Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Upset by people calling DS naughty

147 replies

Cocomelon9902 · 29/11/2019 18:56

Naughty... I don't like the word...

Today my DS threw his toy phone on the floor a few times, and my nan called him naughty, and put the toy away.

AIBU being upset over this...
Shes 84, so I know a lot of things she says I just nod and agree, it isn't worth the hassle.
But he's only 1, I don't think he's naughty!

OP posts:

donttellmetwice · 29/11/2019 21:39

@Rockingdahorse I'm not sure why you care so much about my option? I studied at university for 4 of those 6 years.

What you have said in your post is exactly what I'm saying. Throwing is naughty, as is hitting. Those are actions that the child needs to understand are wrong. At no point have I said there shouldn't be consequences for the lo's actions. But labelling a child as a 'naughty child' can have long lasting negative effects. It becomes an expectation of the child by the child.
This isn't the case for each and every child but can be the case for some and I don't think using the word naughty is needed.

Again my background is education and you won't find the word naughty used in many schools, if any. This is a domestic environment. I gave my thoughts to op based on my experience.

You don't have to agree with my opinion. I don't think there is a need to get into such a state about the opinion of someone you don't know.

Butchyrestingface · 29/11/2019 21:41

OP is so overcome by the whole ordeal she hasn’t come back to the thread.

I do hope she’s alright.

Daisy7654 · 29/11/2019 21:57

Your baby was being naughty. Naughty means badly behaved in a childish malice less way.
If you pander him to be a little terror it will do him no favours.

Daisy7654 · 29/11/2019 22:03

@donttellmetwice
It's used ALL the time in schools!
Ideally though, as you say, it's made clear that its the behaviour that's naughty not the child.
Are you just an academic with no real world experience of pupil teacher interaction?

PS it's not immoral to give a child boundaries.

donttellmetwice · 29/11/2019 22:09

@Daisy7654 wow what an assumption. I've worked with children for the past 15 years. The last 4 as a primary school teacher. Never been used in the 4 schools I've worked in, nor by any friend who are teachers. As I said though many,if not all schools, not definitely all schools.
Boundaries are paramount for young children to grow and learn, absolutely agree.

The op's little one is a year old. I don't think calling them naughty and taking the toy away will teach them how to use the toy properly. Yes op said lo threw it a few times and perhaps nan was teaching him how to use it and he continued, I would also take the toy away in that situation.

TrainspottingWelsh · 29/11/2019 22:11

Well, if we're going on how many years experience someone has to decide if the word naughty is acceptable, I would suggest 4yrs theoretical study is trumped by an 84yr old with a lifetime of practical experience.

TheCanterburyWhales · 29/11/2019 22:15

I've been teaching for 25 and have never worked in a school where "naughty" wasn't used if it were the right word.

We've all had to read the psychobabble during our training courses.

Bourbonbiccy · 29/11/2019 22:16

I think some are missing the point of others.

The people who dislike/ don't use the word "Naughty" does not mean they don't set clear boundaries or discipline their children, they just don't use the word naughty, no big deal, everyone agrees that boundaries need setting and these need to be instilled early. It's just a different choice of word to do that

eddiemairswife · 29/11/2019 22:18

It might be helpful for us older contributors if someone could make a list of the words that should not be used to describe a child's behaviour.

Ghostoast · 29/11/2019 22:20

I use naughty for my 3. But then again I don't like all this gentle parenting stuff as I've found those kids are usually the naughty ones!

LittleTopic · 29/11/2019 22:22

@annielennoxstuckinmyhead the baby or the Nan? 😂

AuntVictoria · 29/11/2019 22:22

One year olds can definitely be naughty! DS is 17 months and if I say no to, for example, him eating yet another banana, he'll look round send intentionally find things to throw. This is because I've taught him that it's wrong to throw things and he's testing boundaries. It's very normal and he's not a naughty child but it is naughty behaviour!

I tell DS no and I take the toy off of him. If he gets upset I give him a cuddle and empathise, but I don't give in. I didn't realise before this post that taking a toy off of him was borderline abusive

heartsonacake · 29/11/2019 22:22

YABU. Your son is being naughty. The fact that it might not be intentional is irrelevant.

Daisy7654 · 29/11/2019 22:24

Is the phrase 'unacceptable behaviour' as in "that was unacceptable behaviour, Billy, when you pulled out Aqsa's hair", so much better??
Hardly child friendly language !

doritosdip · 29/11/2019 22:29

A child being naughty vs a child's behaviour being naughty is a difference in speech that has developed between me being a child (70s) and my kids being born (00s) I never really thought about it but it's a subtle but important difference.

I doubt your nan meant that he's a child who's always doing naughty things and will be doing naughty things forever. Maybe next time tel her that you hope he'll be bowing for England or something to divert the conversation.

Original poster

Cocomelon9902 · 29/11/2019 22:30

@Bourbonbiccy exactly that...
He's 14months fgs... I just don't think it's needed. Its not like he was having a tantrum and throwing toys in a temper.
Just throwing in a playful way, that isn't naughty.

And just because I won't call my child naughty, doesn't mean he won't have boundaries!

OP posts:

OpheliaBee · 29/11/2019 22:31

The phrase ‘that was naughty’ Is commonplace in our house. Usually it means ‘you are being a complete shit when I’ve asked you not to do something.’ And refers to wilful acts of defiance. Say what you like, my one year or knows perfectly well that some things aren’t okay and does them anyway. He isn’t going to die because I’ve told him some things are not okay.

doritosdip · 29/11/2019 22:31

It won't be long before he does something even though he knows it's not allowed. Toddlers love to test our reactions by throwing stuff, emptying cupboards....

Original poster

Cocomelon9902 · 29/11/2019 22:32

And only on MN... Seriously...
You'd really Cut contact with an 84 year old family member? 🤣

I'm not exactly worked up about it... Just wondered whst others thought... Shouldn't have expected any less really from the harsh critics of MN! 🙈

OP posts:

thatguiltyfeeling · 29/11/2019 23:15

Nurseries don't use the word naughty anymore. They're supposed to say things like "that was the wrong choice" "kind hands" "oh dear we don't do that with our toys" so frustrating

LolaSmiles · 29/11/2019 23:22

They're supposed to say things like "that was the wrong choice" "kind hands" "oh dear we don't do that with our toys" so frustrating
I have friends in early years and it makes me laugh hearing some of the crap they have to say.
I'm fairly sure a 4 year old knows it's wrong to repeatedly charge after another child, kick them and shove them because they didn't give you the toy on demand, and yet my friends have to say things like "When we are at nursery we use kind hands and feet. We're you being kind to Daniel when you kicked him? No so I understand you wanted the toy but we mustn't push or shove. We must be kind and ask nicely".

Reality with their own kids: "DC2, stop it. You do not kick your brother. It's naughty".

OrangeSlices998 · 29/11/2019 23:23

This woman is 84, she is not going to be in his life for very long

This genuinely made me chuckle! Oh MN. Never change ❤️

heartsonacake · 29/11/2019 23:25

Just throwing in a playful way, that isn't naughty.

Yes it is, OP. Your son was naughty; throwing is never good or positive.

Nurseries don't use the word naughty anymore. They're supposed to say things like "that was the wrong choice" "kind hands" "oh dear we don't do that with our toys" so frustrating

And that’s exactly why we have the snowflake generation.

Tigger001 · 29/11/2019 23:25

OP it's fine that you dont like the word naughty and dont choose to use it.

I'm sure your child will be educated in what's right and wrong, just in the way you want to do it.

As if by not using the word Naughty you are just going to sit back and let them do as they please 😂😂 ridiculous assumption.

I think maybe just see at as the norm for some and let your nan off.

He isnt going to die because I've told him something is wrong

Of course he wont as everyone on here is agreeing, you can tell them something is wrong without choosing to use the word naughty, if that what some choose to do.

ddl1 · 29/11/2019 23:26

I don't like the term for a child as young as 16 months; but I don't think it's a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If she exploded furiously at him, and terrified him, that would be different; but not just the word. Certainly the idea of one or two posters that this would be a justification for keeping away from the grandmother seems like a shocking over-reaction.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6