we were all sending round cheap toiletries/ socks etc ; that if I wanted these things I'd buy them myself and thinking of what to get was just another job to do. I realise that's probably not in the spirit of Christmas.

Half the fun of it is crap gifts.

See, a lot of people don't find that fun at all but wasteful and plenty of the crap gifts are actually very inappropriate, unprofessional or downright insulting. Again, all the more reason to just opt out because if it's not organised well it rarely goes well.

I think if you are not happy with the process then don't do it next year perhaps?

£1 limit at the Christmas meal, I've got some motivational stickers from Wish and will wrap a notebook I've got in the house in my present box which would have been bought in a sale.

The gifts are also given randomly on the night. Who cares if others buy a Poundland mug or socks?

I do like the idea of spending a tenner on yourself and bringing it in to show off.

I'm still cross at DD's school for choosing to do a secret Santa for each tutor group. A couple of years ago, when DD was in yr 7 so first year/first term at a new school just as new friendships are being made, and DD spent her £5 limit on a small but carefully considered gift for her nominated giftee and in return she received a used art sponge that the other kid had found in school as she couldn't be bothered with secret Santa. DD had been quite excited about her first ever secret Santa, and you could see she was a bit hurt by this... I still don't know why a teacher would think doing secret Santa at school is a good idea. DD has never wanted to take part since.

Secret Santa generally encourages people to buy a load of tat that will soon go to landfill. It is just consumerism gone mad. Just stop participating, or suggest the money that would have been spent is donated to charity instead. That would be truly in the real spirit of Christmas

I was coming on here to say something very similar and you beat me to it (and probably expressed it better, too).

The best kind of Secret Santa is where the rule is "your gift must be the most naff gift you can find that isn't bought from new and isn't more than £5 value".

Sets the bar, and people's expectations, very low.

The other alternative is to bend the rules find out who has selected your name (if it's one of those "pull a name out of the hat" SS), have a sidebar convo with them and both agree what you each want for the right price eg a tenner. I've done that a couple of times and received an Orla Keily hemp tote bag from Sainsbury one year and a nice lavender hand cream another year. My SS partners got some Fatface socks and a sports water bottle. Happy days!

PS my bag was recycled, was that Eco friendly enough

I declined to join in last years work secret santa, everyone else participated and i got called scrooge, bah humbug etc etc. It ended up being a bit of a disaster, someone didnt get a gift and other gifts were a bit naff to say the least.
This year only 5 have put their names down so i do think its happening!

It's a tough one isn't it.. My work this year are good - secret santa but a fiver limit. So hard to find something nice for a fiver! I've got my secret santa a key ring from Clinton cards for 4.99 and while it's nice and I think she'll like it, it's hardly the most amazing present. That's the trouble with such a low limit.

2yes ago with different job max spend was 15 quid and minimum a fiver, which I found much easier!

We have upped the price bracket this year, which is abit annoying, but I think your secret santa had the right idea, you were the one who went over board.