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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upset by people calling DS naughty

147 replies

Cocomelon9902 · 29/11/2019 18:56

Naughty... I don't like the word...

Today my DS threw his toy phone on the floor a few times, and my nan called him naughty, and put the toy away.

AIBU being upset over this...
Shes 84, so I know a lot of things she says I just nod and agree, it isn't worth the hassle.
But he's only 1, I don't think he's naughty!

OP posts:

Rockingdahorse · 29/11/2019 21:03

I can't stand the word.

why?

Babyg1995 · 29/11/2019 21:06

Only on mn

GrumpyHoonMain · 29/11/2019 21:09

If he was being naughty he needs to know why. The only thing your gran did wrong was not giving a full explanation like ‘stop being naughty - we don’t throw our toys like that. You could get hurt’. Every child needs to be talked to like that when they are being told off and eventually they will understand why they doing something wrong.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 29/11/2019 21:11

So we can't call children who are being naughty naughty now then.

Shit. I must apologise to all my nieces and nephews who I used that word towards many many times in the last 25 years. Last time with my 21 year old niece last Sunday........I'll buy them all vouchers for the local psychotherapist for Christmas.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 29/11/2019 21:12

TheCanterburyWhales · 29/11/2019 21:12

I bet there's a scientific study somewhere that proves beyond any MN fluffery speak that the children of parents who don't like them being called naughty get called naughty a helluva lot more than children whose parents don't have a problem with their kids being called naughty when they're, y'know, naughty. Because if nobody ever tells you you're being naughty, then you're going to grow up thinking naughty isn't a problem aren't you?

GimmeBread · 29/11/2019 21:14

Ur babe ur rulz hun ❤️❤️❤️

littlepaddypaws · 29/11/2019 21:15

this is a non issue it really is, breaking contact, really? some people would really do this ?

MIdgebabe · 29/11/2019 21:17

cant stand the word

What word would you use to indicate to a child that something really isn't acceptable?

Topseyt · 29/11/2019 21:17

There is nothing wrong with the word naughty.

If mine threw things when they were that age I would say firmly "No, that's naughty" and take it from them. Oddly enough, they all seem to have survived unscathed. They are not scarred for life.

Yes, children can be naughty. They test the boundaries. We set and enforce those boundaries each time they try it on.

It is just a word she used. She wasn't wrong. I wouldn't be bothered by it. No need to get worked up.

donttellmetwice · 29/11/2019 21:17

@JellyfishAndShells There's no need to be rude. It's certainly not absurd imo and there are many a study about the negative connotations around the word. Lots of which I read during my 6 years of training in early childhood.

@73Sunglasslover The difference is you are labelling the behaviour not the child. Small but very significant difference. Although again that's my option (formed by lots of research).

Rockingdahorse · 29/11/2019 21:19

Although again that's my option (formed by lots of research).

Did your research include the damage caused by a permissive parenting style?

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 29/11/2019 21:21

OP, I mean this in the very kindest way. If you’re all worked up about your 84 year old using the word naughty you’ve got a loooong, stressful parenting time ahead of you. YABU.

wildcherries · 29/11/2019 21:23

This is MN parallel universe territory. Cutting contact for this would be a huge overreaction. If you're upset, tell her not to use the word around your son.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 29/11/2019 21:23

The world and their precious children have gone mad.

donttellmetwice · 29/11/2019 21:23

@Rockingdahorse many types of parenting styles. All of the children I have and do care for have clear boundaries and rules. Just because I don't label a child naughty doesn't mean they misbehave

billy1966 · 29/11/2019 21:24

@RichTwoTurkeyFriend

Honestly OP, this is good advice.

It's a generational thing. Probably no harm meant.

Take care💐

Penguin34 · 29/11/2019 21:25

Just let your nan know the exact age she's allowed to say the word naughty. Everyone knows where they stand then.

PanicAndRun · 29/11/2019 21:27

Just because I don't label a child naughty doesn't mean they misbehave

Of course not, they just make wrong choices.

MIdgebabe · 29/11/2019 21:28

There is no evidence the child was labelled as naughty, the behaviour can rightly be described as naughty. I think most people are aware that if you label a child as naughty you make a rod for your own back

Rockingdahorse · 29/11/2019 21:31

@Rockingdahorse many types of parenting styles. All of the children I have and do care for have clear boundaries and rules. Just because I don't label a child naughty doesn't mean they misbehave confused

Well, as you've studied various parenting styles you'll know that permissive parenting (low demands with high responsiveness. Permissive parents tend to be very loving, yet provide few guidelines and rules) is associated with poor outcomes for the child, including underachievement, higher levels of aggression, drug use and delinquency.

There is a world of difference between saying a child is being naughty or a behaviour is naughty, with labelling the child as a 'naughty child'.

Children need to know why some behaviours should be avoided. IF they throw things, they will get in trouble and will struggle to make friends. Naughty is just a word to describe rule-breaking, it's easy for children to understand when the concept is complex. So hitting is 'naughty' is easier to understand for a two year old than hitting is 'aggressive behaviour that may hurt others and lead to other people not liking you or you getting in serious trouble.' Obviously they will need to learn the concept as they get older, but it's a way of helping them understand what is and isn't acceptable.

Where do you do this research [hmmm]?

dontcallmeduck · 29/11/2019 21:33

If child throws toys, tell them no. If they do it again and again, take toy off them. Best to start this young. What he did is not naughty now but would be in a year or two so she’s teaching him young. No bother.

firstimemamma · 29/11/2019 21:34

Misleading thread title. It's only 1 person (as far as we know) and your ds is only 1 so can't understand anyway. It really doesn't matter in my eyes and nothing to get upset over imo.

I clicked thinking it would be a number of people wrongly branding a 7 year old 'naughty' or something.

Notodontidae · 29/11/2019 21:35

Just because a one year old is not responsible enough to know what is naughty, the training has to be there. Throwing toys is a unacceptable, and the child is "in effect" being naughty, I dont know what else you could call it. If the child was 6 and threw something "is he naughty"? "Yes" If the child is 10 ? "Yes" Your gran can look after my children any time, she should train more mums to show boundaries. YABU

joffreyscoffees · 29/11/2019 21:39

It's not a generational thing though is it? There's plenty of people on this thread (including me - 31) who say naughty is a valid word to say.

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