Secret Santa disappointment, anyone else?

[youcanonlydraftthefuture]

We had a 'minimum' spend in our office of £10. Highest was £20 max.

I spend about £18 and bought my secret Santa a Emma Bridgewater mug, her favourite chocolate and a fancy bubble bath she's well known to adore.

I got... A flimsy mug with cheap chocolates inside.

The previous year (a different office), I was given a pair of socks from Poundland and a small pack of M&M's, the spend limit there was £15.

AIBU to wonder how people can be so mean?

DH is usually well known for this kind of cheeky fuckery, usually re-gifting a naff toiletry set from someone. However, last year he was bought a Peroni glass and beer which he loves so makes the effort now.

I hope my secret Santa likes hers! She loves beauty stuff and is v passionate about environmental issues. I got her a gift set from the beauty kitchen which comes with adoption of a seahorse for 4 months and is all packed in a tin/cardboard etc

I still want to know why you've exchanged gifts already! Do you none of you work in December?!

PurBal’s Secret Santa rule is great.
I personally don’t see any point to Secret Santa, it always feels like you have to do it and it’s mostly meaningless.

That’s why I don’t do secret Santa anymore. The amount of shite I’ve been gifted in the past is disgraceful.

Lisa it is a bit random, isn't it? Nobody at work seemed to deem it odd. And lots of people were there at the same location celebrating their Christmas work do's!

Impersonally would choose December for one

ClientListQueen, is it a good range? I did ask on the Style board about this brand a while back but nobody commented - I love their philosophy but not sure if the products actually do anything.

My apologies to everyone as this is not related to the thread

I don't partake and haven't in years because I really don't find the 'funny' and 'a laugh' gifts funny and CBA'd with tightarses or CFers. Virtue signalling works well here if you're new to the team, 'Christmas is a time of charity and worship to me, ' or something suitably smarmy and pious (I don't believe in god, FWIW, or religion) gets you off the hook even if they roll their eyes, at least you won't be landed with another sweary tea mug or willie chocolates.

A lot of people use SS to be cruel at work, I've found, or super inappropriate (I worked abroad for about 10 years and you'd be in big trouble giving people penis themed stuff or lingerie or some of the other stuff I've heard of on here).

It's much better to go out for lunch and spend it on booze.

I would be annoyed OP.

Who organised it. The lady in my office that does it would be furious if that had happened and would be making sure everyone knew about it.

Like the year we had a ten pound budget and the senior partner gave me a fiver. Yes a fiver.

@youcanonlydraftthefuture

I honestly would not be spending more than 3 quid on something from B & M or Home Bargains.

As a pp said, you sound like a nice thoughtful person, but spending a lot and going to great lengths to find something nice and special, and then harbouring resentful thoughts about someone else not making the same amount of effort, (and spending less money,) is quite unhealthy.

I know it seems unfair in some ways, but maybe this person cannot afford it, or like me and many others, only spends around a fiver (or less) on a Secret Santa gift.

The Martin Lewis Money Show was on the other day, and he said 'to spend a lot on someone (apart from DH and children) is actually quite thoughtless and selfish in some ways, because you are then placing the onus on them to spend the same on you.'

Many people cannot afford to spend a lot, and even if they can, they may not want to. So whilst you are making yourself feel good with your generosity, you could inadvertently be putting unnecessary pressure on someone else, and making them feel a bit shit.

2 years ago, they did Secret Santa at DH's workplace, and he was the only one of 18 people to get nothing (as the person who drew his name didn't bother.) He said he was quite pissed off and a bit embarrassed when he was the only one of 18 at the works 'Last Day Before Christmas Buffet' without a gift.

No-one would admit to being the one who picked him, but he did find out a few weeks later, that it was 'Michelle' who had started about 6 months earlier.

Turns out 'Michelle' was someone who borrows money and other items and never gives it back, cadges lifts off anyone and everyone (and never offers petrol money,) and always looks busy at work, but is often doing very little, and expecting other people to carry her.

So pretty much a selfish twat anyway. She left last November though, (and isn't missed!)

Still, I think the office manager (who suggested the Secret Santa) should have checked all 18 people had a gift. One being left out like that was just horrible.

So you would have a valid complaint if you got nothing, but I don't think you do now to be honest.........

(DH refused to take part the following year. He did last year though, and did get a gift this time! I think he is doing it this year too.

This is why I hate secret santa. I try not to do it at all but if I really feel I can't say no then I do not get my hopes up at all. It's always crap tat and there's always someone who gets something wonderfully thoughtful and lovely which puts everyone else to shame. The worst thing is when my tutor group want to do it. I've actually banned it now. So much heartache, upset and fighting when someone is invariably forgotten, someone ends up with a £1 bit of tat from poundland and someone else gets a gift clearly over the agreed limit. Plus every year I have to have stash of emergency gifts to try to make up the shortfall so I end up out of pocket too. Absolute nightmare.

I can see it being done in school (max £5) but ridiculous at work. Much rather put that £15-20 towards a nice lunch or better yet towards my own family!

I can't stand the office secret santa, I don't know why offices do it. It's embarrassing. One place I worked at they made a huge deal out of it at the christmas lunch and you had to go up and collect your gift one by one from 'Santa'. Another office me and another colleague received nothing, whoever had pulled us out didn't bother to put anything in, it was so awkward and it left us both wondering whether they couldn't be arsed or simply didn't like us and then who was it?

@Branster lovely and there's currently 70% off so... < enables >

Ola I just re-read it, I did read it wrong.

Apologies.

@PurBal

I think I work with you 🤣🤣🤣

I thought secret santas were just supposed to be a bit of fun? Me and work mates have a budget of £5 and normally either get each other jokey presents or cadburys milk trays. That way no one is really spending more than they can afford either.

Maybe the person who bought yours couldn't afford to spend £20. Especially on top of all her other christmas expenses.

I stopped participating for this reason. Plus we have to open our gifts while sitting in a large circle, one at a time , watched by everyone else. I consider myself able to fake gratitude very well, but even I struggled last year when I opened a Poundland soap and hand cream. Spend was £10 and I bought a decent bottle of wine and some chocs for my person.

Last year we decided to spend a tenner........on ourselves! We picked a day and time slot brought in what we had bought to treat ourselves and had some cakes and hot chocolate at work. It may sound a bit sad to some people but we're doing it again!

They didn't spend more than £2.

You do know, of course you do, that stuff Poundland sell is also sold in other places, so your 'Santa' may have spent more than £1 on the "flimsy" mug?

I can honestly say I have never had a conversation at work about my 'favourite chocolate', not that I have favourite chocolates anyway. I also don't have a favourite bath oil/foam, nor shower gel (I actually don't use them) so I would not be having that conversation either. I use soap, but I don't have a favourite. And if I did, there is no way my work colleagues would know.

Odd that you have managed to have thousands of such conversations - have you considered getting a hobby?

I hate secret Santa for many reasons. I love buying gifts and put a lot of thought and effort into buying something nice that they will like but most people don’t really bother. Last time I took part in secret Santa I didn’t get my gift, turned out my boss was my secret Santa and she had forgot, she did eventually give me a gift which was something she probably re gifted and I couldn’t use (due to sensitive skin).

If the budget was £10 - £20 then they should have at least spent £10.

I would be cross too OP. The minimum budget should be stuck to or people shouldn’t take part. Very greedy to accept a gift whilst not adhering to the agreed spend.

I used to work somewhere that did Secret Santa, it was a £10 limit, but everyone wrote down 3 items under their name - then when you picked a name, you chose one of the items on their list. Meant everyone got something they actually wanted, but it was still a bit of a surprise. Was probably the only Secret Santa I've done that was popular.

I only ever partook in two secret santas. Both equally shit. I vowed from then on, to opt out. I loved watching colleague open their tatty presents of willy sweets, rude aprons and (regifted) shower gels. Much prefer to spend this money on myself (and the homeless hub on gloves, socks and chocs for their christmas meal).

The problem is a maximum" spend. It should be "spend £10" or spend £20"

The only ones I like are £1 secret Santa’s so if you get a crap present you don’t feel so bad. However I’ve have some of the best and most useful presents from £1 SS: mini panettone, flower shaped candle, changing colour coaster, lip balm, cloth tote bag, mini bottle of Prosecco. I do like SS it feels Christmassy to give and receive but I like it as a gesture