Am I selfish to ask DH not to work away the weekend of our DD's birthday party..??

[FairFam]

Am I being unreasonable?
I feel so upset, sad & let down.
DH said I'm pathetic for being annoyed.
It's our DD birthday party (Sat) followed by 6 extra kids staying for a sleepover.
I work full-time, and when DH mentioned he'd been asked to work certain dates, I immediately told him to let them know he couldn't do that weekend due to DD party etc. He has always been at every birthday party, and felt upset at the thought of doing it all on my own, without DH by my side. So sad for our DD that her Dad not there.
Leading up to it he was annoyed with me for asking him not to go, then he said he'd been offered more money to go.. we do desperately need the money! This is his reasoning for why he should go..
I still feel upset and deserted at the thought of him going, so still asked him not to go, but he is just angry at me, telling me to stop being so selfish as we need the money....

Am I being pathetic & selfish?

It really would help to know what ages the dc are

Why?

Because obviously a sleepover with a bunch of 8 year olds will be a lot harder than a sleepover with a bunch of 14 year olds

sleep overs are awful noisy affairs, he has the right idea op

I agree that the age of the DC is relevant for reasons already stated. But whether they're 6yo or 16yo, surely if OP's DH has to work he has to work?

where is op anyway ? i for one, am interested to hear their take on the responses.

so presumably he isn't missing her actual birthday

Even if he was, so what? The man needs to work, because the family need the money. Plenty of parents have jobs which mean they miss particular dates. Maybe it's just me, but birthdays aren't THAT important. And certainly for a child (definitely depending on their age) they'd much prefer their friends be available than their dad!! If it came down to a date that suited dad, or that suited BFF, BFF would win everytime!!

It's a party. Once a year. Get on with it. The man has a job, that he needs, and that he needs to be available for. If he's working away and they have offered him more money he would be crazy to refuse it. Because then, he might not be offered hours or more money in future.

@ltk I thought the same about the C list guests! I didn’t comment on that, in case OP meant that they had 6 extra overnight - and that was the full party. Acceptable to send home younger cousins attending a party, that sort of thing. But if it were classmates? No way would I do that. My daughter has been invited to some parties where there has also been a smaller sleepover - in all cases, it’s been a different weekend exactly because it’s shit to be sent home when others are excited about the sleepover - which in my experience is THE highlight.

YANBU to want an extra pair of hands to deal with hosting a sleepover party for a houseful of children.

But this:
"He has always been at every birthday party, and felt upset at the thought of doing it all on my own, without DH by my side. So sad for our DD that her Dad not there."

is very weepy and melodramatic ("by my side", "so sad for dd") so if that's how you phrased it to him, it is rather feeble.

I agree that the age of the DC is relevant for reasons already stated. But whether they're 6yo or 16yo, surely if OP's DH has to work he has to work?

Yes I agree.

And also if it's the sleepover part that the OP is mainly worried about, they can always do that the weekend after the party.

If you really need the money...

But, calling you pathetic? That takes away every ounce of credibility and turns it RIGHT round into it being far more likely he's a total arse who'd actually rather be away with work than helping with a sleepover.

I would feel completely the same as you

Idk, when we did sleepovers for our daughter they were the easiest parties tbh.

Something frozen in the oven that we kept half an eye on & then spent the time in another room watching telly.

How old is your DD and is her actual birthday on the weekend? If her birthday is in the week and it’s only her party on the weekend I see no need for your DP to be there. If it’s her actual birthday I would feel more reason for her to be around, but if you need the money he could video call her to say happy birthday on the day and do something special with her when he gets back. He doesn’t need to be at the party/ sleepover as it’s going to be all about her friends and I doubt she’ll care if her Dad is there or not when she’s excited to have 6 friends sleeping over.

My DH has ‘a headache’ for every single birthday party. It really annoys me. But I’ve learned to expect him to refuse to help so it’s no longer an issue (it was a problem the first few times though when he said he’d do things but didn’t).

@Velveteenfruitbowl that’s not the situation the OP describes though - her husband has been present for every previous party. But this one, he’s been offered enhanced pay and they’re desperate for money.

He’s not lying to her to get out of it. He’s (on the basis of the scant info of the OP) potentially a decent man. Your husband clearly isn’t. So sad that you’re married to a man who has ground you down to accepting such low expectations of Surprised you use “D” there!