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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help I need advise husband went to a strip pub

114 replies

Jk191 · 25/11/2019 11:27

I found out recently that my husband visited a strip pub a few years ago with some friends. It has really upset me. He said he was there 10 mins and left and said there were girls on stage but not stripping. I cannot help it but I am finding it hard to forget about it or belive him. Please any advise would be great

OP posts:
LouisaJenny · 25/11/2019 11:33

What exactly are you upset about? Is it that it was a while ago and he didnt tell you? Were you together then? Or because he went there full stop? Or you think he’s not being truthful?

Butterflyflower1234 · 25/11/2019 11:34

A few years ago...? Please let it go. Explain this isn't something you're comfortable with so you'd appreciate it if he didn't visit one again but please don't drag it back up when it happened so long ago.

user1471449295 · 25/11/2019 11:35

He was there 10 mins and left?.....ok

LagunaBubbles · 25/11/2019 11:35

What don't you believe him about?

nicelyneurotic · 25/11/2019 11:38

I dont see how this is a massive deal. I dont like strip clubs either, they are exploitative and seedy, but

  1. It was years ago
  2. There's a lot of social pressure on men to go along to these things (stag dos etc)
  3. I dont see why he would need your permission for this

Is the real issue that you dont trust him? Has he been unfaithful previously?

If you trust him and he is faithful, you need to forget about it.

Original poster
Jk191 · 25/11/2019 11:38

It was when I was with him I have been married 18 years. This was about six years ago. I asked him if he had ever visited such a place and this came out. I just feel he is lying to me that he was there longer and they were stripping. I cannot get it out of my head that he is lying and its driving me crazy

OP posts:
MrsFeatherDuster · 25/11/2019 12:05

I went to one a few years ago on a hen do. It was awful, especially when one or two of the girls got 'carried away'. It was expected that we all went but like your DH I made my excuses after 10 minutes and went and waited on the coach. I'm not sure if I told my DH about it all but if he asked I would tell him. Sounds like you DH is in a similar situation, I wouldn't worry about it.

CAG12 · 25/11/2019 12:07

I dont understand why this has upset you tbh. Went in a strip club a few years ago and thats it?

spanglydangly · 25/11/2019 12:10

You sound like your jealous of him seeing another woman's body, rather than you have a moral issue regarding strip clubs and any potential exploration of its workers?

For that YABU, it was years ago and you're still
together.

puds11 · 25/11/2019 12:12

Had you specified prior to this that you weren’t ok with him going to such places?

spanglydangly · 25/11/2019 12:12

*exploitation

easyandy101 · 25/11/2019 12:12

I don't really see a problem

He went a few years ago to a strip pub, specifically a pub, which is a bit different than a strip club. I've never been in a strip club, but I've unknowingly been in a pub where stripping was the entertainment. Once that started i left, it's not really my cup of tea that

ifoundthebread · 25/11/2019 12:13

He obviously doesn't see it as a big deal as he came straight out with it when asked so why would he lie about 10 minutes?

fligglepige · 25/11/2019 12:14

I don't think you have any reason not to believe him, it's not like he lied to you about going in.

PBo83 · 25/11/2019 12:15

My advice would be to let him know how you feel about it but I don't think it is worth making an 'issue' out of it.

At least next time the opportunity arises to go to one of these clubs he can make a decision knowing how you would feel about it.

Everyone has different opinions on strip clubs and different levels of what they would accept of their partner. My wife, for example, couldn't care less if I go to a strip club (which I have done on stag do's etc.) but would be, rightly, upset if I spent loads of money on private dances.

Only you know why you're upset and you should talk to him about it. It's then for him to decide whether he thinks you are being unreasonable or not (not saying who would be 'right' but at least you would understand each other's attitude to these places a little better).

For what it's worth, he may not have mentioned it before as you never asked and it was just part of a night out he didn't think was relevant OR he thought he knew how you'd react so didn't mention it and thought that, after 6 years, it wouldn't be a big deal.

JacquesHammer · 25/11/2019 12:16

I mean if it was such a non-event, surely he would have said at the time "oh god, got dragged into X, it was awful, left after 10 mins".

oakleaffy · 25/11/2019 12:37

Don't worry about it.....Probably just a gang of his friends were a bit drunk and decided to go?

I bet the women were stripping though...otherwise why bother?...No sure how they work, but do you have to pay entry?

Otherwise men would pile in and make half a shandy last all evening.

Don't worry about it.

PBo83 · 25/11/2019 12:45

I bet the women were stripping though...otherwise why bother?...No sure how they work, but do you have to pay entry?

In my experience (probably only 3 or 4 clubs over a number of years). You pay entry, there is normally a couple of dancers on a stage, usually in lingerie (so not stripping but not exactly dressed). If you want a nude dance then you pay extra to goto a private booth/room.

In my experience, a lot of people (women included) use these clubs as 'late bars' (albeit with a stage and a couple of dancers) and are happy to pay a few quid entry. The clubs make their money from the serial customers who spend an arm and a leg on multiple dances. In my experience, nearly every group of male friends has one of these in their ranks and he'll be the target of the dancer's (they always seem to spot the horny idiot with the disposable cash...must be a learned talent!)

MorganKitten · 25/11/2019 12:50

Let it go

cccameron · 25/11/2019 12:51

What is it exactly that's upset you?
I wouldn't be bothered about this in the slightest and would completely believe my DH going along with mates then leaving after 10 mins if only for the reason that drinks are extortionate in those places. It was years ago. He could have just lied to you and said he hadn't ever been to one so see no reason why what he's telling you isn't what happened.

burnagirl · 25/11/2019 12:58

He's a sleaze OP. Absolutely grim. Dudes who visit strip clubs/pubs/whatever are absolute trash.

easyandy101 · 25/11/2019 13:02

I bet the women were stripping though...otherwise why bother?...No sure how they work, but do you have to pay entry?

Clubs yes

The pub i went into you didn't pay to get in they did a whip round at the end of the punters

I think the pub thing is pretty old school

EleanorShellstrop100 · 25/11/2019 13:08

Really?! My gosh even I’ve been into a couple of strip clubs in my time because they’re open later than other bars! Loads of people go just for a drink and barely even pay attention to the women. Your husband was there 10 minutes and saw some clothed women dancing onstage, you’re being ridiculous.

itsabongthing · 25/11/2019 13:10

Gosh this wouldn’t bother me at all.
I think you’re over thinking it.

Yarboosucks · 25/11/2019 13:11

Are you looking for a reason to be upset?

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