To be raging mad over this

[Cantsayno]

Posted about this before and my inability to say no to peoples petty requests that they are more than capable of doing themselves, but don’t because it’s easier for them If I do it. And it is an inconvenience to me. I’m 39+1.

So family member takes the piss with requests, going to the shop, lifts here there and everywhere, only recently discovered I was collecting their child from nursery (under the assumption family member was at college) but actually was sat at home and didn’t want to make the journey down to nursery and back and as I drive it was way more convenient for me to hop in the car with my back and be lifting kids in and out of my car.

Anyway, family member has rang me twice today for favours. 1. Babysitting for an hour 2. Go to the shop. Ignored them.

Now put the guilt trip on me asking me to take child to nursery at 8am as family member is unwell. I don’t want to do it. I take my parter to work at 5.30am as he doesn’t drive and he is working over time for our family for Christmas so I will help out where I’m able to.

I find it so god damn cheeky to be hassled day in day out for tasks that they can do themselves and if I wasn’t on maternity leave, would their world fall apart? It seems so!

Aibu to say no? Or turn my phone off and pretend I’ve slept in so oops can’t take them?

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home.

Does it come across too arsy? Coz I’m seriously annoyed with it all. Family member actually said to me today ‘well you need to start building up some favours coz I’ll have your child for you if you need me to’ !!!!!! Pardon?! Is this in addition to all the other bastard favours I do for you and the promises of petrol money that never materialise?

I'm assuming this is your sister? Well done on telling her you're not prepared to give in to her ridiculous demands any more. Look after you!

Sheesh! I'm 33+1 and I can just about do my own kids school runs (with a lot of help from DH) so there's no way in hell I would be doing it for someone else's kid, someone super cheeky at that!
Just repeat: sorry no I'm tired!

Well done OP. You may find that once you have a baby, you'll sprout a backbone automatically. You'll have no inclination to cave into petty requests because you'll have your baby there with you to prioritise.

I’ve not long been awake, not had any response to my text message so don’t know if she’s slept in or decided not to take her or taken her herself or simply got the hump about it. Either way, I’m glad.

I’m going to go out for the day anyway do a bit of Christmas shopping and get moving around and hopefully get this baby moving and hopefully family member will see my car isn’t there so will leave me be lol

I just want to say a big thank you for the advice I have received in here I’m feeling so much more confident about this now and these been some great advice given. I know it’s my second thread about it but I clearly do find this a hard habit to break but I’m feel equipped with advice from you wise mumsnetters!

Good for you OP. You need this to end now or during your maternity leave it will get worse as to her, you’re home anyway and not doing anything so available to do her every whim.

@TowelNumber42

Great exercise.👍

OP,

Clearly your sister doesn't give a damn about you and thinks you're a bit dim to be so bullied and imposed upon. Apologies if that is harsh, but you can bet it's the truth.

Perhaps ponder this....

You are having a child soon who is going to need it's Mum in its corner. Ready to support, defend, advocate for.

If you can't do it for yourself, how will you manage for your child.

Mother's often have to be warriors for their children.

You have started finally, having wasted your Mat leave being used.

Do @Towels exercise. It's a great strong visualisation task.

Wishing you the very best💐

Hi op,
Good on you for saying no.
I read that only we are in charge of our emotions,nobody can 'make' us feel guilty or stupid,it is what we allow ourselves to feel.This often has me thinking!
As pp have said,your tiny baby is going to need you to do everything for them,so you need to be as rested and strong as you have ever been.so continue to say no with your baby in mind.
Put your feet up and watch your programmes and relax.shut the world out and just centre yourself.
It won't be long until your baby is in your arms.

It helps if before you help someone you list all the things they do for you, in your head.
I used buy clothing for my sister's DD.
Then I had my own child, one day I picked up a dress and thought how cute for niece, but she never buys for me.

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home .
Family member actually said to me today ‘well you need to start building up some favours coz I’ll have your child for you if you need me to’ !!!!!! Pardon?! Is this in addition to all the other bastard favours I do for you and the promises of petrol money that never materialise

^^I'd send this thanks to my DP doing the shopping and coming home with wine and cake and me having drunk ever such a small glass ful

In fact I'd send it anyway - she really is a CF - a great bloody big one!

I’m glad you sent that OP.

You’ll have a baby soon, use that time to stiffen that backbone. It’s enough to say you can’t because you don’t want to. No, I don’t want to get up early again to do you a favour which makes my life harder and yours easier.
You obviously don’t need to send that but keep it in the back of your mind!

You can use the baby once he or she is here as an excuse, but I honestly advise you not to. Be truthful, without being rude. ‘I’ll see what I can do’ is a useful placeholder before the ‘sorry I can’t I don’t have time’

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home.

YANBU

Does it come across too arsy?

Not arsey enough actually OP.
It's perfect apart from adding to the final line - "I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home because you can't be bothered & feel it's ok to dump your jobs onto me."

I'd send a much much shorter message, and it would not be a message that tells her how to think and how to behave. Had you realised your message was trying to control her, which is a fool's errand?

I am not doing any more favours for you. It is has been too much. I need to concentrate on myself and the baby now

See, this message says what you are going to do. It does not attempt to tell her how to live her life. I wonder if you think it is rude to say what you are going to do but perversely think it is nicer to tell other people how they should think and behave.

Stop explaining yourself...

just say you're no longer available..