Help- found ecstasy in dd’s room

[Potatopots]

At a loss on what to do. Dd went out last night and took my house key with her (she lost hers)- I’m heading out now and couldn’t find my key on the hook so checked her jacket pocket and found my key as well as a baggie containing 2 ecstasy pills. She’s still asleep but what do I do? Wake her up and confront her? Wait until she’s woken up and ask her about them? Leave them on her bedside table for her to see when she wakes up and see what she does before I ask her?

I don't want to be the parent they lie to when the shit hits the fan because they're scared how angry I'll be
Me too. I always tell DD if in trouble call me my first response will be to help you.
I'll give DS the speech as she grows.

What’s the update op? Hope you’ve kept calm. Anger will alienate, talking can educate.

Another vote for not being sucked into the moral panic. For better or worse, it's widespread, and was common among my social group, and still goes on. Ecstasy or MDMA is sociable, very good fun and has a very low risk indeed, especially if the person taking it has some basic knowledge. I really wouldn't be too worried about it. In my view the most realistic parenting strategy would be keeping channels of communication open, and talking about harm reduction. The tonne-of-bricks route won't work.

And - in response to previous posters responding to what I wrote about pills being sociable and fun.

The fact is ecstasy is fun. People would not take it if they did not enjoy themselves on it. Taking the approach of just say no compared to understanding that some drugs are fun and make people feel happier (even if there are no challenges in that YPs life) is naive. Drugs are fun, they wouldn't be used otherwise!

Oh I feel for you OP. I only have little DC but I'm dreading this.

I was absolutely a "good, middle class" girl growing up. I took ecstasy a few times at university, my parents would be mortified now if they found out (I think) and I'm a 31 responsible (ish) parent. I don't know how I would've responded is my parents had found them in my coat. I don't suppose I would've listened, kids do what kids want to do.

I think the best advice is what pp have said about having a word, make it clear you are unhappy/disappointed. And then advice on safe using. But equally strongly trying to deter her. It's a tough gig this parenting malarkey.

Ecstasy or MDMA is sociable, very good fun and has a very low risk indeed, especially if the person taking it has some basic knowledge. I really wouldn't be too worried about it

This is one of those things where “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing”.

It is not low risk if you die. And people do die. When you put that tablet in your mouth you are playing roulette- you could have a low risk evening or your body could react and you die. Know way of knowing.

I had a patient once studying pharmacology, who knew one of the dangers was your heart rate going up. So he took a common drug that reduces heart rate and blood pressure with the mdma- not realising that left a chemical pathway unregulated and he died after his blood pressure dropped to unrecordable.

The effects on the biochemistry are well known. It’s complicated. “Basic knowledge” doesn’t help, and can make things worse.

I work in housing and it’s rare to find a street homeless people who isn’t a drug user in my city. I don’t think that’s ignorant to say. Drugs ruin people.

I work in housing and it’s rare to find a street homeless people who isn’t a drug user in my city. I don’t think that’s ignorant to say. Drugs ruin people

Is it a chicken/egg situation though?

Is it the drugs that put them on the street, or did they turn to drugs after being made homeless?

Are there any stats?

@Timinfuckingruislip thank you for putting that. Genuinely. Stupid statements like that continually put the blame on victims, it's fucking ridiculous. And it needs to be called out more often.

1 girl who was raped at a party because she was under the influence of drugs.

Please tell me you don't actually believe this?

Some people find drugs fun, others enjoy the escape from reality.
They're the ones who become addicted.
Many young people take a cocktail of drugs on top of their E. Then the cone come down avoided who take valium or xanax to come down.
It is a messy road.
You know your DD is she an escaper if so then their is cause for concern.
Many of the older E heads became professionals, many of those professionals are still using cocaine and other drugs recreationally.

*there

Talk to your daughter, tell her the dangers, the thing is all this sort of stuff can end up causing mental health problems, has she been taking other stuff?

Leah Betts

Let her have some breakfast first so you don't inadvertently start a difficult conversation with a hungry teen

Well this will prove whether she took any pills last night or not. If she did, she will not wake up hungry, I doubt she'll be able to face food until at least 5pm this evening 😦

Leah Betts

That was a tragic case.

Have spoken to her and it hasn’t gone very well. I waited until she had eaten as a poster helpfully pointes out that a hungry teen won’t be the most reasonable and then showed her the bag and asked what they were.
Her first reaction was to get angry at me for ‘going through her stuff’ and then gave out the expected lie of them being a friend’s. I told her I won’t believe that as can remember countless times of me using that line on my parents and asked her again whether they were hers but she stormed out (having just got out of bed) and has not come back or answered her phone

I would take and bin the pills, l would wake her up, tell her you have a very important place to take her, and take her to have a chat with the locals who are homeless..If in London, Victoria station area is a good one to start.

That's a bit rude. Not all homeless people are "druggys"
Don't do that OP.

Please don’t talk to her like you’re an idiot - it will be hard to keep your anxiety down, I know.
You have one chance to have a conversation she’ll listen to and respect you for. If you start blathering on about homeless people, psychosis and heroin addiction she will keep taking drugs but you will be shut out and pitied.

Talk to her about using drugs safely and drug testing kits.
Millions of people use MDMA safely every year. Help her to become one of them.
Speak to her at a later date about how some people get caught in a drugs loop. Educate yourself massively before that conversation. Be very measured and highly rational be bang up to date with your info.

She lives under your roof.
She is 17.
She would have been told she just lost the privilege to any privacy.
And if she was found with anything else illegal the police will be called.
Sure there are less harsh ways but I have found these to be effective.
I raised 4.
Not easy but you will get through it OP.

I honestly wouldn't be worried if my dd was taking pills. They are not addictive, they are fun and sociable.

Wtaf

I honestly wouldn't be worried if my dd was taking pills. They are not addictive, they are fun and sociable.

Mother of the year goes to you🏆

If wake her up and take one in front of her. Let her have to look after you while you ping about, talking rubbish and giving her hugs. She'll realise how fucking stupid it is and you can have a mini rave in your kitchen. I'm only half joking.

@Cecilandsnail I shouldn’t be giggling at that

Talk to her. Calmly. Say you're worried.