Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

[Potatopots]

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

If there was no other behavioural issues, then i would not be immediately or overly concerned over a relatively safe drug like ecstacy, but I definitely think it warrants a discussion about being sensible and safe and taking precautions

61 under 29s died of ecstasy year 27 of them were under 20,

Now I know to some people on here that’s nothing, they don’t care that 27 Under 20s died because taking drugs is fun

It’s fun until it’s your own child or someone you know who dies, the girl in the photo is just 14 - great fun, I sometimes can’t believe the fucking crap which is spouted on here

Homeless people aren’t some kind of Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come interactive display, you know, just sitting there waiting to share their mistakes so others can learn. How fucking patronising

Quite

@Potatopots not ideal, but not that surprising. Your DD has run off out to give herself time to be able to come up with her “strategy”. That gives you time to think about yours.

Some advice above imo won’t be helpful - realistically you need to talk about staying safe - not trying to scare her with tales of death and psychosis.

Well the good news is she had them , as opposed to taking one

It’s a very scary moment , and it’s natural to be very concerned after reading the stories . But for every death , addict etc there as more people that take recreational drugs and are just fine

I don’t mean you should ignore it but don’t assume that a life of addiction is ahead . I would read that drugs website first (Frank) and have a very calm chat . Share your natural concerns and have a Conversation as opposed to a raging session

This is far More like to get you what you need which is reassurances and discussion around the risks

@Cecilandsnail Imagine it. 🤣👏

Well the good news is she had them , as opposed to taking one

How could you or OP possibly know she hasn't taken any? Do they only come in packs of two or something? lol

@Evilspiritgin your username is apt - 33 children are admitted to hospital ebery day for alcohol related problems.

Now if your 17 was drinking alcohol - you wouldn’t go in saying “don’t do it” you’d have an adult talk about how to drink responsibly- the same needs to be done here.

Please don't minimise drugs.

My DB at 11 ... sniffed glue, 13...weed, 15 ... LSD, 16 ... Cocaine, 17 .. crack and by 18 a full blown heroin addict. He was in active addiction for 16 years. An absolute hopeless drug addict.

Obviously this is the pure illness of addiction.

He is now 3 years clean and sober. He now works for the Amy Winehouse Foundation delivering talks to teenagers on taking recreational drugs.

If he could turn back the clock he would NEVER have tried drugs.

By the way ... he was privately educated and never homeless.

61 under 29s died of ecstasy year 27 of them were under 20,

Now I know to some people on here that’s nothing, they don’t care that 27 Under 20s died because taking drugs is fun

Hi Evilspiritgin,

I don't think anyone is denying that people die from drug use. It doesn't stop it being fun. Quite a lot of fun things are potentially deadly. I'll leave you to check the death statistics for alcohol use - they're in the same place you'll find the ONS statistics on deaths relating to drug poisoning, and they're very much higher.. You can check deaths from plane crashes, horse riding and skiing while you're there.

You can have endless conversations about the dangers, but they won't listen because thousands are taken every weekend with no bad effects.

A battle about risks, dangers, deaths etc won't work, unfortunately.

Explain it all once. Discuss it once. But then use "under my house, under my rules" here. You will not allow drugs in your home. You are telling her that you do not allow her to take drugs. If she chooses to still do so, and she is found out, then there are penalties. You must carry out those penalties. If she does this at 18, then the penalty becomes much more severe.

A chat about the risks once she’s calmed down would be a good place to start, but realistically if her friends are taking them it’s likly that she will too. As someone said above, id try and have an open conversation (without emotions or anger) and then buy her a drugs testing kit on the understanding that if she is going to use drugs then you want to enduse she’s at protected as possible.

No one ever thinks it’till be them to die, but it’s worth finding those news stories of people who had adverse reactions to the rubbish they put in coke and pills.

Above all, you want to make sure she feels that she can talk to you if she needs to.

Now I know to some people on here that’s nothing, they don’t care that 27 Under 20s died because taking drugs is fun

It’s fun until it’s your own child or someone you know who dies, the girl in the photo is just 14 - great fun, I sometimes can’t believe the fucking crap which is spouted on here

I don't think anybody thinks it's nothing. It's just about perspective isn't it?

Young adults often engage in risk-taking behaviour. It's very, VERY common. I know two people who died young. One fell off a building when drunk (rooftop bar) and another took a corner too fast on a country lane. Both tragic, both horrible losses for their families, both preventable, in a way. But what can you do? Scream and rant at your 17-21 year old kids every time they drive car? Or go out drinking on a Friday night? Like that would work! You have to try to inform them of the real risks of their behaviour and let them see how worried you are, and hope they make more smart choices than stupid ones.

She can take an ecstasy every weekend for five years and be fine.

Then take one the next weekend and die.

Ecstacy is just too risky.

Please don't minimise drugs

My DB at 11 ... sniffed glue, 13...weed, 15 ... LSD, 16 ... Cocaine, 17 .. crack and by 18 a full blown heroin addict. He was in active addiction for 16 years. An absolute hopeless drug addict

I'm sorry to hear that but you must surely realise that using anecdotes will not change anyone's mind? Have you seen the number of alcoholics on the streets? Does that stop anyone from drinking alcohol? No, because in most cases that's not what happens!

People become addicted to drugs and alcohol to self medicate from their trauma. Happy well adjusted people do not go on to become drug addicts.

I work with people who have long history's of drug abuse. The gateway to drug addiction is neglect, trauma, abuse and unhappiness. Experimenting with drugs as a teen or young adult is not the gateway.

If your child feels loved, wanted and that they belong somewhere they will not go on to become drug addicts after doing pills for a small short period in their life. So no I really wouldn't worry about my dd doing pills as I'm actually a pretty decent mother and my dd feels loved and wanted.

It amazes me how many people are so relaxed about their kids taking drugs. It's a big laugh until it is your kid dead.

Any I found would be destroyed. I will not have drugs in my house.

How you deal with this is your own business. But I would advise against going in guns blazing with the whole "drugs are bad" talk. At this age she'll just find the talk condescending. Try and have an open discussion with her, about what you've found without getting confrontational.
I never experimented with drugs as a teenager but my partner did. He's now a responsible dad of 30 who doesn't smoke, let alone take drugs. So this may very well be a phase, and she may not move on to anything harder.
I would make sure your daughter understands how to stay safe if she does continue to take ecstasy. Ideally she won't take them again, but if she does, at least she can have the information needed to stay as safe as she can.

Agree @StarClaws I just hope my brothers story would save even one person from going down this path.

Also, alcoholics are not just on the streets, they are normal people that led normal lives, alcohol gave them relief from inner turmoil. But ultimately the alcohol takes over. My DM is 12 years sober through 12 steps, again a family that had everything but on the inside she was dying through emotional pain. Was never on the streets thou.

My story is extreme, granted. But it's always worth telling if it slightly makes someone think twice.

My honest opinion is alcohol is definitely worse than drugs, I have seen both nearly kill close family members. But alcohol is far easier to get hold of.

Apologies I'm having a morose moment myself.

People become addicted to drugs and alcohol to self medicate from their trauma. Happy well adjusted people do not go on to become drug addicts.

This has been my observation too. I'd be much more worried about people using drugs to deaden emotional pain than to have a good time. Ketamine, cannabis, opioids (and I'm afraid alcohol) tend to be the drugs of choice for those who are on the road to self destruction, because they numb pain, not ecstasy.

Massively agree with you @danadas

Have you all also forgotten that if a woman takes drugs / is known to take drugs (even just pills, she doesnt have to be a junkie) she will have her baby taken off her at birth into permanent care / adoption, and if she gets pregnant again then it will happen repeatedly. That isn't true at all.

Yes a bad batch can kill. Falling downstairs can kill. Driving can kill. Crossing the road even using a zebra or pelican can kill. Cancer can kill. Terrorists can kill. Loads of things can kill. Saying it like that to a teen isn't helpful though is it.

Absolutely @TriangularRatbag

So sorry to hear your story @aggitatedstate - thanks for sharing it with us

She's doing something illegal. She's bringing drugs into your home. Other people seem to be completely fine with this but I sure as hell wouldn't be.