Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I don’t generally give to receive but in the case of secret Santa where you choose to be a part of it, it’s a bit shit to not even spend the minimum required to take part.

Ours is always OK but in your shoes I’d just stop doing it. It’s all very well to say Christmas is about giving and not receiving but it’s CFery of the highest order to happily sit there and take a nice present while you know you’ve bought your recipient total shite that doesn’t even meet the spend suggestion. One year I’d let go but if it happened again I’d tell the organiser I was no longer participating and would tell them exactly why as well. Keep your £15 next year and treat yourself

Off-topic, but why are you doing Secret Santa so early?

We don’t do it at my work (well, my team don’t) as it saves all the pointless shit of spending a fiver on someone, for someone else to spend a fiver on you. At one place I worked (sixth form college) their secret Santa was across the whole college and so you had a high chance of picking someone who you didn’t know anything about. It was also a gift a day for either a week or two weeks (can’t remember which). I didn’t do it but one of my colleagues did and really got into it with the person she got, the person who got her bought her chocolate every day...even though she’s diabetic.

I’m confused didn’t you get your secret Santa a mug and bath stuff? Isn’t that the same quality gift as a mug and chocolate...

I got her a mug that costs £12 (it's Emma Bridgewater), her favourite chocolate (in a large size) and her favourite bath oil, that I know she loves. So no, not the same as a £1 mug and a packet of chocolate buttons from an unbranded multipack

It's all a bit pointless really isn't it... Would be much better if the money was either donated to charity or the whole thing not done at all so people could spend a tenner on treating themselves instead.

It's experiencing things like Secret Santa that have opened my eyes to how useless and pointless most gifts are.

"Ooh Doris! You've got a gift set of strawberry scented toiletries!"
"I'm sure that will do wonders for my thrush."

Also, the way it works is the person you buy a gift for is usually not the person who is buying a gift for you, so it's a bit unfair to feel angry that they got the benefit of your 'thoughtful' gift while giving nothing in return - you have no idea how much thought/time they put into buying the gift for whoever they drew.

But it's definitely a good idea to have a list like the PP said, of three things you like and three you really don't. (My go-to gifts for people I don't know anything about tend to be photo frames. You can't be allergic to them, or offended by them, and they don't have a sell-by date so you could re-gift them if you didn't actually need any more photo frames.)

OK, I know there are one or two cultures that disapprove of photographs of people but it's not that common, and there's always the option of putting in a photo of a lovely sunset or something....

I always had zero expectation for secret Santa. And thank goodness I did, as always appalling!! But I didn’t give a hoot. It’s a bit of a joke. I always spent over and bought proper gifts, but that’s because I love present buying.

As an aside * I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath* seems nice but utterly wasted to me. The mug would have been given to charity as I love my le Creuset ones and don’t like mix matching mugs; I don’t like chocolate; and i never have baths!

seems nice but utterly wasted to me. The mug would have been given to charity as I love my le Creuset ones and don’t like mix matching mugs; I don’t like chocolate; and i never have baths!

The OP said that the recipient was known to like the chocolate and the bubble bath

Our work has never had a "give someone something really that they'd really like" Secret Santa culture.

It's far more about taking the mick and getting the biggest laugh out of the team when they're opened.

Not every gift is fun, but everyone is (not publicly) disappointed to receive a wine and chocs style gift - they'd rather have someone get them something funny.

Mine this year is fantastic.

We did this in our aqua natal group and I have never forgotten the mother who accepted a gift for her child when not giving one herself. She was married to a rich musician so no money worries.

I'd be very towards her from now on but charitable if she has money worries.

I hate Secret Santa. Okay, so sometimes you can opt out, but I've worked in places where you just get given a name and no option, and told you have to spend £20. Sorry, but I wouldn't get a present for colleagues through choice (unless they're a close friend then maybe) and I'm not well off enough to be able to just throw away £20 - sometimes on someone I've barely ever spoken to!

@CactusAndCacti I read that as the poster got cheap chocolate given to her, not that she bought and gave it.

@SunshineCake - it's really not at all uncommon for a woman with a rich husband not to have any money herself. However wonderful her marriage may have looked to you and the group, he might have been abusive and forbidden her to spend money on things he didn't consider important - like Secret Santas or even gifts for the DC.

I stopped joining in years ago. Ours was low budget and I decided that I was fed up with the hassle just to receive a bar of hideous non branded chocolate when I could spend my fiver on something nice for myself!!

I've also usually tried to get something appealing for less than the total spend, because I am not wealthy but good at spotting things that look more costly than they are.

Mind you, I don't get the hate for Bayliss & Harding. I've used some of their stuff and it's nice enough. It usually comes in a pretty box and smells OK, so if you like smellies, why complain about that particular brand?

I've worked in places where you just get given a name and no option

No matter how shit a job is, they can't force you to spend money on a secret santa.

I opt out.
Too many bad experiences.

To be honest the whole festive season at work gives me anxiety and I wish I could opt out of it all.

What is a 'flimsy' mug? Is it cardboard?

I hate Emma Bridgewater stuff so I wouldn't thank you for that.

Isn't it funny how people who start these threads always know exactly how much their gift cost because they have seen it (and memorised it) in Poundland? (Despite the fact that they, personally, only shop in proper naice shops......).
I mean, I actually never go into Poundland, so I have no idea what they sell, but I also don't pretend to have a photographic memory of all their stock.
Interesting to be able to get a £12 mug, nice chocolates and a large bottle of her favourite/known to adore (who talks like that about bath stuff?) bath stuff (bubble bath/oil, try to stick to the story) all for under £20. Good skills OP.

Secret Santa is daft, everyone gets a bit narked one way or another. I always opt out if I can. My last place we had to buy a generic £10 gift which were then given out randomly, luckily I managed to be off-site at an important meeting that day.

One year my husband gave his Secret Santa a toiletries set. Quite a nice one, too. Whoever his was, gave him 2 bricks and a packet of condoms.

He left them behind after their xmas party.

Lol someone gave me gin .. and I'm 7 months pregnant

Oh just remembered that the same year someone used the opportunity to give a colleague with halitosis a bottle of mouthwash.

That was hard to watch, horrible.

You don't give to receive. OP, you sound very grabby. Plus you don't know your colleagues' financial situation, not everyone has a spare £20 to spend on a gift for a colleague they may not even like. And before people go on about opting out, I don't think it's always a solution--who wants to be the awkward person who doesn't get involved and accused of not being a team player or a scrooge?

It's just a bit of a laugh, so expecting so much!

Van Good grief, I don't only shop in 'nice' shops! I love Poundland, and buy a lot of stuff from there. But not presents Unless they're stocking fillers etc.

The budget was at least £10. They didn't spend more than £2. And what's wrong with that is if there's a budget, stick to it or close to it. Don't buy a shit mug that costs £1 and stick in a tiny packet of chocolate buttons.

Good for you that you don't like Emma Bridge, the receiver does. I know what Bath oil it was she liked because it has come up before, not sure why that's so and it's bloody easy as pie to know someone's fave chocolate, it's a conversation I've probably heard 1000 m, "What's your favourite chocolate?"