To be raging mad over this

[Cantsayno]

Posted about this before and my inability to say no to peoples petty requests that they are more than capable of doing themselves, but don’t because it’s easier for them If I do it. And it is an inconvenience to me. I’m 39+1.

So family member takes the piss with requests, going to the shop, lifts here there and everywhere, only recently discovered I was collecting their child from nursery (under the assumption family member was at college) but actually was sat at home and didn’t want to make the journey down to nursery and back and as I drive it was way more convenient for me to hop in the car with my back and be lifting kids in and out of my car.

Anyway, family member has rang me twice today for favours. 1. Babysitting for an hour 2. Go to the shop. Ignored them.

Now put the guilt trip on me asking me to take child to nursery at 8am as family member is unwell. I don’t want to do it. I take my parter to work at 5.30am as he doesn’t drive and he is working over time for our family for Christmas so I will help out where I’m able to.

I find it so god damn cheeky to be hassled day in day out for tasks that they can do themselves and if I wasn’t on maternity leave, would their world fall apart? It seems so!

Aibu to say no? Or turn my phone off and pretend I’ve slept in so oops can’t take them?

Aibu to send a message saying: you’re going to have to stop asking me for all these favours because it’s getting too much, if you’ve forgotten I’m a week away from giving birth and I don’t need to be hounded by you with requests for a lift to location A,b and c and to collect little Jonny from nursery and call into the shop for some milk on my way back home.

Does it come across too arsy? Coz I’m seriously annoyed with it all. Family member actually said to me today ‘well you need to start building up some favours coz I’ll have your child for you if you need me to’ !!!!!! Pardon?! Is this in addition to all the other bastard favours I do for you and the promises of petrol money that never materialise?

Just text back "No"

“I said no. I mean no. If you come around the answer will still be no. You sort yourself out.”

It never ceases to amaze me how many CF's there are out there. I don't know how they have the cheek. She needs to take her own child to nursery and you are heavily pregnant and need to rest.

Older sister?

I’m at someone doing this to a woman a week away from giving birth

And another thing. What if she passes her sickness onto you? She needs to stay away from you completely and look after her own affairs!

Who is this woman to you, OP? DS, SIL?

"This is the last thing" don't do it.

Text now to say you can't do it. At the latest text at 5:30am when you drop your partner off to say you can't do it and you aren't up for visits.

Don't let feisty be your problem., She sounds horrible.

You need to get feisty back, OP. She'll be dumping her kids on you "because you're home with the baby anyway" Cut her off at the knee's, tell her no means no. Get the rest of the family involved if needs be, get them to back you up "CF Sis is really stressing me out right now, I need to be able to concentrate on the baby, and she's harassing me to look after her kids so she can have a lazy day". Or tell her to fuck right off and turn off your phone and disconnect the doorbell, pretend you're out!

No. Just say no.

OP, you are not bloody well obliged, at 39+ weeks pregnant or at any fucking time, to sort out transport for other people.

Say NO NO NO.

At 6am, when you have returned from taking your DP to work (which I also wouldn't be doing!) then send a text that says "I can't take you this morning, I have to go back to bed" and then SWITCH OFF YOUR PHONE. Go back to bed.

If she's too ill to face a bus journey to nursery then kid can stay home with her. It won't do them any harm, either of them!

No never walked off but will pick up say a charger wire for a keyboard remote thing for a kodi box and ask me if I have taken it from her house and ask me what it’s for and it’s like interrogation and if I answer all the questions correctly then If I show her I have bought it from amazon I get a response of ‘riiiight’. No sorry.

Yeah I’m shocked as well. I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone to do anything for me when heavily pregnant. Like I say I don’t mind helping out when I can but if she could have it her way I’d be doing the nursery pick up and drop off, doing her weekly shop etc etc the most annoying thing is SHE makes ME feel like I’m being unreasonable because it’s such an easy task to complete, obviously easier for me as I drive and it takes me two minutes but she doesn’t stop to think that maybe I’m enjoying catching up on my programs, on my own. I love my dp dearly but I’m actually really enjoying time on my own and I don’t want to be stopping what I’m doing to go get some fags from the shop!

I had a rant to my mum about this and the response I got was she will take the piss if you let her so say no. I think my mum said something to her coz she stopped asking me for about a week. But I felt uncomfortable thinking I’d upset her, but she doesn’t give two hoots about upsetting me! Push over aren’t I!

Hoping I develop this backbone soon

Don’t do it. Tell her you’ve had twinges all night and so have had no sleep and you feel awful and so you’re going back to bed and turning phone off so you can sleep. Send that at 5.30am when you get up! Make sure you do turn the phone off then and do really go back to sleep. You won’t have this time again to stock up on sleep and rest, you owe it to yourself to get as much rest as possible. Later tomorrow tell her you feel much better for the rest so you are not available for anything now as you dearly need to rest.
She’s so unreasonable.

This is the last thing? WTF

They nursery is a bus journey down and then back up so can see why it’s easier for me to hop in my car.

This makes no sense at all as an argument. You know it.

There are literally thousands of things that are more convenient if someone else does them. It doesn't need to be you! That's not how responsibility and adulthood works.

That’s my plan of action, to say I’ve had a crap nights sleep and I need to go back to bed.

I don’t mind taking my partner as I say he doesn’t drive at the minute but is learning, and he’s having a massive early start for the sake of our Christmas so I don’t mind at all. I’d rather infact so I can sprawl out when I get back 🤣😴😴😴

I mean I can see why it’s easier for her if I go and do it as she wouldn’t need to stand around in a bus stop waiting for the bus there/back

every day I get a phone call asking for something or a text fishing for information of my plans for the day/week

Don't answer the phone. The answer to all questions about your plans is "Getting ready to give birth, then giving birth".

“Hi CF, it’s lovely that we can help each other out so much. Saw the midwife today and my blood pressure is a bit high so she says I need to rest. Unfortunately that means I won’t be able to help you out any more. I didn’t get a chance to go to Tescos before the midwife so we are really short of food. Don’t suppose you could nip out and pick me up milk, eggs, cereal, mince beef, blah, blah, blah and blah. Cheers. So lovely that we can help each other out so much. I feel much better about having the baby knowing that I have you someone I can ask to get nappies at 4am if necessary!”

It won’t even be a lie. At 39 weeks your blood pressure won’t be a perfect 90/60 and I bet if you asked the midwife would advise you to rest!

I mean I can see why it’s easier for her if I go and do it as she wouldn’t need to stand around in a bus stop waiting for the bus there/back

Yes, but, lovely OP, that argument applies to almost everything.

"I can see why it's easier for her if I pick up her shopping because then she won't need to go round the supermarket."

"I can see why it's easier for her if I take her DC to soft play because I'm going to baby group anyway."

"I can see why it's easier for her if I get up out of bed hours earlier than I ever intended to go round to her house and pick up her child and take them to nursery and drop them in while she stays in her bed...."

When does it end?

Say NO.

I know, I know. Hoping she’s taken a secret offence to the message I have sent or at very least a hint!

I know it’s not about how many favours someone does and what they can do back for you but I have asked her to do 1 thing in the last 6 months and in return I have done 6373648 back. I liken her to a loan shark but with favours, a favour shark!

Your Mum is right; she's taking the piss. I'd really recommend being a lot less wishy washy as all you're doing then is giving her something to argue back. Everytime you say "I can't because " she'll come back with "But is invalid because....". Saying decisively "No. I can't do your shopping/take your child to nursery/babysit. I hope you can sort it out." gives her no wiggle room.

Ah, please stop being so nice.
You have made a good start, now just say no to tomorrow.
You don’t owe any explanation.

No is a complete sentence. Who is paying for the petrol for the nursery pick ups?

I e always struggled with standing up for myself And putting my foot down and although I know when I don’t want to do something I give in for an easier life and hope that this is ‘the last thing’ but it never is.

That is some great advice about no wiggle room, I always think I need to have an excuse and then kick myself later for not saying the right thing to excuse myself from the request as I feel backed into a corner and obliged to do it If that makes sense !

Certainly not her paying. But I owe her some money, less than £20 which she is hounding next for and I have a good mind to say she’s not having it as I have to refuel her personal taxi

No, can’t. Add a “sorry” if you’re feeling generous but I personally wouldn’t bother!