AIBU to be silently infuriated over dhs “advice” about my day

[Makinganewthinghappen]

For context DH works full time, in a business he owns. I own half the business but don’t work day to day in it ( it’s a technical business and I have no idea how to do that so it’s not an option).

I am home full time and have been for the last few years as we have children who have issues with mean they haven’t been able to attend school and are home educated. They also don’t particularly do well with random trips out so I’m pretty much stuck here.

Don’t get me wrong I actually really like
home educating and DH and I have a good relationship but days like today he drives me totally insane with his lack of knowledge as to what my day is actually about.

I have been struggling lately as my teenager has had various problems with anxiety, using the toilet and I have struggling to get my younger child to do well - anything . Getting her to bath yesterday was the achievement of the day!

Dh is always trying to be helpful but realistically he has to work long hours and so he has started saying things like .

“Smash the day today!”
“Carry on and get it done!”
“Find a way to improve your day”
And my personal favourite
“Keep on moving forward and things will improve!”

Reading back I feel very petty but as he walks out the door cheerfully calling “smash the day!” It causes me to want to smash many things but not the day.

It’s not the fact that he’s saying it it’s the fact that he thinks there is some magical way that I can have an amazing day - when generally I’m just keeping people alive until bedtime.

It drives me insane.

AIBU ?

'Have a day as big as your cock, darling!'
'It's the journey, not the destination!'
'Bring home the bacon, big boy! And the eggs, cheese, milk, bread - there's a list in your pocket!'

YANBU

I'd just say "OK David Brent, thanks for that" every time he says it.

103 responses so far, when really all the OP has to do is tell him she doesn't like it.

DH hasn't quite done this, but similar. I'd handle it something like this:

DH arrives home, give him big hug and stare lovingly into his eyes.
Me "Sweetheart you've inspired me. I've bought a smashing stick to keep by the front door"
DH "come again?"
Me "I love you and I love that you care but the next time you tell me to smash the day, I'm going to beat you to death with it.
Here, have a chocolate croissant." (favourite treat.)

Make him laugh but make your point. And put an actual stick by the door to remind him in the morning.

Exactly saraclara!

Op you sound like you generally like him and there aren't any major issues (but it shouldn't be seen as him helping you with the DC, he should care for/parent them just like you do). Just tell him when he says shit like them it annoys you.

In our house it would go (if DH were to actually say anything like that)

"Smash the day"
"What the fuck does that mean"
It just means have a good day I suppose"
"Well just say have a good day, don't say wanky shit like that"
"Okay have a good day"
"Thank you, you too"
"Love you bye"
"Love you bye"

I suppose that is equally vomit inducing as smash the day is rage inducing

The reply "Are you that patronising at work?" springs to mind.

Maybe you could go Christmas Shopping on your own ? Lunch while you are there and a film to finish off? See how much he wants to "smash " at the end of it ! I find his attitude quite patronising TBH .He must realise how difficult 6 children would be to look after anyway ,let alone with SN children as well ,Leave him in charge and see how he copes? Can you look into getting some help ? this is a big burden for you to carry alone day in day out.

Oh god, I had to break DH of a similar "helpful habit" of sending me suggestions of things to do while I was at home with the children and he was in an office. FTR, if he left for the day saying "Smash the Day!" or "onwards and upwards!" I think I'd kill him.

Two things helped.

1. he started working from home and I didn't tiptoe around him. He saw I really, actually, never stopped.
2. I had major surgery and he had to run everything for 2 weeks without me. It bloody nearly broke him.

We have 4 DC, 3 with ASD / various SpLDs, 2 of whom are home schooled. I know exactly what you mean about keeping everyone alive until bedtime. My daily win is "everyone fed, nobody dead".

You are doing a fantastic job. My DH now leaves the house saying "don't forget to look after my Willow too", which is much nicer.

He’s not a closet MLM Manhun is he?
Or a disciple of that narcissistic snake oil salesman Tony Robbins?
Does he Live, Laugh, Love?
Does he have a copy of The Secret by the bed?
Does he “reach out” to people despite not being a member of The Four Tops?

If any of the above apply then you must LTB or Kill. Him. Now.

So you keep 6 children happy and alive all day, and do home-schooling. In my opinion you already smash the day - every day.

You both work hard and maybe he's acknowledging this?
I used to send my daughter to college with a similar phrase ( "go and kick their bums today!") when she was doing well and being brave and we both knew she wasn't enjoying it and some people were making her days unnecessarily hard.

Ask him not to say it or reply "you too!"

“smash the day”😂😂that has made my day still can’t stop laughing
On a more serious note OP YANBU... I get the feeling he realises what you go through to get through the day.
He has to work though .. right? What can he say that would help? I can’t think of anything.... Give yourself a pat on the back. You are doing a fantastic job.

Having achieved Maths Lessons and Asda with no one needing A&E treatment is certainly Smashing the Day - well done.

YABY to be silently infuriated. You need to speak up.

"I" statements are good:

"When I hear supposedly motivational phrases like 'smash the day' it makes me feel as if the efforts I make to get everyone through the day as healthy and mentally stable as possible are meaningless if I don't also achieve something big. I actually find it demotivating as sometimes it is all I can do to just get through the day. I would find a less 'upbeat' way to wish me a good day a lot more reasonable."

Dear lord has he been on a "how to motivate your staff" course? If so, he needs to stop treating you like a member of staff, and also ask for his money back as that sort of talk motivates no-one. If my DH said that to me I would tell him to fuck off. How patronising and annoying!

Ah I think he means well so I would probably just silently grit my teeth.

Start passively aggressively sending him inspirational quotes from google image search every hour until he gets the hint

If a colleague said things like that to me I'd want to kill them, let alone DH.

Are you married to the male half of the Speakmans?! (Who I secretly adore, don't tell anyone...)

Write it all out on a piece of paper and then tear it into tiny strips, therapeutic

"When I hear supposedly motivational phrases like 'smash the day' it makes me feel as if the efforts I make to get everyone through the day as healthy and mentally stable as possible are meaningless if I don't also achieve something big. I actually find it demotivating as sometimes it is all I can do to just get through the day. I would find a less 'upbeat' way to wish me a good day a lot more reasonable."

Now you see, I think speaking like that to DH would be along the same lines as "smash the day". This isn't a snide dig btw, as different strokes for different folks, but I wouldn't speak like that to DH, that's the type of way I would speak to a colleague. I'm sure though that lots of people think it's weird I that would just say "stop being such an annoying wanker" and not talk about it "properly"!

Has everyone missed the fact that this guy is single-handedly running the business that supports the family? I think he's just trying to be supportive (possibly not in the best way)

PBo83

I think you’ll find that the answers on this thread are largely tongue in cheek unless the OP is actually married to David Brent.

do you feel ok with how things are without the comments?
if not you need to sit and talk to him.your raction to said comments tells me something missing from his side(a little anyway) even if that just coming and saying "bloody hell woman how you keep us alive i do not no.thanks"
or does he need to pick up some groceries on the way home.or is their an hour at the weekend you could go for a walk on your own.
or if its really just these new wanky comments then still tell him how they make you feel.that you know they are from a good place but somehow it doesnt feel it.
if you keep this is all in.you will snipe.he wont know why and thats how snowman comes from snowflakes and turn into abominable ogres.you need to talk to eachohter.
he might have seen some woman on an advert cheesily say how her wonderful husband tells her this as he goes out the door and how it makes he feel spirited!