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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help I need advise husband went to a strip pub

114 replies

Jk191 · 25/11/2019 11:27

I found out recently that my husband visited a strip pub a few years ago with some friends. It has really upset me. He said he was there 10 mins and left and said there were girls on stage but not stripping. I cannot help it but I am finding it hard to forget about it or belive him. Please any advise would be great

OP posts:
Redheadwonder · 25/11/2019 16:05

@rosesinmygarden well I didn’t belittle anybody until my husband got called scum. Difference in opinion is fine odviously.
But it’s works both ways, everyone should respect each other’s opinion.

Redheadwonder · 25/11/2019 16:08

@JacquesHammer 🙄. That’s all I have to say to your comment.

burnagirl · 25/11/2019 16:31

Uhm. If the cap fits...

JacquesHammer · 25/11/2019 16:34

That’s all I have to say to your comment

Goodness. What a welcome addition to the debate, you’ve convinced me...

Redheadwonder · 25/11/2019 16:46

@JacquezHammer maybe if you spoke to others with some manners and didn’t try to belittle others then i wouldn’t have eye rolled at your comment. You just seem like a cow bag.

@burnagirl your boring.

poorstudent1010 · 25/11/2019 16:55

I think you’re overreacting too.

I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you before, he probably knew that you’d react like this.

burnagirl · 25/11/2019 17:11

your boring

My boring... what? What exactly? Grin

Biancadelrioisback · 25/11/2019 17:35

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what any of our opinions are on strip clubs/pubs, because the OP is about how the OP feels. She feels betrayed. Obviously she doesn't agree with strip clubs, and even those of us who don't mind their partner/husband visiting them on occasion can understand why some women do mind and therefore why OP is upset.

As always, it's gotten unnecessarily personal with people throwing insults out knowing fine well their comments will hurt others on here, but they don't care because they get to make their (irrelevant) point.

OP and her DH have boundaries which he has pushed and now she is hurt. How about advising her on that rather than calling others names for having different opinions?

Jk191 · 25/11/2019 18:06

Wow I am not posting on here again. Some really useless and unhelpful comments. Thank you to those that have been supportive and really upset by some peoples comments.

OP posts:
zwellers · 25/11/2019 18:41

Jacquezhammer. That comment of yours was totally uncalled for. And op unless there is a massive drip feed here about your dh having form for lying you need to get over yourself. If you react like this to everything your dh won't tell you a thing.

cosima1 · 25/11/2019 18:51

Take no notice of some people OP.

Look, you are upset by this In the context of your relationship, so it doesn’t really matter about other people.

He might have stayed longer than 10 mins, he might not. I think you have to look at this in the context of your whole relationship. Do you really think he makes a habit of this kind of thing? I doubt it, tbh.

I think in this occasion, you can make your feelings clear, but then let it go. I think most men have found themselves in that kind of place at some point.

I think some people who like to be all “coolio” about porn and strip clubs don’t always have a wider understanding of what might go on and they’re a bit naive tbh.

For instance, I once had the misfortune to live near a particularly nasty “strip pub” in East London which became infamous for an incident when a group of men stubbed their fags out on the poor woman’s legs while chanting, “We can see your cellulite.” It’s not always, “just a laugh” in these places. We all know this (or we should). Nobody can say it’s all fine and nothing to worry about unless they know the specific circumstances because clubs vary a lot.,

Also, it’s nonsense to compare women watching the Dreamboys or whatever to men in strip clubs because the power dynamic is totally different on so many levels. It’s not the same thing at all.

Similarly, with porn... Yes most men watch it. Many women watch it too. But what are they actually watching? Women pretending to be lesbians and getting off on each other in a group? People just having sex? If this is what people see as porn, then they may well not be bothered about it. Or are they watching some of the really nasty stuff - simulated rape, incest, choking, humiliation, violence - what? Because there is a sliding scale, some of which wouldn’t bother me, but much of it certainly would.

LolaLollypop · 25/11/2019 19:06

It's the same old thing with Mumsnet. People arguing when what 90% of what they're all saying is correct. There's a massive variation in strip clubs. Would I be annoyed if OH went to Stringfellows on a stag do? Absolutely not. Would I be annoyed if OH was at said pub where girls had fags stubbed out on their legs? Yes absolutely.

The more liberal amongst us still have morals. Just because we don't blanket-ban anything that involves another woman's body doesn't mean we'd ever approve of Thursday are undoubtedly below the line.

LolaLollypop · 25/11/2019 19:07

*things that are

Not Thursday!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/11/2019 19:24

I've been in a couple years ago( beer was cheap).I wouldnt see it as a big deal if dh went in on a stag do or something but not to have a private dance,they are a step too far imo.

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