AIBU to be silently infuriated over dhs “advice” about my day

[Makinganewthinghappen]

For context DH works full time, in a business he owns. I own half the business but don’t work day to day in it ( it’s a technical business and I have no idea how to do that so it’s not an option).

I am home full time and have been for the last few years as we have children who have issues with mean they haven’t been able to attend school and are home educated. They also don’t particularly do well with random trips out so I’m pretty much stuck here.

Don’t get me wrong I actually really like
home educating and DH and I have a good relationship but days like today he drives me totally insane with his lack of knowledge as to what my day is actually about.

I have been struggling lately as my teenager has had various problems with anxiety, using the toilet and I have struggling to get my younger child to do well - anything . Getting her to bath yesterday was the achievement of the day!

Dh is always trying to be helpful but realistically he has to work long hours and so he has started saying things like .

“Smash the day today!”
“Carry on and get it done!”
“Find a way to improve your day”
And my personal favourite
“Keep on moving forward and things will improve!”

Reading back I feel very petty but as he walks out the door cheerfully calling “smash the day!” It causes me to want to smash many things but not the day.

It’s not the fact that he’s saying it it’s the fact that he thinks there is some magical way that I can have an amazing day - when generally I’m just keeping people alive until bedtime.

It drives me insane.

AIBU ?

Not unreasonable, I'm feeling a bit smashy myself just reading that.

Yep what mandraki said!

Ah OP, I think you're being a little hard on him! You're having a tough time and he's recognising that. I can see it might be a little irritating but at least he is acknowledging that things are hard for you, rather than many men who seem to think that life is easy for a SAHM.

Oooh - I am not sure that my marriage would survive if my DH started inventing trite aphorisms like this.

YANBU. Have you been able to have a discussion with him about this? Maybe he really doesn't understand how it makes you feel.

... walks out the door cheerfully calling “smash the day!” It causes me to want to smash many things but not the day.

It sounds like he's never spent an entire day alone with his children. Surely not?

If you left him with them for the day would he be high fiving you with his achivements about 'smashing it' when you returned home or would he be wimpering in a corner surrounded by a trail of destruction?

Maybe try it? Sounds like he needs a reality check and you need the Mumsnet cliche spa day, or other day away from home of your choice.

Actually I've just read your OP again and I am more than "silently infuriated" TBH.

Is he always this irritating?

Does he ever look after the DC himself?

Mustress-tbh I hoped he would just get bored of it. He is a lovely DH, he works hard, he helps when he can, so I haven’t mentioned it other than asking him what smashing the day might look like. - he suggested sorting through Christmas decorations and making a “to buy” list.

See how can I be annoyed at a person who loves Christmas so much that sorting out decorations is classed as smashing the day!

I

He has looked after the children on
His own - he manages fine but does have the look of a soldier returning to war about him afterwards.

For clarity we have 6 children. 2 are autistic and 1 had adhd and learning difficulties.

Sounds like he is rying to be positive and uplifting. I means what is he supposed to say? If your children have so many issues then do you get outside help?.

Reading this made me think, “Smash your own damn day!”
YANBU.
He doesn’t seem to understand what you’re dealing with. Hopefully his little phrases are intended to be supportive.

Oh my goodness OP!

In that case smashing the day will be everyone alive by bedtime.

Respect to you

June -no my eldest recently got discharged from CAMHS because they only have appointments for children who are suicidal or self harming (according the the letter they sent) .

Tbh day to day I feel like things are ok. My children are all happy and actually well behaved. Other than when they get stuck on issues such as suddenly starting to have painic attacks using the toilets or running around like crazy people if we change a plan!

But it doesn’t leave a lot of room for day smashing

Is he David Brent?

How about a 'day swap' so you see what it's like working in the business you own half of, and he sees what it's like raising and educating children.

Do you have any time in your day to email him some shitty work related motivational quotes over photos of sunsets? Could you make some Take a photo of something you're doing and add one of his useless phrases. Perhaps such a successful businessman such as himself could recognise the utter stupidity.

I think you’re being a little unreasonable. He’s trying to be positive but going about it in a bit of a cack handed way.

Can you have a conversation with him to say you’d love to smash the day but actually there’s these massive obstacles in the way and can you come up with a solution together as you’re burnt out doing it alone.

Does he make those inspirational posters for offices with sunsets and climbers and cats hanging off branches? I feel he could have great success as a motivational speaker.

Next time he says it, smash the husband and bury him under the patio. No jury would convict you.

Buttery I did work in the business full time until 5 years ago which was when the issues the children have became too disruptive, we had a nanny who quit over it and the school was locking one of them in a room until I arrived.

I stopped going to the office to stay home at that point!

Not BU, although (as you say yourself) he's just trying to leave on an upbeat note.

But I wonder if the nub of your issue is captured in these two statements, really:

I own half the business but don’t work day to day in it ( it’s a technical business and I have no idea how to do that so it’s not an option).

Don’t get me wrong I actually really like home educating and DH and I have a good relationship but days like today he drives me totally insane with his lack of knowledge as to what my day is actually about.

Basically, he has no connection to what you do all day, and you have no connection to what he does all day. You're like ships that pass in the night.

Do you get the chance to sit down and talk to each other much? It must be hard to find the time, with a self-owned business and six children.

I’d offer to swap roles on a permanent basis tbh.

30- do you know he recently attended a conference thing I’m wondering if he picked this up there

Has he been watching wanky motivational videos on YouTube?

YANBU to fume, but YABU to not say anything to him! He's trying to help, surely, but doesn't understand how irritating it is. Tell him!

iWork- if we swapped roles permanently we would be bankrupt in about a month. He earns a lot more than I could!

Plus as I say even though I know I’m now morning - I do like being home.

“Smash the day” 😂
Oh dear! YANBU, particularly when he translates it for you into the earth shattering actions of sorting through Christmas decorations and making a list.
I agree that giving him the opportunity to smash the day at home in the near future is an excellent idea. Meanwhile you can pursue personal growth by “opening yourself to new experiences” whether that be visiting the National Gallery or finding out whether it’s possible to drink lager with your head on the table in Wetherspoons with the aid of a straw, it’s immaterial.

Boom! 😉