AIBU to be silently infuriated over dhs “advice” about my day

[Makinganewthinghappen]

For context DH works full time, in a business he owns. I own half the business but don’t work day to day in it ( it’s a technical business and I have no idea how to do that so it’s not an option).

I am home full time and have been for the last few years as we have children who have issues with mean they haven’t been able to attend school and are home educated. They also don’t particularly do well with random trips out so I’m pretty much stuck here.

Don’t get me wrong I actually really like
home educating and DH and I have a good relationship but days like today he drives me totally insane with his lack of knowledge as to what my day is actually about.

I have been struggling lately as my teenager has had various problems with anxiety, using the toilet and I have struggling to get my younger child to do well - anything . Getting her to bath yesterday was the achievement of the day!

Dh is always trying to be helpful but realistically he has to work long hours and so he has started saying things like .

“Smash the day today!”
“Carry on and get it done!”
“Find a way to improve your day”
And my personal favourite
“Keep on moving forward and things will improve!”

Reading back I feel very petty but as he walks out the door cheerfully calling “smash the day!” It causes me to want to smash many things but not the day.

It’s not the fact that he’s saying it it’s the fact that he thinks there is some magical way that I can have an amazing day - when generally I’m just keeping people alive until bedtime.

It drives me insane.

AIBU ?

Oh dear!

YANBU to feel the way you feel - I’m sure he feels he is being supportive in about the only way he can in the ten seconds he walks out the door. Obviously he’s a bit far off the mark!

It sounds like he's sincerely trying to help, so I have sympathy for him.

However, I also would find it annoying.

Therefore, I think that YANBU to have these feelings, but that it would be good to work this out with him in a positive way.

Smash him in the face. Hate stupid motivational phrases.

"YANBU to fume, but YABU to not say anything to him! He's trying to help, surely, but doesn't understand how irritating it is. Tell him!"

Yes, just tell him these little motivational sayings wind you up. I don't think it necessarily indicates he is out of touch. Can you suggest to him the types of things he could say instead?

Oh god I think we're married to the same person! DH loves wanky motivational videos and used to speak to me like we were in a business meeting.
One day he said during a row "well if that's what you want we will look to facilitate it"

I nearly beat him to death with one of his wanky motivational books.

@Casander oh my god that made me laugh but I get why you were annoyed!
I can't believe Actually speak like this!

Your DH, while trying to be nice, is offering you throwaway power of positivity slogans because he doesn't know what else to offer. It would do my head in too, OP.

cas did you ask him if he was a divorce lawyer??

well if that's what you want we will look to facilitate it

They are such nobs at times, aren't they?

It would make me want to smash something too.
Can you get in first and say it to him just as he's about to leave? Then he'll have to think of something else to say

Casander I choked at that! How did you not kill him?

OP, has he been following the Rock on social media? Team Bring It is very into this stuff. I love Dwayne, he's a doll, but anyone other than him spouting Own The Day needs a firm talking to. (Somehow The Rock is such a sweetie I don't mind his relentless optimism and encouragement)

Is there a reason that you can't just tell him to stfu stop?

I mean I was in a good mood, but your husband has put paid to that for me!

To borrow from Terry Pratchett

Tell him Carpe Diem makes you want to Carpe Jugulum.

Off course you are BU, he is trying to be upbeat and positive, I would be interested if you would prefer him just to ignore you or be as down beat as you are.
If you prefer him just to say nothing and give you a cuddle instead, I would mention it to him

For clarity we have 6 children. 2 are autistic and 1 had adhd and learning difficulties

Well I’m amazed your days end with everyone alive and fed in that case! You’re already smashing it.

I think this sums up why it’s so outrageously, unbearably wrong. His “motivational” shite implies that you aren’t already “smashing it” [vom] - and you are!!

He’s setting himself up as your guru handing down advice from on high, rather than your equal status co-parent who should be taking his hat off to you in appreciation for all you achieve every day. He’s actually downplaying what you do under the guise of “motivating” you to do better/more - which is undermining you, not supporting you.

No wonder it’s driving you mad!

Tell him you don’t need patronising, thanks, and has he any motivational tips for himself on not being a dick to one’s wife?

Oh dear

OP, just post here every time he sales whoops your day before he has even left you with the shit to deal with.

We'll have plenty of self assuring slogans to pick you up.

Fuck your day!
Fuck that shit!
Fuck him!
Fuck her!
What a twat!

I could go on.

Feeling that way is totally normal.

I'm sure he just wants to leave the house with something positive though.

What would you rather he said?

I would respond by smashing the patio rather than the day, and popping him beneath it.

My dh went through a patch of this sort of daftness. It came to a swift halt when he had to look after our 4dc single handledly for a week while I recovered from surgery

Never again will he suggest being a stay at home parent is a breeze

Are you secretly married to Caitlyn Jenner?! She seems to start every morning on I’m a celeb by yelling “Good morning, another day to excel!”

Honestly, this would do my head in. Hearing about your day, it sounds like you’re already smashing it without any further encouragement needed

I'm with u , husband said to me today what's the plan for the day ? I said I don't know , he then says we'll have to start making plans for ur day . I said I do things during the day I don't want to talk about them first thing when I wake up . He said well as long as it isn't lying in bed all day , he's lucky I didn't punch him

Yanbu. Bless I think he's read something about positivity or some other shit and this is his attempt at being helpful

Can you respond back with the same shite?

Him: Smash the day!
You in an American voice or in an Austin Powers voice: Reach for the stars baby!

He is trying to be helpful and supportive. He's using typical wanky business management speak which is supposed to motivate the troops.
It irritated me beyond belief just reading this shit in your OP - so no wonder you are sick of it.

Tell him to stop otherwise it'll not be just the day that gets smashed.

How do you keep a straight face?

Reminds me of someone I know who used to work for a large national delivery company. They had a "work time listening and learning session" every morning and when the 15 minutes of bollocks were over they'd be told to "Go out and seize the day".
FUCK OFF!!!