AIBU to be silently infuriated over dhs “advice” about my day

[Makinganewthinghappen]

For context DH works full time, in a business he owns. I own half the business but don’t work day to day in it ( it’s a technical business and I have no idea how to do that so it’s not an option).

I am home full time and have been for the last few years as we have children who have issues with mean they haven’t been able to attend school and are home educated. They also don’t particularly do well with random trips out so I’m pretty much stuck here.

Don’t get me wrong I actually really like
home educating and DH and I have a good relationship but days like today he drives me totally insane with his lack of knowledge as to what my day is actually about.

I have been struggling lately as my teenager has had various problems with anxiety, using the toilet and I have struggling to get my younger child to do well - anything . Getting her to bath yesterday was the achievement of the day!

Dh is always trying to be helpful but realistically he has to work long hours and so he has started saying things like .

“Smash the day today!”
“Carry on and get it done!”
“Find a way to improve your day”
And my personal favourite
“Keep on moving forward and things will improve!”

Reading back I feel very petty but as he walks out the door cheerfully calling “smash the day!” It causes me to want to smash many things but not the day.

It’s not the fact that he’s saying it it’s the fact that he thinks there is some magical way that I can have an amazing day - when generally I’m just keeping people alive until bedtime.

It drives me insane.

AIBU ?

My DH says ‘hope you survive’ in similar (but a lot less challenging) circumstances. I’d bite him if he told me to ‘Smash the day!’

Make a bingo card with his wanky phrases. Make sure he sees it. Shout „HOUSE“ when you complete it and award yourself a prize. 🍷 🍰 💐

Thanks everyone - well I have no done maths lessons and managed to get everyone to Asda and back so here I am really smashing it!!

If I had a husband that came across as a cheesy life coach I would definitely want to smash things.

*now done maths not no done maths !

have this image - you placing screen saver or sending message of cartoon of you smashing day (dh being a focus) to him/on his screens etc

What @MrsCBY said.

You ARE smashing it, simply getting through the day, his vomitty comments are putting you down, not lifting you up. Try explaining by saying how would he feel if you said ‘do your job properly today 😊’

He needs to APPRECIATE what you do already, NOT ‘pep talk’ you into doing more.

‘Smashing the day’ - sorting out Christmas decorations...🙄he really has NO idea does he? Go away for a FEW days and leave him to ‘Smash the day’.

I'm sure he just wants to leave the house with something positive though. What would you rather he said?

Pretty much anything...

‘Love you’
‘thank you for being such an amazing wife/mum’
‘I’ll be home as early as possibke’

‘I’ll give you an alibi!’
‘You’re amazing, I’m so glad I married you’

‘Bye love, see you tonight’

I’d take ‘Dont forget the cat needs to go to the vet today’

Over the shit he’s spouting!

Good lord, I'm amazed you haven't clobbered him. I get that hes trying to be positive and upbeat which is great, but it's just coming across as trite and twee, and lacking the depth of understanding of what your day entails. I'm sure if he went out the door saying 'I hope you have a good day, love you' or 'hope your day goes well, you're a brilliant mum you know' it would leave you in a much better mood and demonstrate that he understands a bit and he cares. I think you just need a quick chat with him, before you do end up smashing him!

If I were you I'd print out some of those hilarious de-motivational posters you find online and frame them on the walls :D

i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/460/potential.jpg

cdn11.bigcommerce.com/s-nq6l4syi/images/stencil/1280x1280/products/63721/98179/125349-1024__54971.1537444861.jpg?c=2?imbypass=on

Jesus is smash him! I do find it beyond rage inducing when people have no idea what your day or life involves and offer 'helpful' advice. Grrrr

*I'd

Just shout back ‘Sell,sell,sell. ‘

I would be booking myself an appointment that meant leaving the house at 8am and being out all day.
Making sure that he has a complete list of everything that needed doing with the children, individual teaching timetables including the maths and literature lessons and adding in time for toileting and bathing.
Then making sure sorting Christmas decs and putting tree up were included as a bonus as he thinks that is going to enhance the day.

I have a friend who kept sending me "have a great day!" texts when I'd just experienced a major bereavement! He was trying to stay in touch and let me know he was thinking about me but wasn't really thinking what he was saying. It made me feel very not seen and understood though. He was v apologetic when I mentioned it directly (hints didn't work!)

"Smash the day"
"Fuck off"

I would tell him how annoying it is. I f he says 'Find a way to improve your Day' say - 'one way would be if you stopped saying wanky motivational shit at me'

He presumably means to be encouraging and helpful but actually he is being the opposite. If someone was saying this
kind of crap to me it would make me feel

1. They have no understanding at all what my day is like
2. They think I am not doing as well as I should
3. They are somehow my 'boss' who gets to decide what i do with my time (Christmas lists FFS !)

Tell him it needs to stop because despite what he intends, it is making you start the day in a negative state of mind because it is so irritating, and running the house and children is your job and you are doing it your way. You don;t tell him how to do his work, he doesn;t need to tell you how to do yours.

YES that is annoying. As you say, it implies YOU are the only reason every day isn't an awesome victory-fest, better than the last.

My DH does something different and I was trying to figure out earlier why it annoys me (and contemplating starting a thread on it). Often when he goes away on work for a night, he solemnly tells DS to be good, as though his presence is the only thing that keeps chaos and anarchy at bay. Today he was going away for a couple of nights, so called DS over and told him it was extra important to be helpful to me, because he (DH) won't be around for a long time.

Winds me up because it implies I can't handle anything less than perfect behaviour!

I imagine you're married to Tom Cruise.

@Makinganewthinghappen, I think this is a great idea, lol.

kalinkafoxtrot45 posted this fab idea:

Make a bingo card with his wanky phrases. Make sure he sees it. Shout „HOUSE“ when you complete it and award yourself a prize.

Find whatever powerpoint presentation handout they gave him at the conference and burn it now.

Set up a "Wanky And Unhelpful Slogans" jar and make him put a pound in it every time he says one.

Ewww, that sounds intensely irritating. I'd hate it.
And I'd be really horrible too. But you should maybe do something more grown up like tell him how you feel.

Honestly, I wouldjust grin and ignore it if this is just something he says in passing on his way out. Probably just intended to be an affectionate thumbs up. I'd worry if he came home and checked up on what you had done to smash the chuffing day, though.

I think the only reasonable response to, "Smash the day!" and all the other wanky shit is, "Bollocks!"

Or even "Bollocks to the day!"

I have found the best response to that sort of annoying buzz phrase is to say "Thank you, but I have other plans."