To be raging mad over this

[Cantsayno]

Posted about this before and my inability to say no to peoples petty requests that they are more than capable of doing themselves, but don’t because it’s easier for them If I do it. And it is an inconvenience to me. I’m 39+1.

So family member takes the piss with requests, going to the shop, lifts here there and everywhere, only recently discovered I was collecting their child from nursery (under the assumption family member was at college) but actually was sat at home and didn’t want to make the journey down to nursery and back and as I drive it was way more convenient for me to hop in the car with my back and be lifting kids in and out of my car.

Anyway, family member has rang me twice today for favours. 1. Babysitting for an hour 2. Go to the shop. Ignored them.

Now put the guilt trip on me asking me to take child to nursery at 8am as family member is unwell. I don’t want to do it. I take my parter to work at 5.30am as he doesn’t drive and he is working over time for our family for Christmas so I will help out where I’m able to.

I find it so god damn cheeky to be hassled day in day out for tasks that they can do themselves and if I wasn’t on maternity leave, would their world fall apart? It seems so!

Aibu to say no? Or turn my phone off and pretend I’ve slept in so oops can’t take them?

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home.

Does it come across too arsy? Coz I’m seriously annoyed with it all. Family member actually said to me today ‘well you need to start building up some favours coz I’ll have your child for you if you need me to’ !!!!!! Pardon?! Is this in addition to all the other bastard favours I do for you and the promises of petrol money that never materialise?

I wouldn't even say you can't do it because you're pregnant - that way the requests will start again as soon as the baby is born.

Just refuse.

The point at which you stop being a doormat is when you find out who your real friends are, Just say no, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Push over aren’t I
Sounds like you ENJOY playing martyr and then getting attention from complaining about it.

A woman as capable as you are won’t need to “build up favours” prior to the birth of your baby - so just learn to say no - even if you have to rehearse it in front of the mirror.
Don’t explain , don’t apologize- just keep on saying it till it penetrates the thick hide they have . I gave this advice to my DS who was being run ragged in this way and she found the scratched record technique worked .
Well you did it last week ! - reply Well I cant do it from now on . No I just can’t do it . No can do . Ad infinitum . Wishing you all the best for baby .

JUST SAY NO, in view of your circumstances you can only take care of the hubby. That's it. You have to rest you have no idea how long the labour will be. Rest.

Honestly you aren't building up credit if these people can't manage their own life/childcare without your help, they wont be able to help you with yours.
Say no I can't.
Can you do X
No I can't

Yeah as you've seen giving her an excuse just gives her something to ignore.
"No I can't, I'm pregnant"
"OK, well once the baby comes you can do XYZ."

"No I can't I'm taking partner to work at 5:30am"
"So you'll already be awake, you might as well take my child to nursery."

I'd pay her back the £20 so she can't hold it over your head "Well you owe me money so you can do these 5636 favours in payment."
And then no more. "No I'm not available to do that." "No that doesn't work for me." "No." "No I won't be doing your shopping."

OP you have posted before about your inability to say no. You moan to your DH. You are having another vent on here (which is fine btw).

If you don't nip it in the bud now I think it will come to a point we're you may just blow.

So wouldn't it be better to start being firm but pleasantly say you won't be doing pick up/drop off etc.
In the nicest possible way what would it take for you to stand up for yourself?

@monkeymonkey2010 Clearly don’t enjoy it if it gets me so angry.

@Majorcollywobble thank you 😊

she can't push or breast feed for you. She can take one ounce of pain. No favours, she can't. Even hubby has to wake up and smell the coffee. They are not accepting of your state.

my dad ALWAYS told me;"people mistake kindness as daftness" my ma still says "they treat you how you let them". Despite which.......well..never mid\no hijakin.think with your head.fiesty?not if you change your number\or(my new favourite)block.xx good luck with babestar xx

Speak up at least for the sake of your unborn child, the stress can't be helping.

they treat you how you let them

This is so true.

Idle - I know, I need to put my foot down I just thought that with me getting increasingly more pregnant she would think oh well best not ask for a pathetic favour. But it doesn’t work like this clearly. I’ve sent her a message saying she needs to stop and in the morning I’ll be sending another message saying I can’t do the run. I think I have improved slightly by ignoring calls and texts but I guess I just don’t like to be put on the spot and just say ‘no’ and if I’m asked why, just say ‘because I don’t want to’ coz then I feel like I’m being a dickhead and that people think I’m a dickhead and it annoys me about myself that I’m like that.
The feeling I get in my stomach is like someone is squeezing it when I know I’m being backed into the corner and I reluctantly agree even though inside I’m screaming no. It’s my own doing and I can only really be cross with myself but you’d think as another woman who has experienced heavy pregnancy etc that she would show a bit more compassion and leave me the fuck alone.

@cantsayno - she's got too much neck to show compassion. PLEASE stop expecting decent behaviour from her because she's repeatedly shown you that isn't going to happen. There isn't a magic number of favours you need to hit before she leaves you alone and stops asking. There are no magic words to make her understand. She's like a puppy, you can't explain to the puppy why you don't want it shitting on the floor, you just need it to stop doing it. And you do that by telling it "no".

This may help...

Obviously you need to tap on it to see the whole thing

You really need to stop your people pleasing, you have a family now, and your own priorities to think of. Just say NO. You could say it is not convenient, or not this time, but the use of the word "can't" leaves you open to questioning as to why, when in reality you do not have to explain or justify your decision. You may then end up making excuses/lies, and feeling bad about doing so. If an explanation is "required" then please remember that you are practising self-preservation and that is not the same as being selfish, which a CF might accuse you of because they are so used to you being at their beck and call. They won't like the new dynamic, but they'll either adapt to it or they will find another sucker.

I've been the sucker, felt selfish when I started to put my foot down, and lost a bit of "dead wood" in the process, but you will adapt. It takes time and practise, but you will get there. You've recognised the problem, so now you get to take steps to change it, and free up your energy to maintain your own family.

Best of luck with the baby and your new anti-CF approach.

Just wondering if anyone has experienced similar, I’ve given birth 16 weeks ago and only ever sleep on my side. Since I’ve given birth my hips are so sore when I’m sleeping and I’m having to turn over several times in the night in quite bad pain but trying to sleep on my front or back just doesn’t work so I’m having to put up with said pain , just wondered if anyone else had experienced similar and if so what did you do about it, I don’t know if medicine or physio is an option?

I have had quite a sore right hip since I had my son. I had a c section so obviously an epidural. Did you have an epidural? I can't really sleep on my right side at all now. I'm going to finally get some physio. Can you mention it to your HV and see what she says? Mine has recently gotten worse. Are you on any contraception? Mine seems worse since I went on the depo injection

You are expecting an unreasonable person to be reasonable.
That is never going to happen.
What will your H do for transport when the baby is born?
Having a child is a life changing experience and fortunately it provides us an opportunity to make changes in the way we do things.
Think through all the things you are finding emotionally exhausting and remove as many as you can from you life. You will be glad you did.

I cannot imagine trusting a person that irresponsible with a newborn, can you?

Emmandjack, a small pillow between the knees helps some.

Have you asked your doctor about it. That seems a long time for the pelvic girdle to settle back in where it belongs.

This is your new screen saver

Don't complain, don't explain and

They'll get over it

If you explain the reason why, it means you are giving people the impression they are owed a reason why. Which, of course, they are not.

They may whine and lash out, but they won't be able to keep it up, treat them like a toddler who needs to be trained that your word on the matter is final.

I do get the feeling of guilt, but honestly it will pass - the more you get used to putting your own needs first, ahead of these CFs

And definitely pay back the £20 or whatever it is. Remove any indebtedness. And don't borrow money, even 50p can create a sense of obligation, having a hold over you.