Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I've only participated in a secret santa a few times but one time my 'gift' was car shampoo and a sponge, still in the tesco bag inside the wrapping. I didn't own a car. I was dropped off at work by my mum (was in my early 20s but at uni doing weekend work so not quite as sad as that sounds). This was a small place who knew a didn't have a car of my own. Made me feel really awkward because it clearly said they didn't give a fuck about me. I was so embarrassed.

It's meant to be a fun gesture. Keep to a fiver for everyone.

I’m confused didn’t you get your secret Santa a mug and bath stuff? Isn’t that the same quality gift as a mug and chocolate...

Never understood this. If you're tight then don't partake. Stop someone spending money on you if you won't for someone else. Scrooges everywhere.

Ah I've given up now, I always put a bit of thought in and in return I have got:
Bottles of cheap white wine 2 years running (I'm tee total following a very embarrassing incident involving white wine that EVERYBODY knows about!)

A school lunch bag made into a reindeer and filled with stuff you'd find around school EG highlighter pen, fun size chocolate.
It was clear they'd forgotten all about it.

We do a team one now and always make an effort to get each other nice stuff.

I’m having to partake this year and I’m dreading it, never even spoke to the guy I got and I just hope someone gets me something simple and generic in return and not a ‘funny’ present.

Not relevant but I’m surprised you’ve already selected, bought and swapped secret Santa gifts before December has even started! Handy as it’s one less thing to think about in December I guess.

I’m opting out this year. Find present buying stressful, and difficult with a low budget other than a Boots set/Bayliss & Harding/parody Ladybird books/mugs/novelty plastic crap. I’m looking forward to treating myself to an item of expensive makeup (also instead of a beauty advent calendar which I’ve also found to be wasteful).

I love the whole Christmassy giving and receiving of gifts, but I really don't like Secret Santas for just the very reasons the OP describes. Over the years on 2 occasions I haven't had anything as my Secret Santa forgot. I will only take part now if it's under £5 / recycle / charity shop theme AND it's a small group of people. The larger the group, the more likely the free loaders come to the fore.

Chocolate for Secret Santa - what's not to like?

The last time I did it (£5 limit) everyone bought wine, so the gift exchange was basically just a wine swap and therefore rather pointless.

I work in a school and Secret Santa is lovely here. We picked names out of a box two weeks ago and have three weeks to bring in the gift and leave it in the 'grotto' a decorated box in the office! We all open them at breaktime the penultimate Friday of term. Spending limit is £10-£15. Las year I had someone I do not know very well so I gave them a lovely champagne glass I filled with Lindt balls and a Christmas candle. She was really pleased with it. I received a lovely scarf in a beautiful colour. People were given a variety of gifts most really well thought out others not so much. The school secretary was given a notebook and pen!! Another member of teaching staff got an out of date bottle of beer, he is a Muslim and does not drink! There were lots of boxes of chocolate! But we all had a laugh and enjoyed the opening. Who knows maybe I will get a duff one this year

I once worked somewhere that had secret Santa every Christmas, limit was £10. I always went over the £10 as I love giving gifts, for 3 years running I didn’t get a gift because the 1st year the girl who was suppose to get me apparently forgot, everyone laughed about it when gifts were being given out and she promised I was owed a present that never turned up. 2nd and 3rd year she actually asked around to who had me so that she could swap her person to me because I never caused a fuss when I didn’t get anything she thought she could get out of it! It was like some big joke between a couple of them. To make it worse the pound shop was opposite us so she could have easily have got something there!
I work in a office now where we just go for lunch altogether which is brilliant and gets us out of work for a few hours! Win win x

If your dh is well known for this cfery then ask him what goes on in his mindset then you will know.
Unfortunately if you can’t beat them join them. There too much scope for change. You can’t have a set max/ min amount.
It should just be a set amount ie 5 OR 10 OR 20
Not 10-20 because if you spend 20 and only get 10 then you’re always going to get upset

I am beginning to warm to the idea of one of the train companies I read about the other day. No Secret Santa and instead they donate to a charity.

This happened at my partners job last year. They spend £10 usually most of them spend more but one guy always tries to spend as little as possible. Last year he bought his secret Santa a pot noodle 🤦🏻‍♀️ quite a few people have opted out this year because of him

I organised a thoughtful gift for my secret santa and received a ginger survival guide joke present back ( am a redhead).

So kind .

We do a £1.00 from the pound shop, it's fun and no one gets offended.

You can ask your DH for some insight into the mindset of how people could be so mean?

In my office you write three things you hate and three things you like. The idea is you don’t get some shitty thing you hate (office is huge and people might not know that you don’t drink, or a vegan etc....) you can put things you are into
Ie running , sports. There is a £10
Limit.

It works as you always get something you like... mine I like to get Prosecco as it helps with the stock for Xmas so I always put that on mine, I hate smellies so put that as a hate

It always happens! I always try and I just get a generic box of chocs well under the limit.

At least you admit to it I guess, but if you can't be bothered don't do it.

We had an anonymous poll in our office this year, how many actually wanted to do secret santa and it came back only 12 out of 35.

The 12 are free to organise something themselves and everyone else is off the hook 😁. We will order some takeaway in and do a Xmas quiz (name that Xmas film from a picture) instead one extended lunchtime for those that wish to have a Xmas themed get together, work will donate a very nice bottle as a prize, we also have a charity raffle with donated prizes (more nice bottles of obsolete/slightly seconds/very drinkable stock as we are a drinks company)

So much unwanted crap is bought at xmas for these secret Santa's and ends up in landfill.

Are you really upset over this? Really? Yabu it's just secret Santa, it's just a bit of fun.

Although is actually a pain in the arse. I'm all for putting the money towards a meal instead.

I just put a No tat message beside my name!!! My colleagues are not easily offended!!😊

Luck of the draw with secret Santa unfortunately. You sound like a nice person who puts effort in but not everyone is as nice or has the time to do as such.
Also it totally depends on who you pick/picks you. I've got a total A-hole to buy for this year so he's not getting anything thoughtful. Last year I got my closest colleague so they got a much nicer gift. It is a bit out if order though that it clearly isn't in the price bracket agreed.
Just try to remember (and I know its hard) that it should be more fun to find and give something nice for your recipient than it is to get something nice so at least you can sleep at night knowing you're a caring person.

That’s really unfair.

They’ve clearly not even spent the minimum needed to take part.
People who don’t want to make the effort/ haven’t got enough spare cash to do so shouldn’t imo.