badly behaved toddler at Slimming World

[lindsayincroydon]

I go to Slimming World on Friday mornings, and I am finding it really good for losing weight. Our team leader is inspirational, and I love my meeting being in the morning and just around the corner from where I live.
The problem is this: there is a toddler aged about 2 and a half and he is very noisy during the lecture. I am deaf in one ear and when he is stomping around creating havoc, I cannot hear what the team leader is saying.
His mother takes no notice of him, in fact she smiles at him as though he is doing something cute.
I don't know if I should say that I have paid good money to attend the meeting, and it is not a mother and toddler group, but a serious group where other members are trying very hard to lose weight.
What do other people think? Should I say something?
thanks

The poster with the 20 month old had accepted that they weren't able to ensure their child wasn't disruptive so opted not to attend the group anymore, which was the right thing to do because they're not toddler groups.

@JulieJones22

Because people on here are saying children who don’t sit still and be quiet are badly behaved and their parents aren’t “parenting” them.

A mother who lets her child run amok in a public space isn't parenting them well. Causing disruption and disturbance to others like this is not an acceptable outcome, so she should make efforts to quieten the child or leave.

If a parent stays put watching their child run around a group when others are trying to listening then they are not parenting their child. If they sit and smile / encourage their child displaying that behaviour / does that half arsed "DC be quiet" but does nothing else then they are not being responsible and are reinforcing the behaviour

My point exactly - the parent that does nothing, or worse - smiles indulgently - when their child is clearly disrupting an adult activity for which all the other adults have gathered - then that is reinforcing a child's adverse behaviour.

Most people are reasonable - if we see a parent trying to keep a child non-disruptive (which doesn't necessarily mean sitting still & silent!) then we cut them some slack. But what really annoys me are the parents who just shrug and say "Oh I can't do anything."

Yes you can - you can remove the child from the situation, for a start.

Which @JulieJones22 has done because she no longer goes to the group.

I do think that you should try to keep your child quiet, but in trying to keep them quiet you are being noisy too by shaking their toys about, talking to them etc. I’ve been there and felt very uncomfortable. So next time I sat at the back but as I said he just wanted to run everywhere. I realised I was being disruptive chasing him, so I picked him up and left.

I don’t know the answer though as I do think mums should be able to go to these classes and bring their children. Some mums are on maternity leave, some may be stay at home Mums and it could be one of their only social activities that week.

Maybe SW and WW should provide an area at the back of the hall for children to play in and some toys so they’re altogether. This way everyone’s happy.

@JulieJones.

When are you thinking of introducing the word NO to your toddler?

You'd be advised to start it sooner rather than later. The sooner he realises there are things that he can't do, the better it will be because believe me, the older he gets, the harder it will be.

When are you thinking of introducing the word NO to your toddler?

Why would you assume I don’t? I spend half my life telling him no.

Im assuming you expect you tell a toddler no and they just stop doing it? What a wonderful make believe world you must live in.

@CrossingTheAlpsInOtley why the nasty sarcasm anyway? I really don’t get MN. We are mostly women, we should be looking out for each other not looking to slate and pull each other down. FFS.

@JulieJones

I should have said, Telling Him NO EFFECTIVELY...maybe accompanied by a stern look, or a slight raising of the voice.

I'm not being sarcastic at all, merely pointing out the fact that if you don't start now it will be harder as he gets older. Personally, I think that is a helpful remark.

But carry on letting the tail wag the dog and when he's 12 and not taking a blind bit of notice of you, you might rue your actions now.

Oh you weren’t being sarcastic. So you were genuinely interested if I’d heard of the word “no”?

Oh but thanks for letting me know about the word and how to say it correctly as I most be saying it incorrectly if my 1 year old won’t sit still and be quiet. Idiot.

I used to go with my child sometimes it would just get weighed then leave. Never would I sit through the meeting with a toddler that's kinda rude I think.

Ps @Julie Jones. 20 months is nearer to 2 than 1!

@Crossingthewhatever

I can only conclude that you’re not a very nice person.

OP.

I would tell the leader ,not the mum, because she may-if she is like some pp's on this thread- get upset and think you're not nice.

Most mums-myself included would do their best when told that their child is spoiling the meeting for others but, as this thread demonstrates, that's not something you can rely on.

@crossingTheAlpsInOtley actually you’re being nasty (I can think of a better word though) tbf. No need to be talking to someone like that for recognising her child’s behaviour wasn’t conducive to the running of the group and removing them from the situation.

I’d be concerned if a toddler was that scared of you they recoiled into immediate silence at the word no and a ‘stern look’.

@JulieJones22 rise above it honestly :)

CrossingTheAlps you’ve shown yourself up here tonight I’m afraid - you’ve been unpleasant.

Ah the magical mumsnet stern no and a look. Stops children of all ages in their tracks - all of them. Whatever their comprehension level, maturity or motivations. Just a look and a no. Easy peasy. It's amazing that there are so many parenting books or that teachers sometimes struggle with managing behaviour. Why don't they just teach everyone the mumsnet look and a no in ante natal classes or at teacher training? Heck, why don't the police start using it when they encounter criminals?

Juliejones as a mother to a 3 year old I totally understand what you meant.

Toddlers cause mayhem mini Tasmanian devils , that don't remotely listen to what they are told when it suits them.

I wouldn't dare brave a meeting with one, and totally understand why you don't go.

My toddler knows I mean business when I say no. He gets the look and stern voice. And most of the time no is very effective. Mostly he abruptly stops whatever he's doing and bursts into tears because I've bought the big guns out.

Unless he is meant to be being quiet. He is a total performer, so he's like 'oh all the adults are being quiet and listening to the boring man in the dog collar? I know I'll show them my tap dancing and sing my poo poo song. That will cheer them up.'

We leave a lot. I spend a surprising amount of time stood outside church halls these days. He particularly likes church halls because of the acoustics, but he doesn't discriminate really.

I have no intention of taking him to slimming groups, but it has nothing to do with my parenting. My eldest was the same at that age.

Your hearing means you are disabled and so they do need to prioritise you legally in terms of your disabiltity. If that means telling the mum she can’t come to that session with her toddler then so be it. Tell the organiser and she will arrange it.

I left my SW group because of this problem. Our group was very popular and at first the leader said children were allowed but had to be kept under control, that lasted about 2 sessions. There would be about twenty children each week and at holiday time there was a tv and DVD player and so much noise you couldn't hear a word anyone was saying. Loads of people complained but most of the mums were her mates so she wasn't about to tell them to stop. I contacted SW head office and they didn't give a toss. It's about bums on seats to them.